Die Tonight, Live Forever
by latelastnight
Summary: Bella Swan is wrecked with guilt after her mother dies, and begins to lead two completely unique, opposite lives. When her blood-bearing coping mechanism draws up a mysterious newcomer, her life is forever changed.
1. Chapter 1: Rumored Nights

Die Tonight, Live Forever. Chapter 1, Rumored Nights

BPOV

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

No, wait, I did.

I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

The bed…was very warm. Almost too warm, even though it was a hot summer day in Forks, Washington. A warm bed wasn't to be expected, but it radiated with heat coming from the opposite side of where my sore body lay. The sensation was unfamiliar. The sun shone too brightly out of the vast window, and its unforgiving rays initially blinded me as I cracked my eyelids open to take in my surroundings. I planned to look at the floor first, hoping to find some shred of paraphernalia that led me to believe that I slept in my own bed. If it was my bedroom, there would have been books. Lots and lots of books, some sprawled open, with highlighters and pen marks and post-it notes marking what was going to be important on my next nursing school examination. Surely, I would open my eyes and be greeted by a picture of the muscular-skeletal system, the last thing I remembered studying. Instead, when I focused my burning corneas to the floor, what I found shocked me. A pile of clothing, some articles my own, lay closest to the foot of the bed. I shifted my weight in the bed and propped myself on my elbows. I stared directly to my right, finding a bed side stand that was covered by a miscellany of beer bottles, cigarette wrappers, and an ashtray filled with old cigarette butts. The smell made me nauseous, or maybe it was all the alcohol that sloshed in my stomach as I moved. Obviously, something had gone wrong last night. This was not my normal routine of waking at 5 AM. To make matters worse, I couldn't remember what had gone on last night. This added to my frustration. I had been having too many black-outs lately. I had forgotten things, important things that nursing students don't forget. And I hadn't had an explanation for any of it. I attributed the fact that I woke in this unfamiliar bed to the black outs.

I let out a long sigh as I sat up in the bed, not wanting to put the pieces together. Ignorance is bliss, after all. After a long moment, I surveyed the room, noting the several posters of football players and nameless supermodels that clung to the walls. I noted the trophies on the oak bookcase, and the Forks Spartans Letterman jacket that hung from the matching desk chair, collecting dust. I shook my head as I rolled over on to my stomach, praying no one would be next to me in bed. Fortunately, my prayers were answered, and all that lay on the pillow was a scrap piece of paper that read:

Bella- Had to go to work. Had fun last night, see ya, Mike.

Shit. I had spent the night with, of all people, Mike Newton. Great.

As I rolled back over and ran my fingers through my knotted up hair, I decided that I would hurry up and get out of here before anything else was expected of me. Mike was the kind of guy who'd most likely expect me to be cooking him lunch and waiting to jump his bones in round 2 once he got home from his job at his parents' sporting goods store. I wasn't having that at all. I pulled my shorts and tank top on and hurried down the stairs from the small, crappy apartment complex. I hopped into my old beat-ass truck and drove off before Newton would dare to picture me waiting for him when he returned.

As a rule, I waited for no man.

That is, of course, with one exception: Charlie.

My father, the police chief of the small town of Forks, had always been a little too lenient with me, or at least that's what the town's folk have said since I killed my mother.

I was constantly hearing the rumors, most of which were true.

"_Awe, there goes Chief Swan's daughter, poor girl, did you know she actually thinks she killed her mother?"_

"_Be careful getting in a car with Bella, she'll cut herself if anything goes wrong, you know."_

Or, my personal favorite:

"_If you ask me, Charlie should've kept a tight leash on that one. She's become the town trollop ever since her mother passed on. She'd fuck a snake if she could hold it still long enough. Where did that man go wrong?"_

Driving now, I chuckled to myself as I thought about the gossip that my one night stand with Newton would cause.

_Bring it on, Forks._

Before I go any further, I should probably let you in on a well-known secret. I am a murderer. And not just any murderer, no, I'm too good for all that brutal, cut-throat violence. No, I'm more of the kill-my-own-family-members type of murderer. I'll never forget what the papers read the day after the accident.

"Renee Swan, of Forks, WA, wife of Chief Charlie Swan of the Forks Police Department, was tragically killed on Wednesday, when her daughter, Isabella Swan, 16, lost control of her vehicle and collided with a telephone pole. No other serious injuries were reported from the remaining victims."

I had murdered my own mother, and had lived to tell about it. I had to live with the consequences. I had to fake a smile, play the nice girl, be the head cheerleader, the homecoming queen, and the prom queen; the one everyone adored and felt pity for all throughout my high school years. As I accomplished this, the wounds, covered by thick bandages of fake smiles and tiaras, still ached deep in my soul. I felt guilt, remorse, and angst every day, all day, but I still got through it.

I missed my mother, and I felt completely responsible for her death.

Of course, my wounds were healing. 5 years after the fact and I was beginning to live life like any normal human woman would.

I rose each morning at 5 AM. I put on my scrubs. I went to my clinical at the hospital I was assigned to for nursing school, and I came home. Once I was home, I cooked Charlie a good meal and sat down and watched an episode of Two and a Half Men or read part of a new book, and then I began the long battle of assignments that awaited me. I studied for hours upon hours, memorizing formulas, scientific notations, medications, physiology, anatomy, and much, much more. Then, to unwind, I normally had a glass of wine, cried, cut myself, took a shower, and went to bed. Perfectly normal, routine coping mechanisms. The day would begin again. The routine repeated. I was living a perfectly normal life. I reassured myself of this fact every single day.

Every day, all day, with the exception of Fridays and Saturdays, when I spent all night dancing or bartending at the strip club, I was a mature, responsible young adult. After all, a girl had to make money somehow.

But today, for some reason, had been different. Last night had obviously gotten too far out of control, and I made the necessary preparations to deal with the consequences of my actions, which I couldn't even remember. It was a Saturday morning. Saturday mornings usually meant waking up, going for a run (to fight off the massive hangover from the night before, of course), and spending all day with my nose in the books until it was time to head to the club to dance or bartend for precious dollars. It did not consist of me waking up in boys' beds, despite what the town's folk would have you believe.

As I pulled into the driveway of our old white house, I noticed that Charlie's police cruiser was still sitting in its place. Again, it was unusual for a Sunday. As I bolted up the porch's steps, I was met with the unstoppable force of Chief Swan's glare, his face livid as he stood, framed by the screen door. His posture screamed something like 'you're in trouble,' but when he opened his mouth to speak, his words didn't sing to the same tune.

"Bells," he mumbled in what seemed to be disbelief. His voice seemed hurt, upset, confused.

"What, dad? I'm sorry I wasn't home…I stayed over Angela's last night after work, and…"

"What, Bella? Oh, no, no, I'm not irritated about you; I'm just late for work, is all. I've been sleeping in way too late recently," he reached his hand behind his head and scratched, relaxing his posture, "I guess I need some of your responsibility to rub off on me," he laughed and smiled, swinging open the screen door for me. I sighed mentally, a long, long sigh of relief.

Of course, Charlie heard the rumors everywhere he went.

His daughter was a tramp.

His daughter thought she was a murderer.

His daughter was a drunken stripper who cut herself.

But to Charlie, I was a young, responsible adult who gave no one any reason to worry. Who cared if I drank? Who cared if I had sex? Who cared if I stripped from time to time to make a little bit of nursing school money? Charlie, of course, being a good father, turned his cheek to that specific 'rumor,' and didn't really know it's truth, but regardless, had always defended me by saying that I was an adult, and a damn good one thus far. He thought that when I went to 'work,' I went to work at the library, a place that Charlie rarely, if ever set foot into. Who were they to judge me? Forks could go to hell.

"You want me to make you some breakfast before you go, Dad?" I offered, my head still pounding from the Jack Daniels-induced coma I was starting to come out of.

"No, no, Bells, I'm running late anyway. Have a good day, don't you study too hard," and with a kiss on the cheek, he was in his cruiser and on his way. I sighed again as I watched the car disappear into the bright summer day.

A few hours later, as I lay on my bed, I sipped some red wine from the bottle and stared at a razor blade that taunted me from my desk across the room. This was normalcy, a ritual. This was relief from the pressure of everyday life, and it was calling to me in the form of a sharp piece of metal.

Every day, along with this conflict about cutting, several questions raised in my head.

Why exactly was I putting myself through this?

Why was I still so wrecked with guilt over my mother's death?

Was it because without her, I had no best friend?

Without her, my father was a widower?

Without her, my life lost most of its direction?

These were questions I had no answers to.

Self-inflicted pain, in turn, became my resolve. At first, it was hard. The smell of the blood made me nauseous beyond my wildest dreams. It filled my head with the scent of rust and winter, and made my stomach turn with such a cruel flip, I had wretched the first few times I had run the blade across my wrist. But with practice, the nausea and the pain became easier and ritualistic. Without a second thought, I slid the blade, now in my hand, across my left wrist in a steady diagonal line, just long enough to be hidden underneath the cuff of my bartender's costume.

A moment after letting the bright red stream of blood flow freely from my wrist, I closed my eyes, covered it with my other palm, and moved on with life. I won't say I regretted doing this every day, but there was always an accompaniment of remorse with the relief.

With a heavy sigh, I stood from my bed and searched out my costume for the evening. Saturdays were normally my bartending nights, and I wore the same black and white 'Playboy Bunny' costume. I slid my legs into my fishnet tights, slid my corset over my chest, and shoved my tail, ears, collar and cuffs into my duffle bag. I then grabbed the swankiest pair of stilettos I owned and tossed them in along with an Anatomy and Physiology textbook. I figured if the bar was slow, I could read up on the muscles of the human body for my test on Monday. I then proceeded with the same routine as normal. I grabbed my old ratty sweat pants and a large, over-sized hooded sweatshirt to conceal my now scantily clad frame as I made my commute to the old, run-down strip club I called my place of employment.

The bar was packed that evening. Every time I turned around, there were five more patrons waiting for cocktails, beers, and daiquiris. As I shook my martini shaker, mixing a cosmopolitan up for a server who waited patiently for her drinks, I couldn't help but notice the two new featured 'dancers' of the evening.

"Welcome, gentlemen, to the Forks Climax, the area's premier source for your topless entertainment!" The announcer's voice rang over the crowd as the two ladies made their entrance to the main stage.

"Tonight, on the main stage, we're featuring Rosie!" The first new girl, presumably named 'Rosie', was a tall, bodacious woman with a creamy complexion and flowing blonde hair that tormented the men that she strutted past. As she hitched her long, stocking-clad leg to the silver pole, the men whopped and hollered for her. She proceeded to throw her other leg to the pole, and hung upside down, her bosoms nearly falling from her hot pink lingerie. She spun gracefully and landed in a full split. As Rosie crawled toward the strip club patrons, collecting her well-earned ones and five's, another girl made her entrance.

"…and, please welcome her sister, Wonderland!" The announcer became more enthusiastic. Everyone loved a sexy blonde, but the girl that joined her on the stage was a sight to be seen. She danced lightly, as if she were a ballerina, on to the stage in her six inch platform heels. Without them, she might have been shorter than I was. The petite stripper shook out her cropped brunette hair and slid down the pole next to Rosie. Strangely enough, she donned the same pale skin as the beautiful blonde. They certainly looked related; even though I was sure it was just part of their act. Men loved sisters, especially when they were exposing themselves on the same stage as each other and performing unspeakable acts of lust.

I couldn't help but giggle at the tiny brunette's stage name. Wonderland. Like Alice in Wonderland, or something? Maybe. I shook my head as I made another drink. Rosie and her sister Wonderland successfully completed their show around midnight, as the other well-known dancers made their appearance in their place. Among them, a girl who had graduated in my class in high school, Jessica, strut her figure in nothing but a lime green boa. I rolled my eyes. She was always the most dramatic of the performers. I truly believed in working this job for the money, but Jessica surely did this job for the attention.

She would definitely shit herself if she knew the unspeakable acts that Mike Newton, a regular patron of Forks Climax, had attempted to perform on me last night.

Funny, the longer the day was, the more I remembered about our chance encounter. I shuttered at the thought of his feeble attempt to satisfy my sexual desire. Maybe it was true that I 'slept around,' but not too often was I actually satisfied. It seemed like there weren't enough experienced 20-something dicks in Forks to help me through all of my repressed frustration. In my present surroundings, that fact was hard to imagine. I stood at the bar, finally able to breathe for a moment. From between my chest, I pulled out my pack of cigarettes. I allowed one to dangle in my lips as I strutted down the bar, waiting for a kind gentleman to offer me a light.

This was the same way I ended waking up in Newton's bed this morning.

If I was lucky, perhaps it would end the same way.

That was when I saw him.

He was unlike any man I'd ever seen before.

As the main door opened, a fresh, humid breeze of the now stormy weather travelled with him. Our eyes locked immediately from across the room. As I stood, cigarette still unlit in my lips, I froze, leaning up against the bar. It was then that I noticed his eyes.

His eyes.

His eyes, in all their burning, golden glory, met mine with such intensity; I thought for sure the friction between us would light my cigarette by itself. My heart stopped. My palms became clammy. I could not remember how to breathe.

Running a pale white hand through his tussled bronze hair, the stranger reached his opposite hand in his pocket, breaking our impromptu staring contest. Quicker than I had expected, he pulled a lighter and lit it, inches from my face. I held my cigarette to it and puffed, inhaling the smoke as seductively as possible. He cocked his head to the side, giving a brilliant, gorgeous crooked smile. I exhaled unsteadily as our eyes met again.

"Thanks for that," I murmured, nearly inaudible compared to the shouting that went on as Jessica continued her performance.

"Nothing like helping a damsel in distress," he remarked thoughtfully, his jaw line shifting back and forth as he eyed me. Regretfully, I turned away to mix another drink for the strip club veteran who sat four seats away from this new man. I returned as quickly as I'd left.

"So," I eyed him enthusiastically, still puffing on my cigarette, "What'll it be?" I asked, following suit with bartender lingo. He smiled, folding his hands intricately in front of his mouth and resting his elbows on the bar. His pale complexion seemed to glow under the neon of the club's ceiling, much like Rosie's or Wonderland's had.

"I'm not sure," his voice, soft as velvet, but not lost in the crowd, raised an unfamiliar urge of desire in me, "What's your drink of choice?"

I raised an eyebrow, reaching for a short glass and a brand new bottle of Jack Daniel's. I smirked back at the beautiful stranger.

"Me? Well, I'm a Jack girl myself," I sighed, pouring him a drink, trying to be as nonchalant as humanly possible, yet graceful at the same time, "But he gets me into a lot of trouble," I added, finishing my pour. It was crisp and clean and looked fantastic. He would be impressed, and I was very happy with myself, admittedly.

He first eyed the drink, then eyed me, and pushed it in my direction.

"As I said, always happy to help a damsel in distress," he gestured for me to drink. I looked around the bar to make sure that my customers were taken care of. Money, after all, was my primary goal here. Once I was sure everyone was taken care of, I walked back over to the man, and quickly, sexually, took the glass and gulped the entire drink in one swoop. The alcohol burned my throat and cleared my sinuses in one swift motion down my esophagus. I slammed the glass to the bar and let out a heavy sigh of flames. I allowed my elbow to rest on the bar for what seemed like a fraction of a second, and as he eyed me again, he quickly, gently, gripped my forearm, from where my white costume cuff hung. It took me by great surprise.

My first instinct, of course, was to pull away and call for security. This wasn't the first time I had been groped at in this bar, and I knew is certainly would not be the last. The risk came along with the territory, and to be honest, I loved every minute of it. But then, his topaz colored eyes smoldered into something I didn't recognize as a human emotion as he asked,

"Did you hurt yourself, Miss Bells?" I blinked for a moment. How did he know my name? Surely I had never seen him here before, and I did not have a name tag, either. Something was strange about this man, yet intriguing and irresistible at the same time. I wanted to tell him everything.

He seemed to be listening hard for a moment to something I couldn't hear even if I wanted to.

His eyes then captured my blood-stained cuff in their view. For a moment, I noted his cold touch, and how soothing it was around my freshly inflicted wound on my wrist.

"That is your name, yes?" He asked, this time very politely, voice creamy as ever. My eyes fluttered and my heart raced. He seemed to enjoy it. This was entrapment.

"Uhm…yes…yes, earlier. Before work," I responded, and he loosened his grip around my forearm. The burning of the cut came back instantaneously. I was almost disappointed.

"Well, Bells," he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, "You should be more careful as to where you bleed."

The words sent a chill down my spine.

"Uhh…thank you…I'll try to be more careful next time."

"Who knows, one day, your life may depend on that," he whispered darkly in my ear, pulling me closer now. I was leaning over the bar, the balls of my feet aching with pain as my weight rested fully on them in my stilettos. My toes were officially numb.

"Who are you?" I whispered back, fully distracted by the sweet smell of his breath on my face. He chuckled lowly.

"How utterly rude of me," he reflected, then met my gaze, "I'm Edward. Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bells." His hand slipped down my forearm to meet my hand; fire and ice colliding in one intense touch. He lifted my left hand to his mouth and kissed it lightly, gentlemanly. I shuddered at the feel of his cool lips on my skin, a strange, unfamiliar sensation to me.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," I muttered breathlessly.

My daze was abruptly interrupted as the breeze from the door came again. From the balls of my feet, I felt the most awful feeling lurch through me as my gaze drifted to the door. There stood my father, Charlie, brows furrowed and mustache twitching in what appeared to be an unbearable rage. He surveyed the room, looking for something.

"Oh, shit!" I yelled, hitting the floor in the same second, breaking my connection with Edward. I had to think fast. I improvised a plan as I crawled along the bar, planning an escape. I sensed Charlie's presence as he entered the club, and I knew he was looking for me. In that moment, I'd never felt more hopeless. I crawled to the end of the bar, my feet still numb and the knees of my fishnet stockings ripping with every drag of my clumsy limbs as I made my way to an exit. I turned to meet Edward's gaze from the bar; he was obviously wondering what was wrong with me. With only my head, I urged him to meet me at the end of the bar where I stood in a half-crouched position. He sprang immediately, meeting me and wrapping his arm around my waist, covering the side of my face with his other icy hand, and walked me briskly toward the dressing room doors. I was shocked that he knew to act so quickly.

"I'll meet you in the alley way, just…just, give me a minute," I stuttered quickly, scared for my life. I wouldn't put it past Charlie to open fire in the crowded strip club if he learned all the rumors were true. I shuddered at the thought as my newfound savior, Edward, nodded to me and ran towards the exit doors. I sprinted as fast as I could with my numb feet, finding Jessica in the back.

"Ohmigod, Bella, did you see how much money I made? God, they loved it. They loved me," Jessica was in her own little world, reassuring herself of her awesomeness.

"How about making a little more, lady, get your ass out there and tend my bar!" I urged her, picking up some fabric that resembled clothing and throwing it at her.

"Wait- what?"

"Charlie is here!" I rasped, forcing her to understand the severity of my situation.

"I have to go. NOW!" I pushed her out the door before she could object, picked up my belongings and darted toward the alley way, hardly expecting Edward to remain there waiting for me.

Finally, leaning against the brick wall, in the first relief that came in what felt like hours to me, I removed my shoes and strode barefoot towards a dark figure, draped in a form-fitting leather jacket at the end of the alley. I smiled a half-hearted smile as I recognized my own personal hero.

"Thank you so much for what you did back there, you don't know," his icy finger pressed gently against my lips, stopping my flow of speech.

"Shhh…It seems like you need more saving than was to be expected, Bella," he whispered, using my full name. My eyes widened in horror.

"How do you…"

"Shh. I just know. Don't worry now, you're safe with me."

And I actually believed him

Who was this guy?

And, more importantly, where had he been all my life?


	2. Chapter 2: His Girl Friday

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 2: His Girl Friday

EPOV

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Surprisingly enough, it was almost painful, unbearable.

As my eyes darted between a rabbit that fed inches from me and the window of the complex, I unconsciously compared how much more appealing the human in the apartment seemed than the rabbit. It would be the death of me.

This had been going on for a week, perhaps more. I was past counting.

When my father, Carlisle had decided to move back to Forks in order to enjoy the daylight, I had made no plans to be so tempted by the delicious entrée that awaited me. In fact, I hadn't even looked at the menu. After all, with my unusual diet, I didn't normally have so many temptations.

Most people had roughly the same scent. Although anything was more appealing than deer or rabbit, I had remained a well-behaved vegetarian for the last few decades. It seemed like it would be no big thing to move to a new town, embrace a few new scents, and move on with life.

But that was before Bella Swan, the daughter of the Forks police chief, had been brought so abruptly to the foreground of my mind.

My eyes rested on the dimly lit window from where I stood, yards away from the apartment complex in which Mike Newton, the town pervert, resided.

I rolled my eyes. He obviously had no idea what he was doing.

Bella Swan was making an attempt to seem like she was enjoying herself as she spread her legs and moaned lightly. I chuckled as I listened in on Mike's thoughts for a moment, as long as I could bear.

_She loves it. Oh my God, she loves it. She's so damn hot, and wet, so wet. I can't wait to tell the guys about this…_

I grimaced and began to block his thoughts once more. How pathetic. From the image I could see of Bella now, she was obviously faking any interest she had in this poor excuse for a man. Her chest rose and fell as he scrambled between her legs, and my body began to shake as her scent filled his mind again.

Her scent.

Her scent was what had me sitting here in the woods at 3 AM, wishing I could be in his position. It was now that I wished, so desperately, that I could actually hear her thoughts. Why could I not? It was very unsettling. If I could hear her thoughts, I could confirm whether or not she was actually enjoying what Mike was trying to do to her body. Maybe I didn't want to know, really. Maybe she didn't have any thoughts.

Though I knew that was impossible, it would have been a much better resolve than the problem that plagued me now. I had so many questions that I wanted answers to. Normally, these answers were easily accessible to me, brought to me before the questions even developed, but this was a new form of agitation.

I had to actually speak with her if I wanted answers.

This presented a problem for me.

How exactly was I supposed to approach her? I couldn't do it on the street, that'd surely scare her away.

Then again, the Bella that I had met through everyone else's minds, and the Bella I was seeing now, moaning Mike Newton's name in an attempt to seem like she was having a believable orgasm both filled in the small spaces between the questions I had.

I shook my head slowly as Mike came to a finish, finally, after a solid ten minutes of what he thought of as satisfying sex and rolled over in the bed. He kept replaying Bella saying his name, over and over again in his mind. I saw Bella rolling over and lighting a cigarette, the sheets neatly tucked over her thin frame as she sat up. She was obviously intoxicated.

"I'm so drunk. I feel…pretty good right now," she smiled. Her smile reciprocated on my own face, much to my surprise.

What mystery she had to her. She was charming, beautiful, and most of all, she had the sweetest smelling blood I've ever encountered in my long life.

Normally, it would seem stalker-ish for me to know just what her scent was like, especially since I had yet to encounter her in person. But Bella Swan had a secret that was whispered from person to person around the small town of Forks. It was simply a whisper to the town folk, since no one had ever actually had confirmation that she did it, but to me, it was like she was shrieking in my ear and making me deaf.

She cut herself.

The first time I was hunting in the forests around Forks, I had almost committed murder. It just so happened that I was about to pounce on a healthy looking deer, when her scent crawled its way to me like a slap in the face.

Thrilled, I followed the trail of the scent, which led to a small white house. A window on the second floor was open wide, practically inviting me in.

That was when I saw her.

As I stood on the outskirts of her lawn, I watched her through the window as she put down the razor blade and stood up from her desk. She was wearing the most complimenting blue camisole, her long chocolate locks tied back into a mess of a bun. Her skin was the most beautiful shade of ivory and her figure swayed as she looked out at the pouring rain through her window.

I took an unnecessary gasp of air, and was immediately regretful as her sweet blood lined my throat with hot coals.

It was her beauty that had saved her life.

Secondly, it was her mystery, as I learned the very next second that her thoughts were completely unreadable.

From that second on, I had decided that I needed to know everything I possibly could about this girl. I had sat outside of her house, losing count after the first 3 hours of the quiet evening, trying to read her thoughts. The only thoughts I had heard in the house were that of her father, Chief Swan. They were all very happy thoughts about his daughter. I had listened in at the correct time.

_I don't care what the guys at the station say they hear. They don't even hafta listen. Bella's a good girl, a nursing student for Christ's sake! Why on Earth would she ever go to that filthy strip club to get money? Doesn't she know I'd pay her way if I had to? I wish she knew how much I care. I wish I could tell her. Maybe I'll go right now…_

But he had decided to watch the basketball game, take a shower, and go straight to bed instead of letting his daughter in on his feelings.

Bella Swan.

She became a game of sorts.

I searched through every person's thoughts that I could. I made it a point to go out in the day time, driving in circles for hours in the Volvo, simply trying to find people who were thinking of her.

I was surprised by what I had learned to say the least.

I wasn't hard-pressed to find good things about Bella Swan. Many people thought of her in a lot of good ways. She was a Good Samaritan, turned her homework in on time, and did her chores, worked for a living. She was a nursing student at the Forks Community Hospital with a 4.0 grade point average and perfect clinical skills assessments. She stunned her instructors and the patients she worked with alike. Other nursing students hated her for upping the curves of tests, but they loved her for all the tutoring she gave them. It seemed like caring for people was something she did so well. She always smiled and never seemed unhappy around anyone, ever. She was beautiful, intelligent, witty, and charming. She lived a very care-free existence.

Then, I heard the cruel opinions people had on the same girl. She was a whore, a stripper, a cutter, a murderer. She had killed her mother in that car accident on purpose. I was instantly confused.

I had learned that she worked at the strip club, as I encountered several strippers and waitresses from the club who were thinking about what a great bar tender she was. While at the grocery store, pretending to look for Brownie mix, but simply listening to everyone I could, I crossed paths with a girl named Jessica, who was thinking about how Mike Newton always watched Bella so intently when she danced on Friday nights. She was actually jealous. I smirked as I watched Bella dance in her mind. Bella had a preference for dark colors, and this night, as she slid down the silver pole, her dark green lingerie met her curves in a perfectly sensuous way as her full lips pouted and she tossed her long hair behind her head. I shuddered at the things she didn't even know she did to me.

Surely there couldn't be two Bella Swans in this town, could there?

One seemed so angelic, and the other, so devilish.

It was like hitting the CTRL+Find command on a computer. Wherever there were individuals thinking of anything that had to do with Bella Swan, I was there, listening. Like I said, it was a game.

And that game had led me here, unhappily sitting outside of Mike Newton's apartment building, waiting for Bella to fall asleep so that I wouldn't be distracted from developing my plan to meet her. I wanted to know everything that went on with her, and her being awake and active severely disrupted my concentration throughout the week.

When I arrived back at my home, my sister Alice sat on the stairs, jumping up seconds before I walked through the door.

_I'm going to make $300 tomorrow night. She_ smiled, letting me read her thoughts as she jumped up and down like a five year old. Her short hair took on a life of its own as I smiled back at her.

"How exactly do you plan on doing that?"

She answered with her view of the future. My clairvoyant sister had always seen things that were to happen, and apparently, she and Rosalie had decided that they would become strippers because it was a vocation they had yet to dive into. In Alice's vision, a man's voice announced that 'Wonderland' would be on the stage with her sister 'Rosie.' I laughed at that, so glad that this vision didn't contain either one of their bodies. I couldn't bear to look at my sisters that way.

"Clever nickname," I remarked, patting the top of her head.

_Thanks! But, guess what else I saw!_

"Show me, please," I provoked her.

In the same instant, I saw that Alice was watching the bar. Emmett and Jasper, my brothers, watched as their girls danced on the stage, and clapped along with the terrible music as the show continued. Alice was focused on the girl tending bar, because she had a small cut on her left arm, underneath the cuff of her bunny costume. She was still bleeding, and the fresh blood in the air was becoming more potent as she ran around making drinks for her customers. I could make out the black and white tail that hung from the back of her corset lingerie, watched as her fishnet stockings clung to her legs in such a way that made the venom in my mouth pool involuntarily. I swallowed it back down and shook the image from my brain.

"Bella will be tending bar," Alice finally said aloud, smiling brighter than ever.

"And?" I was fighting back a grin already.

"And…? And, you're gonna get to meet her! I've already seen it, Edward. It goes perfectly. She's instantly attracted to you. This is going to be fantastic! I'm going to get a $300, a new purse, and a new friend, and you are finally going to stop being so damn miserable! I am so excited right now!"

A feeling of relief washed over me. I believed Alice. I would meet Bella. It would all be okay.

"Oh, and, by the way Edward," Alice came closer to me, her head tilted upwards so she could meet my gaze.

"Yes, my dear sister?" I asked, the hint of a smirk making its way up my face as the good news sank in.

"You may want to buy a cigarette lighter, just saying," she giggled and kissed my cheek before dashing up the stairway.

As strange as her suggestion was, I was quick to run to the local store and purchase a new silver Zippo and keep it in my pocket.

***

The conversation that had taken place with Alice the previous night had led me here; to Forks Climax, 'the area's premier source for your topless entertainment.' I rolled my eyes as I adjusted my leather jacket and removed the lighter from my jeans pocket, making sure it worked for the third time tonight. I shoved it back into my pocket as I took in the fresh air outside, feeling a bit unsettled. I didn't know why I was so damn unsure of myself. I never had been this way before.

This girl was driving me to a state of perpetual insanity.

I pushed the door open gently, and the night time storm aided me in seeming casual.

It was then that I saw her.

She was a vision, to say the least.

Her eyes locked with mine, as if I had called her name. It caught me off guard.

I made my way to the bar, taking in the scents and thoughts of the completely foul-minded patrons that sat all around her. I pitied her. She was an object of lust and desire, trapped behind a make-shift cage, dressed as an animal. I couldn't help but laugh on the inside, just a little. How strange. Humor was something I hadn't enjoyed in decades, but I couldn't resist as I watched her, staring wide-eyed, straight at me, with small black rabbit ears sticking out of her head. Her hair was pinned back in a very conservative way behind her ears, wrapped into a bun, with stray pieces flying all around, framing her thin face. An unlit cigarette hung from the same pouty lips I had seen in everyone's minds, and I realized just how right Alice had been about purchasing a lighter. This was what she had foreseen.

I would gladly be Bella's light.

I reached the bar, pulled the lighter from my pocket, and lit it inches from her face, quicker than I should have. Nothing about my timing upset her, as she leaned in graciously and accepted my offering. The warmth of her body, not to mention her scent, danced around me and made me feel as though the flame of the lighter was licking at the inside of my throat. Though I was officially uncomfortable, Alice had given me no reason to doubt my self control. I tried to let that shred of hope grow within me. I made my best attempt to smile whole-heartedly.

"Thanks for that," she said quietly, a slight blush coming to her cheeks. The beast inside of me roared.

So far, _charming_ was checked off my list of rumored positive attributes about Bella Swan.

"Nothing like helping a damsel in distress," I swished a potent amount of venom in my mouth before swallowing it back down as I stared into her dark eyes. She quickly twisted around as someone called her from the bar, and began making drinks at a swift pace, handing them to a server with a full smile as the cigarette still dangled from her mouth.

She had given me the chance to breathe. I sighed, relieved, as I went further down the list.

_Good bar tender._ Check.

_Smiling all the time._ Check.

She returned back to me quickly, leaned against the bar casually.

"So," she took a puff of her cigarette, and I noted how her chest rose within her corset as she did so, "what'll it be?"

I had forgotten. She was a bartender. And I was supposed to be a human man, buying a drink. I smiled and folded my hands in front of my face, praying that she wouldn't see the remnants of my smirk as I laughed at myself for thinking I was getting special treatment. The monster inside me laughed ferociously.

_You idiot,_ he said, _you're no better than any man in here to her. How dare you think of yourself so highly?_

I couldn't think of the name of a drink to save my immortal life right now. I was so consumed in the essence of Bella Swan standing inches away from me, I could not think correctly. Then, the monster gave me an idea.

Buy her a drink.

"I'm not sure; what's your drink of choice?"

The previous night's happenings led me to believe it was Jack Daniel's, but who was I to assume that that was her favorite?

The question seemed to surprise her as she reached under the bar for a bottle and a glass. She set it on the bar top in front of me.

"Me? Well, I'm a Jack girl myself, but he gets me into a lot of trouble," she smiled, finishing her pour. She seemed to be happy with herself. I still couldn't read her mind, and the fact continued to trouble me. I eyed the glass, then eyed her, pushing the glass toward her and gesturing with my hand for her to drink.

"As I said, always happy to help a damsel in distress," I felt that damn smirk making itself known yet again. She seemed even more surprised this time. Apparently, men weren't buying her drinks too often. She felt obliged to check on all of her customers, refilled a beer or two, and returned back to me and her drink after what felt like an eternity this time. Her scent blew into me with the draft in the club, and I had to white-knuckle the bar stool with my left hand in order to gain composure.

With her left hand, the still-bleeding hand, as Alice had predicted, she swiftly picked up the drink and shot her head back, gulping it down in one motion. The vein in her neck called to me as it became exposed. I longed to test myself, to touch her in some way. She slammed the glass with all her might into the bar top, and allowed her left arm to lie in front of me. It provoked me in ways I cannot describe. The blood, the sweet, warm blood, was attempting to clot as we sat. I decided to get some answers.

I wrapped my full hand around her tiny wrist in one gentle movement, no doubt surprising her as I did so. I felt the tendons tighten as she made a fist, her first instinct to flinch from my cool touch. The blood that soaked the white cuff of the costume that hung from her wrist tantalized me. It begged me to taste her.

Then, it occurred to me.

She had cut herself again.

She was self-destructive.

She wanted to be hurt.

And I so desperately wanted to give her anything that could satisfy her wants.

The monster inside of me concocted a plan that would no doubt end in Bella Swan's death. If she wanted pain, I could provide her with it in ways she couldn't even imagine.

My teeth could be the razor blade she used to hurt herself.

My venom, the alcohol she used to create the incoherent fire inside of her.

My existence, the death she so desperately seemed to want in this moment.

My passion for her, the best fucking sex she could ever dream of.

My desire, her desire.

It seemed like quite the even trade.

I looked to her now, desperate to gain the well-deserved answers to questions that had been continually filling my head for a few straight days now.

"Did you hurt yourself, Miss Bells?" It seemed incorrect to refer to her by her 'stripper name'. It agitated me to have to use it, but she obviously didn't want people knowing it was really her, even if everyone already knew. The man sitting next to me snorted, and thought about how it was 'so sexy' that he got to stare at the police chief's daughter half-naked all night long as she made him drinks and…

I blocked him out as the pulse of Bella's wrist, still within my grip, beat out of sync. I scared her. Maybe it was what she needed, to be a little frightened.

"That is your name, yes?" I smiled up at her. As her pulse pounded faster, her eyes fluttered and she mumbled.

"Uhm…yes… yes, earlier…before work."

I loosened my grip, the warmth of her blood becoming too much for me to handle. I didn't want her to hurt more, even though all I wanted in this moment was to kill her for tormenting me so.

"Well, Bells," I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to refocus my thoughts on better things, like her living, so I could continue to play my game.

"You should be more careful as to where you bleed," I warned her, frost attached to every word of the statement. It was completely true.

Her breath hitched.

"Uhh…thank you…I'll try to be more careful next time."

There would be no next time, as long as I was around. I was sure about that.

"Who knows, one day, your life may depend on that," I leaned closer, as did she, as I pulled her gently toward me in order to whisper in her ear. The man next to me was wondering why I was taking so much of her time. He was jealous. I smirked to myself again.

"Who are you?" she whispered back, and I chuckled, a combination of my stupidity and my happiness. Stupidity, because I wanted her to know me, yet hadn't introduced myself, and happiness, because I was thrilled that she actually wanted to know me herself.

"How utterly rude of me…I'm Edward. Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bells," I met her gaze and her eyes burned with true, meaningful desire that satisfied me in ways I couldn't describe.

In that moment, I decided to test myself further. I allowed my hard hands to slide down her forearm, to meet her hand, and lifted it to my lips, kissed her soft skin gently, quickly, before I could allow myself to lose control. The feel of her pulse and heat beneath my lips sent a jolt into my system as I placed her hand back to the bar top. Her breath became uneven yet again. I smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," her words would have been a whisper, were it not for the loud atmosphere.

I heard shouting. Not legitimate shouting, but the kind only I could hear, with my heightened sense of telepathy. I cringed, as I knew the 'voice' instantly.

Chief Charlie Swan.

_I'll prove to the guys that my baby girl does not work in this shit whole. She's not a whore, she's not. I just refuse to believe it. I really hope she's not in here. If someone in this town actually let her start working here, I will kill the bastard. Where could she be?_

Without looking, I knew that Charlie would be opening the door in approximately five seconds.

And that, he did.

And I knew exactly what Bella Swan's reaction would be, 15 seconds later. Humans have such delayed reactions. I rolled my eyes as the breeze came in and dragged with it Charlie's scent. He smelled of aftershave, grass, and a hint of Bella's scent, I assumed because she lived in his house. It was nowhere near as potent or becoming on him as it was with the real thing standing less than a foot away. A chill ran down my spine for the first time in a century. His mind was shouting obscenities as he searched the room for any sign of his daughter. Fortunately, Bella Swan had recognized her father and had made a nosedive for the floor, and was now making her way toward the end of the bar, couching and waiting for me to follow.

I could be her hero.

I could give her what she wanted, this very instant.

Opportunity was really trying to present itself here.

I smiled as I dashed over to her, and Charlie entered the bar. Without a thought about self control, I reached an arm around her thin waist, resting it on the small of her back, and then realized that I should hide her face, on the off chance that Charlie recognized his daughter even though she was masqueraded in a scandalous rendition of the Playboy bunny. I ran a hand over her cheek, and it felt like her skin would melt mine for a moment. I walked with her toward the dressing room doors in the back of the club.

Her heart pounded.

"I'll meet you in the alley way, just…just give me a minute," she huffed, and I nodded to her and departed to the alley way through the brightly lit exit door.

It felt like hours as I waited for her to come meet me. I began to worry that she had simply taken off, that I had scared her away, and that I would have to start from scratch again next weekend. I sighed at the prospect of yet another week of hell. It wasn't becoming.

The doors to the exit crashed together as she made her grand exit, leaned against the brick wall, and removed her very high stilettos. The knees of her stockings had acquired a few holes in them, and I was delighted to see that she had ripped most of the accessories of her costume from her body as she had made her escape. As she approached me, now barefooted, I fantasized about what I would do to her if she had removed every scrap of fabric from her body and left nothing to my imagination. Perhaps if I came to the Forks Climax on a Friday, when she performed, she would provide me with the satisfaction I so craved in that department.

Then she stood there, breathlessly, her chest heaving as she thanked me, unrelenting gratitude in her deep brown eyes.

"Thank you so much for what you did back there, you don't know," as if by instinct, I pressed one finger gently to her soft lips. The heat from her breath began to form condensation on my skin. I shuddered at the feel of it.

"Shh," I murmured, glad to have her finally alone, focused solely on me.

"It seems like you need more saving than was to be expected, Bella," I whispered, her name flowing from my lips was such an odd sensation. It made me feel…good. Her eyes widened further, but her breathing slowed. I sighed.

"How do you…" I pressed the same finger back to her lips once more.

"Shh…I just know. Don't worry now, you're safe with me."

She must have believed me, because her tension seemed to settle.

I removed my finger now, and leaned against the brick wall, trying to be casual. I slid down to sit on the concrete below me. She followed suit, throwing a duffle bag to the curb as well.

She let out a long sigh and pulled a pack of cigarettes from where they were stowed away between her breasts.

"Can I see that lighter again please?" she asked, eyelashes fluttering in such a way that made me wish I had a heartbeat that could be affected. I pulled the Zippo out of my pocket once more, lighting her cigarette without her asking. She smiled at me.

"So, Edward, was it?"

"Yes?" I smiled at her. My face was beginning to ache. I wasn't used to this expression being there. Something about her made it automatic though.

"Uhm, so, I think we should probably get out of here. I know you probably don't wanna hear it, and I really don't think you want to know my life story, but that was my father that just came through the door there," she explained as if I had no clue what was going on.

"Ohh," I tried to sound surprised.

"Yeah. He kind of…doesn't know…I work in a strip club. I'm pretty sure he'd murder everyone in there if he knew that those rumors were true. Thank you for helping me get out so fast. You don't know how much I appreciate it."

She seemed rather calm for someone who had just met a vampire for the first time. I thought for sure I would frighten her more than I did. Maybe she couldn't tell. Then again, maybe she could, but didn't care. She obviously didn't care that she was sitting next to a dumpster in an alley way with a perfect stranger. Was she suicidal or something that I hadn't heard about yet?

_Care-free lifestyle._ Check.

"It's not a problem, Bella. Quite the damsel in distress," I muttered, completely stunned by her actions, or lack thereof. She should have thanked me and ran off by now. My brows furrowed.

"Yeah, just your type, right?" she smiled, puffing on her cigarette again. I chuckled.

"You could say that, I suppose," I stared at her again, memorizing her pale features. She was beautiful. (Another check mark on the list taken care of).

Then, in one small instant, my world changed.

Faster than I could anticipate, she lunged for me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and her hot, wet mouth came crashing down upon me. I moaned in earnest, wanting to be able to reciprocate the action, but unable to control the urge to murder her here and now. No one would find her.

I could be long gone by morning.

Her tongue met mine in a sweet brush at the top of my mouth, and in a moment of great solidarity, I realized this was the devil, begging me to come join him in Hell.

My own personal Hell.

I was a vampire, and she had the most delicious taste I had experienced in over 100 years.

She was dead in less than a minute.

She let out a small moan, matching her burning hot chest with the leather of my jacket, and then abruptly backed away from me in a quick movement.

For a moment, I thought she might have some mystical power about her, because she was confusing me beyond my wildest dreams. It was hard to surprise a vampire. How exactly did she do it?

I had survived the sudden kiss. It wasn't her fault; she thought I was human. It wasn't my fault; I didn't initiate it. But we had both somehow survived her treachery, and perhaps we could move on.

She took my stunned expression as a bad thing.

"I'm sorry. I just thought…" she inhaled off her cigarette again and blew out the smoke hastily.

"No, it's…it's fine. I just," I started, fisting my hands, but I couldn't finish. I couldn't explain why I didn't react the way she wanted me to. Not just yet.

"You can't be kissing a stripper. I get it. A classy guy like you, I completely understand, Edward, really, I do," she paused. "You know, I'm not actually a stripper in real life. This is just my alter ego, Miss Bells," she smiled, and her eyes danced around, observing the drizzle that had begun to fall.

"I know, Bella, I know."

"But how exactly, do you know so much about me? I mean, I don't mind. Everyone knows…ohhh, wait, I see. You came in here to see if the rumors were true. New guy in town wants to go see the town whore for himself," she was quick to assume that I had been listening in on the rumors. It was unfortunate that she was correct. I sighed.

"Thank you," I murmured, "for the kiss. It was the best I've experienced in…a long while…"

More like 'ever.'

I wanted her to know that she had made me so happy, even though she was the reason my hands were trembling with loss of control at the moment.

"Uhm, you're…welcome?" she threw a glance towards me and I caught it with the best smile I could, her scent becoming, yet again, painful for me to endure. I had to get out of here.

"I should get you home," I remarked, hoping that the car ride would clear my head a little. I thought well when I drove.

"I don't think that's the best of plans, actually. There's no way I can go home right now. Charlie will be dying to find me and ask me questions. He's more receptive than you think. He…he has to know I was here tonight," her eyes fell now, a sad, pained look danced across her features.

Unexpectedly, Alice darted from the exit doors of the strip club, taking unnecessary breaths, an eager smile playing on her lips. She jumped up and down in her platform heels, and continually pulled money out of the skirt she wore.

"Yep, $300, right on the money," Her heels clicked across the concrete as she came around the dumpster to where Bella and I sat in silence.

"Oh, hi there, Bells! I'm Wonderland!" she smiled at Bella, and Bella smiled back, reaching up to shake Alice's hand. "You can call me Alice," she added, winking. I tried to fight the smile that approached my lips as Bella commented animatedly.

"Oh I fuckin' knew it! I knew your name had to be Alice! Like Alice in Wonderland! That shit's hilarious. You were great for a first timer. Nice to meet you, Alice. My name's actually Bella. Well, Isabella, but, you know, people around here call me Bella," she seemed to be going into a bit of shock, which didn't surprise me. She had just kissed a vampire, after all, and was fighting the urge to run screaming, in order to seem polite.

"Haha, yeah. And Rose really is my sister, too. How about that shit?"Alice laughed and then eyed me suspiciously.

_How'd you enjoy the kiss? Didn't see that one coming did you, brother?_ She giggled in her mind, and I must have growled automatically, because Bella's eyes widened with a newborn fear. Good, at least I had accomplished something I had set out to tonight.

_Now, now, let's not scare her away just yet, Edward,_ Alice thought, _after all, she is going to be staying with us tonight. _

My eyes narrowed and I clenched my teeth.

_There's a brand new set of clothes for her sitting on your bedside table. I love her already! She gave me an excuse to shop!_

"What?" I asked aloud, trying to play it off as though Alice's stare was bothering me or something.

"Oh, and Bella," she turned to Bella, bent down and hugged my shoulders, "This is my big brother, Edward."

"Wonderland is your sister?" Bella laughed, so care-free, she was, "No wonder you weren't sitting at the tables." She giggled more freely now. I was glad they were enjoying themselves. But not really. Now, they were both starting to agitate me.

_Oh, and, don't mind the giant bed sitting in the center of your room now. There's a nice big golden comforter in the linen closet upstairs. Thought it might come in handy_.

"Alice…" I groaned through my teeth. Alice passed this off as embarrassment on my end.

"Oh, well, looks like I should be getting home. Got a lot to do. Maybe I'll see you around, Bella?" Alice began to strut down the alley way, her posture still graceful, even in those ridiculous shoes she wore.

"Sure, next weekend. Nice to meet you Alice," Bella was genuinely happy now. It seemed like she was eager to get to know Alice now, as bewilderment filled her eyes.

"I need to get out of here. Do you want to come with me?" I asked her abruptly, not really sure what she would say. If Alice already saw this happening, and hadn't offered herself, it obviously meant that I was the one that would provide shelter for Bella for the evening. I would do it gladly. Bella laughed again and her eyes narrowed, filled with seduction. I offered her a hand and she took it, filling me with warmth once again. The cut on her wrist was finally starting to heal, slowly but surely. As she rose to her feet, her expression became more intense.

"Depends on what you mean by 'come'…" she smirked, as did I.

_Witty._ Check.

My list was almost completely confirmed.

"Follow me. You'll just have to find out, little damsel, won't you?"

Her heart raced, and I simply shook my head.

It was like taking blood from a cutter. In fact, that was exactly what it _was_.

Maybe this would be easier than I thought.


	3. Chapter 3: Lips Like Morphine

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 3: Lips Like Morphine

BPOV

Despite the urge to pour my soul out, I sat quietly as Edward drove the Volvo at the unbearable speed of 98 miles per hour toward his home. This was certainly…gauche. I sat and reflected proudly to myself, because I had never been in a situation where I could actually use this stupid word that I had memorized for the nursing school pre-entrance exams, until now. Our situation had everything; lack of social grace, sensitivity, or acuteness; awkwardness; it was all there, right in the dictionary. Perfect.

His wondrous scent filled the car in such a way that made me feel like it was illegal to breathe. He smelled like leather, cologne, and something else that I couldn't entirely describe in one sitting. I held my tight-covered legs together as I ran my hands up and down my thighs. It wasn't cold, but the thought of sitting across from this man while I was half-naked made me shiver.

I didn't know exactly what this feeling was.

After all, I danced naked for money in front of strangers all the time. Why exactly was I feeling so self-conscious now?

He was gorgeous, the corner of his mouth hinting at a grin as he continued focusing his attention on driving the Volvo. I felt my heart begin to race as I took in the clean-shaven structure of his jaw line, a sight in itself to behold. Combined with the rest of his face and his chivalrous demeanor, it would make any girl scream for joy.

I was one lucky bitch.

Intimidations, more than anything, rang loud and clear in my mind. Normally, I would be excited and sex-driven, but after kissing him and being painfully rejected, I had decided that this may not have been the most brilliant of plans.

The alter ego of 'Miss Bells' was slowly fighting her way through me. She usually died sometime around midnight, and with her, the over-confidence I felt in my stripper life left my body. It was unnecessary to continue to play Miss Bells when I was on my normal schedule. I didn't need her when I was being the nursing student. As Edward drove, I was beginning to descend into my normal state; becoming ordinary and clinical once more. Even though I was clinging to Miss Bells with every ounce of strength I had, the change would inevitably happen. My mind played through the possible scenarios that could occur if this change took place now.

I could simply have him drop me off at my home, and then go over to Angela's for the rest of the night.

I could fight through the embarrassment of leading a double life and cleanly stick it out with Miss Bells in her ambitious quest to get into this man's pants. I prayed for this option to work, unsuccessfully.

I could simply talk to him; get to know him. This seemed like the best option for my current state of mind.

He was so quiet and still as he drove. The speed didn't bother me, but I felt a bit insecure as my eyes darted between the speedometer and his face.

What was he thinking?

Then, as the car came to an abrupt halt, he answered my question.

"I was thinking you could spend the night here, that is, if you want. It's quiet here. My family won't bother you. You'll be free to do whatever you care for; study for school or practice mixing drinks or whatever it is bartending bunnies do after a long night of work."

I chuckled.

"You're a real smartass, Edward, you know that?" The crooked smile he gave as he gracefully opened my passenger's side door was breath-taking.

"I've heard that from time to time. But, what can I say? I know a lot of things," he remarked modestly and gestured toward his beautiful mansion-like home.

The walls seemed to be made out of glass and the balcony that hung above the main door was beautifully decorated with a million twinkle lights. I smiled at the sight.

"I would appreciate it if I could be your guest tonight," I said, weighed down by the beauty that surrounded me.

"Bella," my name on his tongue made my knees buckle as I tried to make it up the steps. He stopped suddenly and threw a muscular arm over my shoulder.

"You are more than welcome, any time. My sister is inside. She'll be thrilled to see you," he smirked as he opened the door and walked me inside.

Sure enough, there stood Alice, as if she had foreseen that I would be arriving shortly. She jumped up from her place on the bottom step of the wrap-around staircase and smiled cheerfully. I grinned back.

"Oh, Bella! Something just told me you were going to be joining my brother for the evening…I'm so glad to see you again!" she said, wrapping her arms around me with the same gentleness Edward possessed. I began making comparisons of the two as they stood, side by side, before me.

Their eyes were the same shade of gold. This was out of the ordinary. I had never encountered such striking eyes.

The complexions they boasted were identical, a white, almost eerie vision for the eye.

And most of all, they were both absolutely stunning. The poise with which they moved was unlike anything I had seen before in my life. I was now gawking, and embarrassed that I was doing it.

The discomfort in the room was palpable, as if no one knew what to say or do for a moment. Edward and Alice exchanged meaningful glances, which I translated into a dialogue in my head. It seemed like he was asking her if having me here was okay, and she seemed to be egging him on in such a way that he could not resist. She smiled and let out a heavy sigh before breaking the silence that plagued us all.

"Well, there is a bedroom upstairs that you would probably like, and I'm sure there'll be some clothes in there that would fit you if you'd like to change."

I looked down at my frame, still ornamented in fishnet tights and the corset that left little to the imagination. Then, I observed her. She was dressed in a bright red sweater and what looked to be designer jeans. Very dolled-up for a casual sit-down at home. I prayed that the clothes she provided me with would be a bit more comfortable. I was dying to get out of this costume, whether or not I was assisted by Edward.

He seemed to be fighting a smile that was creeping up his mouth as we thanked Alice.

"Let's go get you changed, then, we can all relax. Maybe have a drink or two," he suggested, not allowing any veiled meaning behind his words. All I could do was nod.

"Thank you," I mumbled, and followed him up the stairs.

20 minutes later, I was in their beautiful shower and feeling like a new woman; like myself.

And, I was alone.

This was so unusual. I didn't normally have time to reflect on my actions after I got home from work. I simply ended the day and continued on with life. But tonight was completely different. Never had I had the opportunity to think twice, or to be…worried by my own actions.

As I splashed the steaming water on my face and ran my fingers through my hair, I allowed my mind to wander. First, I thought of Edward. He was absolutely mesmerizing, engaging, dazzling, even. Irresistible. I didn't know what would happen with the rest of the evening. Perhaps I had made a mistake by kissing that perfect stranger who knew more about me than I felt comfortable with.

Then, I thought of my father.

Perhaps I had been an idiot for assuming that Charlie wouldn't ever set foot into the strip club that I worked in.

These thoughts left me unsettled.

Maybe this was exactly the type of wake-up-call I needed.

I needed to stop doing this.

Starting Monday, I would go acquire a job that required clothes, a brain, and a spatula. Maybe the Lodge was hiring cooks. Surely I could do that for a living. I didn't need to be meshing my life with degenerates and sexual predators in order to make money. My nursing school tuition wasn't paying for itself, but surely there had to be another way to make enough money to get by.

Back-tracking now, surely the cooks at the Lodge weren't making $300 a night like I was.

What a conundrum.

I was ashamed of myself. As I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, I was beginning to feel extremely conflicted.

Not ten feet from me, on the other side of the bathroom door, possibly laid a beautiful specimen of God's talent. Edward, the unsung hero.

I rolled my eyes. Surely, there was something more to him than his looks, or his charm, or his flawless body. There had to be. Much like me, Edward probably had many secrets. He couldn't be perfect. Perhaps he was conflicted as well, and that was why he hadn't simply taken advantage of me in the alley way as someone like Mike Newton would have. I was almost insulted, but had to reassure myself that people like Mike Newton and the countless other men I had encountered were nothing like this new man.

Dark, handsome, and mysterious didn't even begin to cover it. It disturbed me that I was so quick to assume that he was the good guy. There was definitely more to him than met the eye. Something about him struck fear deep into my core.

I dried my body off with a big fluffy white towel and tried to gather up the things I knew about Edward. I was disappointed that I couldn't come up with much. I had never heard of him, never met him before tonight. This disgusted me. I was standing, naked in the bathroom of a perfect stranger. How quick Miss Bells was to adopt someone's kind charity. My normal self, the Bella within, knew this was wrong. An alarm in my head sounded the danger from a mile away.

Maybe it would be okay. I would sleep here, and then wake up at 5AM and go home. Nothing bad could possibly happen. I could leave with my dignity, if I could only control myself.

Wrapping the towel around my body, I realized that I had brought no clothing in the bathroom with me. The clothes that Alice had made available to me were still sitting on the table in the bedroom, right next to where Edward was surely laying and waiting for me. I groaned in frustration.

_Play it cool, Bella, just open the door, get the clothes quickly, and run back in the bathroom. It'll all be okay._

I sighed and cracked the door, my mind racing with thoughts of what I would do if I found Edward laying in the bed in all of his naked glory.

Surely, I would jump on him like a trampoline.

_No, no, you can do this. You are a good girl. You can resist temptation. You just need clothes. ..NOW._

I forced myself to turn the doorknob, opening the door hurriedly and clutching the towel to my chest as the draft from the bedroom caught up with me. The scent of something that I couldn't put a word to filled my head and made me dizzy. It smelled like Edward. I loved it.

The distraction I had anticipated did not lie on the bed like I had subconsciously hoped. My eyes did a quick once-over of the large bedroom and I ran to the bedside table, grabbed the stack of neatly folded clothing, and crept as quickly as I could manage back towards the bathroom door. My feet still ached from my stilettos. I had to get better shoes if I was going to continue playing a whore. As my fingers met the golden doorknob, I was startled by a seductive chuckle.

"Oh, hello, fascination."

Edward.

I gasped, the clothing that I had in my clutches falling helplessly to the floor.

I was a goner.

"Uhm, hi there…" my voice became unrecognizable. I turned, faking a smile and running my now free hand through my wet locks as my other held on to the towel around my chest for dear life. I felt my cheeks turning a violent shade of red as my breathing became unsteady.

It didn't make sense. Not even an hour ago, I had been flaunting my body in front of him like a carrot in front of a starved horse. Now, I felt like I was being violated. A shy stripper. What an oxymoron.

"Hi," he patronized me as his eyes made their way up and down my body, then fell to the floor. I sighed in a little bit of relief. He was making me more nervous than I could ever feel at the strip club.

"I was just coming in to grab a candle. Alice and I were sitting out on the balcony, and we thought you might enjoy some mood lighting when you joined us," he smiled, his eyes still glued to the hard wood floor, "My apologies. It didn't occur to me to knock; I'm not used to having beautiful girls running around in towels in my bedroom."

If he weren't so drop-dead gorgeous, I might have believed him.

"I'm sure…" I was having trouble moving, even though I wanted to run to the bathroom, where serenity was calling me, a few steps away.

My sense of self-control wavered further as he took a step, and then another step forward. I shivered. As he closed the inches between us, my eyes permitted themselves to wander to his body long enough to notice the tight black t-shirt that clung to his chest. His dark jeans hugged his hips in such a way that made me terribly jealous.

Just as I began to regain my composure, he was leaning down in front of me, gathering up the clothing that was dropped in my fluster. His eyes rose to mine as he straightened up, offering the clothing back to me. Then, he smiled, paralyzing me yet again.

"You know, I must admit, I do miss the tail…but you…" he hesitated; his eyes wandering to where my tail would have been on my bunny costume. The act made me blush.

"You are ineffably gorgeous, no matter what you're wearing," he dropped the garments to the floor once more. I sighed, feeling hypnotized as he held a hand out to me. I took his hand warily, and he twirled me under his arm in one swift, astonishing movement as he admired my body.

As I came to an abrupt stop, I found myself crushed to his chest in a too-tight embrace. My heart skipped a beat as his hands came to rest at my hips and played with the fluff of the towel that was wrapped around my figure. He was absolutely freezing, but despite the involuntary shiver that coursed its way through me, I clung to him with all my might.

"Did…did you say you were outside just now?" I asked, trying to pull myself together, completely distracted by his touch. He nodded his head as he met my gaze and smiled brightly.

"Isn't it hot outside?" It was so strange. His skin should have been sweaty, burning, but instead, it felt as though he had just gotten out of an ice bath after a night of near-alcohol-poisoning. My friend had done that once, and I remembered the feel of her chilled skin quite well. It was the only sensation I could compare this to.

This question seemed to catch him off guard, as his smile briefly fell from his lips and then reappeared.

"It's quite warm out, yes," he replied shortly. I could feel my breathing spike as I lifted my chin to gaze into his eyes in a moment of pure awe. I melted in spite of the anxiety he caused me. I found myself lifting my arms up over his broad shoulders to rest behind his head, playing with his messy hair.

I had absolutely no control of myself.

I realized at that moment, my heartbeat was the only one I felt.

That struck a chord.

I swallowed hard as he opened his mouth, his chilled breath falling to my face.

"Why exactly are you so cold then? And, I hate to be rude, but," I hesitated, not wanting to upset him, my fear getting the best of me in this moment.

I was having an Edward-induced panic attack, right in his arms, at this very moment. The entire situation seemed utterly ridiculous. I blushed furiously, striving to recreate Miss Bells; she had been gone for much too long now.

"But?" Edward asked, one eyebrow arching. I sighed.

"But, I was just wondering, Edward, how exactly did you know who I was? And what were you doing in that bar, if your little sister was stripping there? The men I know would commit murder before they would let their little sister strip, and also, how did you know my real name? It just…it's a bit unsettling."

Well, at least the dialogue had presented itself in an almost-casual form. I felt my eyes growing wider by the second, waiting for him to say something, anything. His response was…alarming.

"What I know might surprise you, Bella," his eyes burned as he whispered. I didn't know what to do.

"I feel like there's something you're not telling me…about you. Something that's…important," I mumbled, my arms now travelling their way back down his, feeling more uncomfortable.

He turned cold. Not just his body, but his demeanor as well.

"There's a lot you don't want to know."

"Well, you see…I'm…I'm a very fact-based learner," I mumbled, the nursing student in me making her appearance for the first time.

"Yes," he sighed, almost smiling, pulling me tighter, "I would assume in the field of medicine, a lot of knowledge is based on fact."

I blinked, infuriated.

"How the hell do you know all of this about me!?" I shouted into his beautiful face.

What the fuck was I doing still standing here?

He was obviously stalking me.

This was bad news. _Run, Bella, run!_

But I could not move an inch. His grasp around my hips became almost painful as he pulled me harder to his chest and gulped, the Adam's apple in his throat bobbing.

I was truly scared shitless, and completely turned on at the same time.

"Well? Are you going to answer me?"

There was that damn crooked smile again. I struck his chest, begging him.

"Please, I promise I won't be mad…You're…scaring me. This is making me very uncomfortable."

"You see, Bella, I too, am a fact-based learner, and well, when I hear…what people think…I'm not so quick to assume that it is actually fact," his right hand travelled up my side, danced along my ribs, and rested on my collarbone. I automatically arched my back and pressed my hips harder into his. I shuddered at the feeling of his arousal against my body. A light moan escaped his lips, sounding more like a growl than anything.

I wasn't going to last long.

"And?" I whispered, pressing my face into his shoulder, fighting desire with every ounce of strength I had, and failing miserably. He was incredibly sexy and mysterious, and I was officially embracing the humility of my situation. The icy finger at my collarbone now slipped up to my chin and held it closer to his with massive strength. My breath was coming in short, low gasps now, and I worried that I might begin to hyperventilate soon. I would pass out, and he would surely kill me.

Why was I thinking this way? He wasn't going to kill me.

This wasn't a horror film.

If he had wanted to kill me, surely he would have done it in the dark, scary alley way, not in this beautiful bedroom, surrounded by glass. He simply wanted me like I wanted him, I reassured myself. It was purely sexual. He had heard through the grapevine that I was the town's little damaged whore, sleeping with men to make up for the void her dead mother left in her life. The void that she, herself, had created. That was all I was to him; an object of his lust.

That was just fine.

"And…aren't you going to kiss me again, Bella?" he asked coyly. His breath, coming in low rolls on my face, was as frigid as his body. My voice broke as I whispered, "Do I even have a _choice_?"

He laughed, his face inching closer. My heart jumped ten feet out of my chest, and my knees buckled again. I was trapped.

"Ah, Bella," he chuckled, the same, low, animal-like lust deep in his throat, "I believe the real question is," his lips were a fraction of an inch away from me now. I could already taste him.

"Do you really_ want_ the choice?" his eyes smoldered into the same unknown emotion I had witnessed before, and before I had a chance to utter my response, his lips met mine with such passion; I thought he would surely_ kill_ me.

I've kissed more people than I can count; men and women. I had even kissed him earlier on in the night, but not this way.

This kiss felt so _immoral_. Dirty. His seize around my hips increased intolerably, and the same groan fell from his mouth, into mine as I allowed my tongue to explore the plane of his smooth bottom lip. It was frightening, like the kiss was an exploit he had been imagining in his head for days now, and he was reveling in the pleasure of finally committing it. He was clearly obsessed, somehow, and I was grateful for every agonizing touch and groan I forced out of him. This kiss was breaking me down into little pieces that he would surely have to pick up and put back together like a puzzle. It was unlike anything I had experienced in my entire life.

Something had brought me here tonight, just to compose this kiss.

It felt like destiny. Harsh, deadly, excruciating destiny.

And I cherished it.

I was truly becoming a masochist.

When the kiss ended, it was his doing. I was left wanting more, feeling insatiable as I attempted to reconnect with him. He swiftly released me from his strong arms and took a step back, creating an impenetrable shield around himself with his blazing eyes.

Had they suddenly turned black, or was it just bad lighting?

I moaned again, disappointed, catching my breath. I folded my arms across my chest as I noted that he was perfectly still. He seemed to be having some sort of internal conflict. His now-black eyes gazed around the room, then to meet my watch. After a long moment, he spoke, his soft voice coming through clenched teeth.

"Do you want the truth, or do you feel that would be too much for you?"

"The truth," I whispered, clutching the towel around myself, "please."

"Isabella," he murmured, making my name seem like an altar he worshipped at, "do you know the meaning of your name?"

I blinked, suddenly confused by this question.

"Umm, I believe it means…consecrated to God?" I answered, unsure if this was true, but hoping it was. What did this have to do with anything?

"Yes, that's right. But you aren't very true to your name, are you, Isabella?" His black eyes narrowed in a vain expression. A chill ran its way down my spine. I was still petrified by him.

"I…I'm…a…stripper, Edward, no, of course, I am not very consecrated to God. I commit sins…on a daily basis. I'm…I am…a murderer," the truth flowed from me as my gates were broken down. I sighed heavily, his stare stabbing me with uncomfortable intensity as I stood, shaken.

"Bella, my name is Edward Cullen," he whispered, grief spreading across his face, "And I have a morbid infatuation with you."

Subtleties were obviously not his strong suit.

At least this was now out on the table. I rolled my eyes, inching closer, remaining cautious.

"That's quite…a declaration, Mr. Cullen."

"It is the truth. A fact, unfortunately. Something you should learn very quickly. Consider this…your warning," a strange new expression formed on his face, some might say it was remorse.

"Are you always…so…dramatic?" I asked, trying to hide the chuckle that rose in my throat. I covered my mouth with my left hand, and his eyes widened, darting straight for my wrist.

In a fraction of a second, he was there, next to me, holding my wrist once again in between his cool palms. His temperature made the now-healing wound feel less irritating.

He took my arm, palm up, and breathed in as he ran his jaw up and down my skin gently. I sighed at the pleasure his touch provided me with.

"This habit of yours, it's_ destroying_ me," he commented as if this was a terribly painful experience for him. My mind raced.

How did he…_know_ this?

He knew that I did this to myself?

No, no one knew. _This is all in your head, Bella. _

"As I said, I know a lot of things, Bella. I would not lie to you. I know that you lead a double life. At first, I thought there might have been two completely separate Bella Swans, but the woman I saw in everyone's minds was the same. One was a nursing student, beautiful, confident, intelligent, a wonderful daughter to the police chief. The other…was an irresistibly sexy woman who everyone was jealous of because every man in this small town wants her, and is willing to pay any ridiculous price to have her in his bed. And she knows this, and enjoys flaunting her body and making drinks for money, pretending to be a bunny, no less," he chuckled at some private joke, then continued his monologue, "But no matter which of you Bella Swans stands before me right now, one thing is absolutely clear to me."

I took a deep breath. This was far worse than I could have ever imagined.

"You certainly know how to wake the dead. Cutting yourself because you enjoy the pain; not only is it masochistic, it's dangerous. You don't always know what could be out there, catching your scent in the woods."

I was having an epiphany.

"Be careful where you bleed…" I mumbled, remembering the line he had used in the bar. At that point, I had thought it was simply a joke. A strange new pick up line. Anything but…

What was he, _exactly_?

"Exactly," his eyes scorched my wrist as he stared at the small cut, "you're almost lucky it was me who caught your scent…God forbid if a newborn were out there…you could be dead right now,"

"What are you…trying to tell me?" I asked, begging him to end my misery. This was getting too real, too fast. I was terrified, but in an odd way, felt relief that we were finally…getting to know one another, even if it was rather unconventional.

"I believe I can help you with your little desire, Bella. I am very…well equipped."

"How so?" I followed him to the bed, nearly tripping at he guided me with grace. He was painfully beautiful, even though every fiber of my being was shouting at me to flee the room and never speak of this again.

_Destiny,_ I reminded myself. Everything, after all, happened for a reason.

Or did it?

All I knew was I was sitting on the foot of a large bed, wrapped in nothing but a towel, next to the most gorgeous man alive, who had just admitted that he had a 'morbid infatuation' with me.

Did life get any better?

Edward's face formed into a perfectly serious expression.

"Your blood, Bella, is what has drawn me to you. You want the truth, and I want to give you what you want…"

"And?" I asked, starting to be frustrated with the drama. "Spit it out, Edward. I'm not gonna sit here wrapped in a towel all night," I muttered rudely. I instantly regretted it as his eyes, now taking on an even darker shade, if it were even possible, bore into my soul. I shivered again.

"Bella," he let out a long sigh, still debating internally, then, finally let himself free.

" I am a vampire, and you have the most irresistible blood I have ever encountered in over one hundred years."

"Oh," I responded, nodding, "I see."

And then, my actions obviously surprised him.

I took a deep breath, and burst into an uncontrollable, hysterical fit of laughter.


	4. Chapter 4: Better Luck Next Time

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 4: Better Luck Next Time, Prince Charming

EPOV

…Before I start, I should probably mention one diminutive detail.

I wanted to kill Bella Swan because of her blood, and _nothing more_.

In no way, shape, or form had she ever done _anything_ to me. I had absolutely nothing against her…

Until this very instant.

Was she…laughing?

No, no, definitely not, I reassured myself. That was impossible.

She was having a fit of hysteria. The bullet behind all of my loaded words had shot her in such a way that she had finally snapped. I strongly believed this, until she reached across the bed and punched my arm, her effort to injure me feeling more like a light caress than anything else.

How was she touching me? I had just admitted that I was infatuated with her, and then…I was a _vampire_, for God's sake. A disgusting, frightening, blood-drinking, obsessive _vampire_. How was this happening?

Didn't she understand? Maybe she was just attempting to come to terms with reality. Laughter, after all, was the best medicine by some human standpoints. I don't know what expression was hanging itself on my face as I watched her continuously heave herself about the bed, kicking her feet and arching her back as another spasm of giggles rose out of her.

I waited, not letting her inappropriate response to my confession get the best of me. My control was wavering as her breath danced around me with every exhalation she dedicated to my disgrace. I sighed heavily. This was so…I was so…fucked.

In this moment, I had no idea what to do. I wanted to grab her head in my hands and crush her stupid mind that made me feel so powerless in so many different ways. _Stupid mute mind._ The anger I was feeling finally reached the surface of my own mind.

_I'm Edward Cullen, dammit. I'm a vampire. I read minds. I have perfect self-control. I run at super speeds, and I charm everyone I meet…this shit does not happen to me. Ever. The end. _

If she wanted to sit in bed with a vampire and laugh at him, she was going to have to do it somewhere else, with some other vampire. And she would have to do this in some other universe, because, as I slowly came to the realization myself, I knew I would kill the other vampire before they could touch a hair on her head.

What exactly was I feeling in this moment? _A lot_, to say the least.

Immediately, I wanted to kill her. Secondly, I wanted her to take me seriously. And finally, I wanted to be able to laugh with her. I was thrown off by the last feeling.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to remain calm as she finally sat up; small bursts of laughter still erupting from deep within her. The towel she had been keeping such close watch over during our conversation was now wrinkled and inching its way up the side of her leg, hanging to her body by a thread. She wiped a single tear from one of her eyes as she met my gaze with a smile, and then chuckled once more. I rolled my eyes.

"Are you quite finished?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest, feeling like a child. A distraction coming from the back of my mind commanded me to pull the towel from her figure so that I could fully admire the temptress that she was. I remained still.

"This is the part where you are supposed to scream, Bella." I was not amused.

"…yes… yes… I'm…so sorry," she would not stop laughing, "It's just…" she was writhing uncontrollably yet again. My eyes fixated on the towel bitterly. Maybe being naked would stop her from laughing at a vampire. She seemed to notice the shift in my mood.

"It's just that…I don't know…you really don't seem like the type, and it totally threw me off, but…" her laughter was coming to a close. She was realizing the danger she was in, and soon, she would be out the door. Good.

"But what?" I raged through clenched teeth, "I don't seem like the type to what, Bella? Be a vampire?" Like she knew 'the type' that would be a vampire. Like there _was_ a set type. _Insane girl._

Her appearance suddenly turned…sexy, which surprised me. She lifted herself to her knees, and the white fluff of the towel slinked around her hips as she inched closer to me on the bed. Her eyes drove me wild. The monster inside was dying to get this over with. Why was she still coming so close? My glare stayed focused on her as she grinned wickedly and tossed her hair, sending me into a frenzy that I struggled to keep completely internal. A growl escaped my lips in frustration.

"Hush hush, baby, it's all good," she murmured, her arms snaking their way around my shoulders as she looked down on me from her new position. I struggled to compose myself. I leaned back, hands falling behind me, gripping the comforter for dear life. I felt the threads of the unnecessary blanket trembling under my grip, and I knew this would most likely end in tragedy. I still didn't know what the hell she was doing.

She crept her way over me, positioning her knees besides each of my thighs, and straddled me, the weight of her bottom resting just below my groin. I should have put it to an end there, but she was reawakening my deathly lust for her, reminding me that, before anything, I was a man by nature. Even before I was a vampire. I didn't dare to inhale.

"What exactly are you doing? Don't you understand? I.."

"Shhh…I know. I know. You're an evil, scary vampire, Edward," she smiled, pressing a burning finger to my lips. The thought of her skin, a fraction of an inch away from my teeth, made her scent all the more intoxicating. I gulped down the venom that protested my restraint, and she misinterpreted the action as nervousness.

"I know what you want, baby. In fact, I've wanted to give it to you. All. Night. Long. Go ahead, do it," she pulled her hand away from my mouth, fisted her long brunette mane in one hand, and leaned her head to the side, exposing her jugular in the most appealing proposal. I felt the shreds of the comforter in my fists. "Do it, Edward. Bite me. I want you to," her hands moved to the back of my head, and I could feel her attempt to pull my mouth closer to her neck. I could feel the heat of her pulse, racing toward me in waves. Her soft skin may as well have been transparent as I watched her blood dance alluringly through her veins. I resisted circumspectly. I switched my attention to her eyes, and searched desperately through all of the desire I found within. This wasn't really happening. We remained perfectly still for a moment, her weight resting on me, her blood, sitting before me on a silver platter, beckoning me to savor her. I shuddered at the delight it would bring me.

I watched as, for a hint of a second, the seductive expression she had been wearing turned sarcastic, then back. I smiled. She thought I was just acting.

If only she knew.

In that instant, a tremendous amount of relief washed through my body. I hadn't realized it, but I had just broken one of the cardinal rules of vampirism: do not speak of our existence. If she had believed me, I would surely have been a fire burning on a hillside by morning. Even though I was among the living dead, I didn't want to be…_dead_ dead, if that made any sense. I wanted to live. I wanted to be able to exist, and to play this game with Bella, who had been unconsciously consuming my being for the last week of my life. This newfound revelation sent my mind spinning in all directions. Did I actually care for this girl, other than her blood? It was…too soon. I had never really felt so instinctively drawn to another being before. What was to say that I was capable of feeling this now?

"Edward?" Bella's voice took on a concerned edge as she pressed her warm hands to either side of my face and looked me in the eye. I had been so distracted by my thoughts; I had actually forgotten she was sitting on top of me, opening herself up to me in more ways than I could ever ask. My dazed reply wasn't the one she wanted.

"Bella," I shook my head and thought quickly, "sorry, I guess I just…I'm not really…in the mood." What a challenge it was to tell such a bold faced lie. If there were ever a mood to be in, _this _was it. And here I was, packing opportunity's bags and shoving it out the door. What a terrible vampire I was. Bella sighed. Her labors had gone unrewarded, and she obviously felt disappointed.

Salvaging the control that had led to all of this, I lifted my hands from the bed and wrapped them, this time gently, around her hips. Surely, I had bruised her enough for the night with my too-tight hold on her before. I sighed as she smiled innocently, lovingly. It felt...good. It was good to see a real emotion on her face, that wasn't playing a role or putting on an act. I didn't understand why her happiness satisfied me so. She shifted her weight on top of me, and my skin burned as the sensation.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm sure my…reaction didn't really help at all. Like I said, you just don't seem like the type who's into role playing, and I would know," she remarked thoughtfully, her fingers dancing across my face. I smiled, a genuine, whole-hearted smile.

"How is that?"

"Stripper's intuition, silly," she teased, playfully tapping her index finger to her temple and winking.

She was winking at me?

This had gone from bad to good in one short hour. I was impressed with myself.

"That's right, how forgetful of me," I chuckled as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Well, this is certainly a first," she whispered, her breath hot on my face and hair cascading its way over my shoulder. The scent of strawberries was urging me to disregard these new feelings I was having. I actually…enjoyed watching her shiny, wet locks resting in their new position. The warmth of her hair overwhelmed me in a completely human way.

"For me, too," I replied, content for the first time in years. The feelings I was having were like balloons being freed in the wind, rising within me and making me unsure of myself. Then, what she said made every balloon pop excitedly.

"I'm really glad that I met you tonight, Edward," she giggled, "even if you are a big old scary vampire."

She didn't know what that meant to me. She didn't even know that she was speaking the _truth_.

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm glad I finally met you, too, Bella," I found myself speaking the God's honest truth.

Well, this was certainly a new side to me. Evidently, I was losing my edge.

"I'm going to go get dressed. And then, we can go have a few drinks with Alice. You go get the booze flowing now," she jumped to the floor and patted her hands on my thighs in an extremely casual movement. I wondered for a moment how I was going to pull off the act of drinking alcohol with Bella. She thought I was human.

"Oh, and Edward," she leaned over to pick up the disregarded clothing items that scattered the floor.

"Yes?" I asked, rising to my feet and taking a deep, burning breath.

"I still want to know how you know all that stuff about me, but I guess it can wait," she smiled.

"Vampires don't tell their secrets, Bella," I grinned. Her responding laughter shined a light on my dead heart as I closed the door behind me.

I left Bella alone and went to find Alice, sitting out on the balcony, her foot resting impatiently on the table of the patio set. She stared at me blankly, like a mother disapproving of a child, her hands fisted close to her chest, warning that her tiny wrath was about to be brought upon me. I sneered at her. Her expression turned cold. Even though I was expecting her to be upset with me, I was a bit surprised.

The night had turned in our favor. The normally rainy summer weather of Forks had ceased, allowing the breeze to bring with it a whole new scent. It felt like freedom as I inhaled deeply; glad to have some scent other than Bella filling my head. Alice sat perfectly still, resembling the vampire that she was.

Her mind was singing 'Amazing Grace' in German. I rolled my eyes. I absolutely hated when my siblings directed their minds with the sole purpose of annoying me. I could tell that Alice was none too happy with me.

"So, give it to me, let's hear it," I urged her, taking a seat and lighting the candle in my hand before setting it down in the center of the table. I had, after all, been gone for a good hour, while she waited for me to retrieve the candle from the bedroom. I hadn't lied to Bella about that. Alice continued singing telepathically, unaffected by my presence.

_Mit der Zeit endlosen, Die Lieder von deinen gewählt. Es werden immer deine Herrlichkeit, o Christus  
Wie in Zeiten, in denen ich glaubte. _

She eyed me, trying to look hateful. I couldn't help but see the edge of anxiousness in her posture. It worried me slightly, but I regarded it as an affect of my conversation with Bella.

"Alice? Come on, stop it. Just let me have it." Her appearance began to waver as she repositioned herself in the wicker chair. I braced myself for impact.

"You...Edward Cullen, are the stupidest vampire I have ever met in my entire existence," she whispered harshly. I frowned.

"Why would you say that?" It was like a game to me, at this point. I knew Alice, not to mention the rest of my family, would know every word that Bella and I had spoken. It was hard to get privacy in a house filled with vampires, even if you tried your best.

"Because, Edward, do you even realize how worried I got when I foresaw that you would actually tell her the truth? All I saw was Bella being extremely frightened by you, and then, for the slightest moment, I saw that you were going to kill her. I'm awfully glad you changed your mind," her face became somber; "I almost lost my best friend."

I didn't really know what to say to Alice. She seemed very upset. I raised a comforting hand to her shoulder and tried to apologize. Alice had already seen all of the fun memories that she and Bella would create together. I watched as Alice's thoughts led me to her memories; she and Bella tending bar at the club; Alice painting Bella's toenails on her bed and laughing as they watched a terribly directed horror film. She had become so excited of what was to be between her and Bella. And for a brief moment or two, I had erased everything she loved so much. It made me feel awful.

"Alice, I'm so…sor—"

"Don't you dare say another word, Edward. You don't get to apologize this time. This isn't just about you anymore. You are being an imbecile, and you have no right to take my future friend away. I won't let you. This is very unfair, you know. You can't even begin to appreciate…" she huffed, making me feel like an absolute ass."You are not going to kill this girl, no matter what. If you want to do that, you are going to have to go through me. But that's not why I'm upset."

My sister had never made a threat toward me in all the time we had been together. We were a package deal. She saw the future, and I read her mind and shared her talent. We were much closer than the rest of our family was. It pained me to see her like this now, but I didn't understand, couldn't appreciate…what, exactly?

"Then what the hell is your problem? Can't you just tell me?" I begged, completely confused. Her mind was racing between some random image of Bella crying, and me sitting next to an unidentified woman. She quickly tried to close me off by thinking of the German lyrics in her head yet again. What didn't she want me to see? There was more in there.

"Do you even realize what you did in there, just now? You actually told Bella that you are a vampire. You broke the cardinal rule, committed the ultimate crime in our world. Does that not worry you, just a little bit?" Alice glared into my eyes, her manner unlike anything I had seen of her before. Her words did not help my self-loathing thoughts.

I really was a _terrible _vampire. I couldn't even keep my mouth shut about my existence, and all because Bella Swan had this irresistible blood and incredible body. She had such a sinister appeal, and was the reason I had become completely ignorant. She was going to be my demise.

"No, it really doesn't," I mumbled, the words coming from my mouth automatically, surprising even myself. Alice suddenly smiled a little, playing with a stray piece of hair that blocked her eyes.

"Good, I guess. I just wanted to see if what I saw was true."

"And what exactly was that? Show me, please," I asked, my curiosity suddenly peaked. Alice stifled a laugh with her tiny hand and looked toward the sliding glass door, just seconds before Bella made her grand entrance. My breath caught in my throat, and Alice sighed at the sight of her soon-to-be best friend.

Bella walked, more gracefully than a human should, toward us and pulled herself a chair. The blue scoop-neck sweatshirt she was wearing caused a swift change in my mood. I felt a smile creeping on my lips as I observed her. She had the most wondrous glow about her; her cheeks were colored with excitement and her long brunette hair was tied away in a pony tail, making it easier to witness her natural beauty. She was breath-taking, even for someone who didn't need to breathe. I sighed as she took her seat and tapped her black-painted fingernails on the glass table top. Alice, who eyed me mischievously, was back to her usual self with Bella's arrival.

_Hmm…what's that I see on your face, Edward Anthony? Is that…oh my God, could you possibly care for this little human girl, you big scary vampire?!!!?? _She giggled internally.

I kicked her chair abruptly and blocked out anything else she was thinking. She was not going to ruin this moment for me. She was not going to tease me now.

But I couldn't help but wonder as her thoughts turned back to singing in German. What was she trying to block from me?

_Don't get pissy with me, Edward. I'm not going to let you forget how badly you hurt me just now, just you wait. You'll get what's coming to you, and I won't say when, but you'll know, ohhh, you will know._

What the hell?

"Am I…interrupting something? I can come back in a minute, if you want," Bella's voice rang loud and clear over top of Alice's incessant mind-singing. I sighed with relief, glad to be distracted from my sister's threats. I turned to Bella, smiling warmly.

"No, no…Alice was just…" I eyed the Zippo lighter that lay before me on the table and took it in my hand, Bella watching my every movement.

_What exactly are you doing?_

"My sister was just showing me this Zippo trick. Have you ever seen any of them?" I improvised quickly, palming the lighter from one hand to the other quickly. Bella laughed, pulling out a cigarette from the pack in her duffle bag.

"Edward, I work in a bar. Come on. Give me a little credit here. Do this trick first, please," her voice was muffled by the cigarette now between her lips as she pointed to it. I decided that this was a perfect opportunity to impress her with some sort of bar trick. It seemed like a perfectly human gesture. I smiled as I twirled the silver lighter in my fingers, leaning back in my seat.

"Every heard of the Twilight Zone?" I asked, sifting through all of the tricks I had learned in the past few days. I was regretting that I hadn't used this on her at the bar earlier in the evening. She cocked an eyebrow as she shook her head. I laughed.

"Well, it's quite...impressive. Watch," I said, flicking the wheel of the lighter with my thumb, the flame rising from its chimney. Her brown eyes became fascinated as I pulled my thumb and forefinger together over the top of the flame, making it disappear for a brief moment. Alice scoffed as I snapped my fingers together over the wick of the lighter, and the flame suddenly reappeared. Bella's head began to bob up and down furiously as I bent towards her, holding the lighter out for her use.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen. You can do magic. Very nice," she laughed, exhaling smoke and looking to the sky. She took the cigarette from her lips and held it just before her jaw line, eyes making their way to Alice.

"Your brother is quite the swindler, as I'm starting to learn," her smile was too much for me to bear. Alice sighed and knocked her fists against the table, gaze dancing nervously around her. What was wrong? She finally answered Bella in a rush.

"Yeah, well, you should have seen him during the week. Something must have happened to make him so eager to…play with fire," she glared at me incredulously, and I met her eyes, unashamed. Something _had _happened. _Bella had happened_. Bella wasn't quick to rush to my defense. Instead, she decided to flatter Alice's clever play on words.

This made me…jealous?

I didn't know what was getting into me, but I didn't really like it. I decided to embrace the change full-on as Bella and Alice continued to laugh at my expense. She was amazing in every way possible.

"Yeah, he was pretending to be a vampire a few minutes ago. He scared the living crap out of me," Bella smiled as she placed a light touch on my shoulder. Her warmth radiated within me, filling me with feelings that had been unspoken for too much of my long life.

I was obsessed. No, wait, how had I so eloquently put it before? Morbidly infatuated. If that didn't sum up all the emotions running through me in this instant, I didn't know what did.

Alice clenched her teeth in an effort to remain amicable.

"Oh, really? How silly…" she muttered, striving for a change of subject. If looks could kill, I would have dropped dead.

_You are a jackass! _I smiled at Alice's quip.

"Bella, I just love your nails! Where do you get them done?" Ah, how my beloved sister could so easily distract anyone.

"Oh, thanks. Uhm, I actually have Roxy do them at the club. She's the house mom, so she's really great at all that stuff."

Alice's brow furrowed, as did mine. We were unfamiliar with the terminology Bella used, despite our expertise in countless areas. Bella instantly sensed our confusion, and explained.

"She's…oh, how can I explain this? She's like…like a mom, I guess. You know? Someone who takes care of you and feeds you and is there when you have a problem…She fixes all of our makeup and costumes before we dance, and she normally makes sure we all stick to the rules. She's really…great. I guess you haven't met her yet. They usually give new dancers a week or so before they meet her."

I could hear the pain in Bella's voice as something in the back of her mind must have caught her attention. Her gaze fell to her lap, and I could see the hint of a tear welling up in her eye. I wanted more than anything to be able to comfort her.

Alice was quick to cut the distance between them, instantaneously jumping from her chair and putting her arms around Bella's shoulders.

"Awe, Bella, it's okay…you know, I'm gonna need you to teach me some stuff. I've never been a stri—exotic dancer before. There's a lot for me to learn. Rose, too." Alice's words seemed to distract Bella just enough so that she could temporarily recover from her sorrowful thoughts. I couldn't read her mind, but her eyes read like an open book. She was missing her own mother. Her pain made me ache in an entirely new way. Bella seemed to embrace Alice's comfort.

I couldn't touch her now, so I decided to play with my lighter in an effort to regain her attention. _Look at me, Bella, look at me. I'll do parlor tricks for you all night long, if you'll just give me a little more of your attention_. If it made her…happy again, I was certain I'd do just about anything.

Alice turned her head and grinned evilly at me before changing her attention to Bella once more.

"What do you say me and you go upstairs and have a little…gentlemen's club employee chat? I wanna know all the dirty details. Where do you get your costumes? Can I make my own? Why does-"

"Alice," I cut her off, "I think Bella may want to sleep. She's had a pretty brutal night." My eyes were trying to tell her that I wanted to be alone with Bella again, and that she wasn't going to stop me. Bella seemed adverse to my opinion as she smiled, yet again. That same glorious smile came, and with it, her heart beat fluttered. She knew Alice and I were bickering over her. I hoped for a second that I alone caused her heart to act so sporadically.

"No, really, Edward, it's okay. I mean, I think it'd be nice to talk shop with Alice for a little bit. I don't ever really get to talk to anyone about my job…"

"Oh, okay…"

Was I…hurt?

_Fuck my immortal life. I'm Edward Cullen, and I'm supposed to be the big scary vampire, but I'm really just a huge pussy. Pathetic._

Alice's thoughts came as if she were screaming at me. I jumped at the volume that they pierced my extra-special 'ears.'

_Better luck next time, Prince Charming. Looks like I'm foreseeing me taking Bella home tomorrow morning…you lose. And just wait for what else is in store. Do Re Me Fa Sol La Ti Do._

Alice's presence was beginning to wear on me. I felt it was best if I just let her win. Bella would be safe with her, and they would be inside, 3 doors away if anything happened. I took comfort in this fact. I chuckled to myself. Bella really didn't need protection from anything except _me_.

"Come on, Bella, let's go upstairs. Say goodnight to Edward. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to show you this crazy new pole dancing move I learned…" Alice's attitude had fluctuated so much in the last few minutes; I didn't really know what to make of it.

And she was still thinking about Solfege syllables, blocking me out. It was very unsettling. Bella rose from her chair and threw her cigarette out over the banister, into the yard. Her face became a bright, shining star in the sky.

"You…you have a _pole_ here?" she asked Alice, surprised. Alice's hair shook as she jumped up and down, clapping her tiny hands together excitedly.

"Yep! Just got it yesterday. Come on, let's go!" Alice ran to the sliding glass door at a very human pace and stayed put, allowing Bella and I some privacy for the first time in what felt like days. I jumped to my feet, eager to take advantage of this time. Suddenly, Bella embraced me in what she thought to be a tight hug. I laughed.

"What's so funny?" she asked, eyes shining up at me. The feel of her arms wrapped around my waist was indescribable.

"My sister is about to torture you. I think she likes you more than I do. You better be careful," I teased. She laughed whole-heartedly, her face inching closer to mine with every passing second. I longed to be able to remain calm, to just feel in this moment, but I couldn't stop feeling like the dangerous being that I was. I was a monster, definitely not Prince Charming, as she thought I was.

"Well, as long as she's not a vampire, I think I should be fairly safe for the night." Her voice took on an edge of sarcasm as she spoke. Her words struck an ironic chord in me.

"Don't…don't worry about that," I whispered. She smiled again, and rose on her toes to press her lips to my icy cheek. I remained perfectly still, internally debating whether or not to take her right then and there. Alice would never get the chance to be her friend, but I would never have to compete for Bella's affection. This game was becoming more amusing and more masochistic by the second.

"Goodnight, Bella," I sighed, defeating myself.

"You know, it's funny, any time I come to a guy's house, it doesn't normally end this way. He's usually passed out drunk before he gets to say good night." I didn't want to think about her in the arms of anyone but me.

"Let's just say…I'm not like any men you've met before, Bella."

"I know that already. I don't often meet vampires."

I began to feel frustration as she referred to my secret so casually.

"Don't tell anyone. This is our little secret," I said, trying to play off the unbearable urge to kill her as shame.

"Don't worry. I won't tell. My lips are sealed. You shouldn't be embarrassed of what you are." She was officially teasing me. Alice, thank god, decided that two minutes was enough time for us to say good night.

"Alright! That's enough! Come on, you can see each other again soon. Don't make me break this up old-school…" Bella laughed at Alice's somewhat empty threat.

"Goodnight, Edward. Thanks for everything," she whispered, and left me alone with all my thoughts and feelings.

Ten minutes later, after replaying all of the events of the evening, I raced around the surrounding forest, trying to clear my head.

What was this girl to me? Where had she come from? And most importantly, how was I going to enjoy her blood, if my emotions had committed such an infidelity? I cared for her. No, I was fanatical about her. Was there really a difference?

I crouched low to the ground, not making a sound as I watched a deer feeding on shrubbery in the distance. I had gone without hunting for too long, and one look in the mirror had shown that my hunger was more than I could bear. Bella Swan was a lucky girl. If she had made just one more gesture out of place, I would have snapped.

As I pounced on the deer and broke its neck hastily, I imagined doing this to Bella. This would not work. I could not destroy something so beautiful. I would have to devise a way to get her blood, but not kill her in the process. Her self-destructive tendencies would definitely work to my advantage.

Then, it happened.

My world came crashing down around me as I heard someone's thoughts coming from a distance.

_He's mine. How could he not realize? I'd do anything to get him back, and if he thinks for second… He's so fucking hot. I can't wait to have him inside of me again. What other man would…_

I wiped the remaining blood of the deer from my face with my sleeve, my animalistic behavior interrupted by the intolerably familiar 'voice.' My eyes widened in shock as I realized this was what Alice had been blocking from me by reciting German lyrics and music theory in her mind all night. She was the worst kind of evil.

I would literally kill my sister. I would do it tonight, in front of Bella, and then, I would take Bella, too. The murderer within me rose to the challenge as I turned to face the galling owner of the voice. Her golden eyes were lit by surprise as she smiled devilishly. I scoffed in response, bracing myself for the incessant rambling of dirty deeds that my appearance would cause her to generate.

"Edward," she uttered, hands playing with the hem of her very short skirt. Venom produced itself against my better judgment. I swallowed it back, hating the world.

"I've missed you."

"Tanya!?" It was all I could manage at the moment.

Alice was undoubtedly going to be a cloud of smoke by dawn.


	5. Chapter 5: Subject to Setback

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 5: Subject to Setback

BPOV

He was hovering over top of my body, attending, with his icy lips, to every curve. His hands were trembling as he played with my hair, pulling me closer to him. His body was as glorious as I had imagined; his perfect, cold, lean chest sliding gently against mine as his fingers crept their way to my wrist. I shuddered at the sensation. Placing his lips over my dozens of scars, he murmured against the pale skin of my left wrist.

"Are you absolutely certain about this, Bella? I could lose control…I could…kill you…" his voice was the most glorious sound in my universe. My free hand brushed through his bronzed, messy hair in a gesture of comfort.

"Shh…just…do it. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. Please, Edward, please be my distraction," I cried, fear potent on my breath.

In that moment, he nodded and kissed my wrist once more, before I felt the searing pain of his razor-sharp teeth cutting into my skin. The blood flowed freely, and the smell overwhelmed me as I moaned in perverse pleasure.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked, lips still hot with my blood. I stared at him blankly. His eyes took on a new color, the color of regular, human eyes. Blue. He suddenly had a long blond ponytail coming out of the back of his head. I closed my eyes and shook my head violently, coming back to the reality of the present moment.

"Bella, if you're not ready to do this procedure yet, just let me know. I can move it to tomorrow," my professor was standing inches away from me, holding a catheter in front of her face. Her pink scrubs played tricks on my eyes.

Had I just been day dreaming about Edward being a _vampire_?

I had lost several hours of my life after I had spent time with Alice, and I was beginning to think that I was crazy. All of these memories and visions had been creeping in and out of my head all morning long. Normally, I didn't think about Miss Bells during the week, while I was being Bella, the nursing student. After Alice had dropped me off on Sunday morning, I had thanked God that the deterioration of Miss Bells had occurred in the middle of my conversation with Edward. I feared that, otherwise, I wouldn't remember him at all until the weekend brought Miss Bells' memories back to me. This was so unusual. I had such practice at keeping my two lives completely separate, and I became worried as my mind wandered again to Edward's blood-covered mouth. Something bad was happening to me.

I shook my head again. The smell had seemed so real. The scent of blood was burned on my brain, making my head spin and forcing the bile to rise in my throat.

"I'm…I'm sorry. I'm not really…feeling well," I spewed, grabbing the bedpan that sat idly to the side of the patient. I exited the room and began hurling angrily into the plastic green bucket, but continued to walk further down the corridors of the hospital, to the locker room of the student nurses. Several girls' eyes darted to me as I ran past them, to the bathroom stalls, and threw myself onto my knees. Never had my face been so happy to meet a toilet seat. I shuddered as my stomach continued its gymnastics routine and vaulted from the high bars.

"What's wrong, Bella, can't stomach the folie cath?" One of the other nursing students, Lauren, laughed at me as I recovered and lifted myself to my feet. I walked to the sink and washed my mouth out, spitting the disgusting taste of regurgitated protein bar down the drain. I glared at her as I wiped my mouth with the pocket of my white lab coat.

"No, actually, whatever I ate this morning is really getting to me. Maybe I should start following your lead and become anorexic," I retorted. Bitches like Lauren were the reason that the profession of nursing was frowned upon. Instead of making it about the patients, and caring for other human beings, she was all about the competition. And since I was normally at the top of my game, she was obviously excited to take advantage of my momentary setback.

"Ugh. Take it easy Bells, I was just joking around," she lied, pretending to be hurt. The name that she called me raised a new anger from within.

"My name is _Bella_," I muttered, refusing to think of my stage name at this moment. "I'm going home for the rest of the day. Sorry I won't be around for you to cheat off of on the muscular skeletal system exam. Have a nice day," I smiled as I packed my bags and grabbed my keys, completely satisfied with my frosty demeanor. As I walked out the door, I was greeted by my professor, who had come to check on me.

"Bella, are you okay? Are you feeling sick?" she asked, feeling my cheeks. "Maybe I can have someone take your vitals," she laughed, brushing a strand of hair from my cheek. I smiled back at her.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. I'm just feeling a little bit ill. My stomach has been turning. I just threw up. Maybe a bit of food poisoning," I lied, "I'm sorry, but I think I should be going home and resting. I won't be able to take the exam." Her face gave away the plan that I knew she would devise in my favor.

"Awe, Bella, you know you can just make it up tomorrow, or whenever you're feeling well again. You're one of my star students…you really help our success rates," she whispered, "So how about, in exchange, I give you a bit of an extension? It's perfectly fine, just don't tell anyone."

I smiled modestly, trying to play it cool. "Thank you so much, I'm really feeling horrible. I might have to take the next few days off," I sighed, putting on an act of disappointment. Lying was beginning to get incredibly easy for me. All the practice I put to use with Charlie was really starting to pay off. I laughed mentally.

"How about the whole week?" my instructor's bright smile reassured me that I was in no danger of suffering bad grades due to an absence. I smiled again.

"We'll have to see," I replied, walking toward the exit, "Thank you so much. See you when I'm feeling better. Thank you for understanding." She waved and then turned toward the lounge's door as I swiftly turned on my heel and bolted for the door.

Once inside my truck, I rested my head on the steering wheel and allowed myself one brief moment of solitude. I reflected, begging Miss Bells to let me feel what she felt. I didn't understand.

Why was I letting Edward Cullen distract_ me_? He was _Miss Bells'_ obsession, not _mine_.

I could answer the question with such ease. There were three attributes that Edward Cullen possessed that made him completely unforgettable. One, he was handsome, charming, and sexy. So sexy. I noted that my first explanation had three separate answers within, but ignored the fact. There were so many reasons. Two, Edward had mystery to him. He scared the living shit out of _me,_ but had mesmerized Miss Bells to the point that she was daydreaming about him fulfilling _my_ needs, mentally, physically, and most of all, sexually. I had never met a man like him before. And finally, the fact that the Edward, in_ our_ daydreams, at least, _could_ fulfill everything _we_ needed, provided the most clarity. _It was tempting for both of us to pursue such a man_. If only he were really a vampire. I laughed at myself, brushing a hand through my bangs and attempting to recover from my incoherent thoughts. How stupid.

Vampires didn't exist, and I was talking to myself in the first-person narrative, as if I were two separate people, having a conversation. Pathetic.

My meditation was interrupted by my cell phone, which screamed from its place in the passenger's seat. It startled me, and despite the urge to throw it out the window, I picked it up, noting the caller as I answered.

"Roxy?" I said, surprise thick in my voice.

"Hey there Bells! Goodness, I'm so sorry to call you in the daylight, I know you're probably at school, but I wanted to leave a message and ask…wait a second, why are you answering your phone?"

The house mom of the Forks Climax, Roxy, knew better than to call me during my 'real' life. She knew that I was a dedicated nursing student, the image of perfection for a daughter, and most importantly, that I was totally fucked up, and led a double life. She knew everything there was to know about me and Miss Bells. There would never be another person that knew more. My thoughts flickered to Edward, and all of the information he had already acquired about both of my lives. I couldn't help but wonder how he had gained all of his knowledge. I shook the thought from my head as I replied.

"I..got sick. I got sick and threw up and left school, actually. I don't know what came over me, but I'm feeling a lot better now and…I have the week off to get better…"

"That's fantastic!"

"What?!" I asked. How was it fantastic that I was sick?

"Look, Bella, I need you to be Miss Bells tonight. Please. Just one night out of the ordinary. I know you're all hell-bent on your schedule, but…" she must have thought it was stupid of her to ask, as she hesitated, because I had refused to help her on several occasions.

I didn't dance or bartend during the week. _We_ didn't dance or bartend during the week.

It was crucial that I kept my routine flowing normally, because one false move could end in complication. I was too weighed down with grief over my mother's death to be capable of _choosing_ one life or another. Miss Bells provided Bella with an outlet, something to plug her passion and frustration into, while Bella provided Miss Bells with order, goodness, and validation. I was both of these characters now, and I could never mesh them together. They were too different from one another, and fed off of each other so desperately that I would never survive if they ever joined forces. I shook my head in frustration as I turned the key in the ignition of the truck.

"Roxy, what the hell man? You know Miss Bells isn't really under my control. She can't just appear whenever you want her," I stated, matter-of-factly, feeling like I was insane. Roxy's muffled voice said something like "yes, thanks," away from the phone, and then laughed whole-heartedly.

"If I can't make you come in to work tonight, then I'm sure I could ask you to come in and pick up this obnoxiously decorated package that just came for you. Looks like someone has an admirer," her smirk was audible. My mind raced with who could have left a package there for me. No, not for me, but for Miss Bells.

Miss Bells didn't need anything from anyone.

"Umm…I'll stop by later on tonight. Charlie will kill me if he spots the truck in the parking lot. He's probably making his rounds right now, out on traffic patrol. You know," I urged her to grant me serenity. She sighed into the phone heavily.

"Alright, Bella, I'll let you get back to your boring old life. But you know, you should really start embracing Miss Bells, she's good for you. You're so…uptight sometimes. Maybe it's time for you to have a little fun. A week off from nursing school? Let Miss Bells run her course. She leaves you alone to study, and takes tests, and spends all day at nursing school, so why not just return the favor?" I grimaced at her rationality.

"Yeah, that'd make sense if you weren't talking about me being fucking insane," I remarked, feeling even more powerless.

The voice in my head chanted about how much it wanted to see Edward again.

"Well, either way," Roxy continued, "I'll be here. I have a bunch of new girls coming in tonight, and I'd love for you to be there to help show them the ropes. You should check this one doll face out…strawberry blonde hair; beautiful…Wonderland and Rosie brought her in this morning. It's amazing how gorgeous those girls are."

She had officially peaked Miss Bells' curiosity. Was she trying to make her jealous? I felt my stomach turn again as I responded.

"I'll be in to get the package, but I'm not making any promises," I muttered, "I'll see you later." I snapped the phone closed and threw it back on the seat next to me, refocusing on driving.

That was when the hyperventilation started. I couldn't control myself. I wasn't me. I wasn't Miss Bells. I was something, caught in the middle of two very strong personalities. It confused the shit out of me. I brought my hand to my lips, craving a cigarette. This was strange. I never smoked, but Miss Bells did.

Miss Bells was the stripper. She was the bartender, the whore, the drinker, the smoker, the person who everyone in the town of Forks talked shit about.

I was Bella. I was the well-behaved, straight-edge nursing student, the exemplary daughter, the goal-oriented individual that everyone cherished.

My mind raced.

So _who_, exactly, was the cutter?


	6. Chapter 6: Sorry Dudes, My Bad

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 6: Sorry Dudes, My Bad

EPOV

In retrospect, I decided my actions had been quite juvenile.

My newly acquired view brought _exceptional_ clarity with it. I chuckled darkly as I struggled to move. My brother Emmett and his brute strength had me trapped in the most painful position, as he increased the weight of his foot on my neck. My head was sandwiched between a rock and a hard place, literally.

"Emmett, I swear, if you don't let me go, I'm going to-"

"What? You're going to what, kill me?" he laughed at me. "Seems awful hard to do when you're all the way down there. You really need to slow your roll, ya know, pal?" Emmett's booming voice came loud and hard as he crushed the sole of his boot harder into my throat. A growl rose from deep in my chest. "This is for your own good. I'm doing this because, seriously, I love you man, and you'll be very upset with yourself if you end up killing Alice," he responded.

"Ahh! Fuck you, Emmett," I spat, flinching. This was ridiculous, not to mention, completely unfair.

"Love you too, bro," he laughed whole-heartedly, remaining still as a statue. From where I lay, head against a rock in the landscaping, I could barely manage to glare hatefully in Alice's direction.

Rosalie was holding her back with one hand, stopping her from attacking my vulnerable being, as Jasper strived to utter comforting words into her ear. My offending sister struggled to break free. I sighed in aggravation.

"Alice, stop moving! This is insane!" Rosalie hissed, trying to control the tiny vampire in her grasp. Alice rolled her eyes.

"No! Let go of me! This is absolute _bullshit!_ He's a _psychopath_! He's stalking _humans_! He admitted his _existence_ to one! And, come on, all I did was not tell him about Tanya! I thought he'd enjoy the surprise!" she screamed, looking more like Tinker Bell than the vicious vampire she attempted to be. Her expression turned sweet. "It's hilarious, isn't it? Please, just let me go," Alice's constant begging was driving me insane as I lay, immobilized by Emmett, in the mulch of the landscaping. The answering amusement of her comment, coming from each of my siblings, flared a new anger inside of me. I was going to destroy all of them, not to mention the arrangements of flowers and shrubbery in our front yard. Esme was going to be pissed.

"You know I don't care for surprises, Alice," I mumbled, "Just give up. What do you say we call a truce, and I'll just kill you later?" I sneered at her, and she simply shook her head in disgust.

"Enough," Carlisle's fatherly voice came from the opposite side of the yard, the most frustrated tone I had heard from his lips in several years now. A disappointed look spread across his features as he gazed into my eyes. "You broke a rule, and Alice felt you deserved a little bit of punishment. You brought this upon yourself, son." If I had a beating heart, it would have sunk. His eyes crushed mine with such intensity; I didn't know how to react. I hated more than anything to upset him. I was being immature. I was being completely irrational. I was the reason the family was in turmoil. _Everything was my fault. _Guilt overshadowed every other feeling that could have risen in my body. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle."

He simply nodded his head.

Esme, our mother, for all intents and purposes, was standing on the sidelines of the battle, brushing an excess grass strain from her pencil skirt in an 'I refuse to be further involved' sort of manner. I sighed. She loved that skirt, and now it was ruined, because I had decided to go after my sister in haste. Esme had been the first to jump on me, and I hadn't wanted to hurt her, even though I knew I was more than capable. She looked exasperated as she ran a hand through her caramel hair, adding to my guilt with her words.

"I can't believe that you kids ruined my landscaping. Do you realize how long it took me to get everything centered? Now it's all thrown off…"

Both Jasper and Rosalie, from their positions behind Alice, rolled their eyes simultaneously.

And there we were. Five sibling vampires, at a complete stand still. Pairs of golden eyes darted around the perimeter of the yard as I lay under Emmett's hold. Silence fell on the scene.

The proceedings that had led us to our positions were very callow on my part. Of course, I had waited in the woods, accompanied by Tanya, until I was very certain that Bella Swan was on her way home. It had been a long and enduring few hours, waiting to make my move, listening to Tanya chatter about the activities of her family in Alaska innocently, all the while hearing her thoughts about how much she wanted to fuck me right then and there.

When Alice had made her reappearance in the driveway, ten minutes later, I had outrun the clutches of Tanya and darted to attack my sister. Fortunately for Alice, Esme had been coming out to pick flowers at the same exact time. The verbal commotion between Alice and I had been the siren that led the rest of the family to join us, and now, we were trapped, feet away from each other, screaming empty threats back and forth. Of course, with her fortune-cookie-esque ability, I would never really be able to take Alice by surprise. This was extremely maddening.

I didn't really want to murder my sister, even though I was infuriated by what she had done. All of the mental singing and teasing she had performed while Bella Swan was around_ was_ intended to keep me out of her head. She wanted to get back at me for hurting her, for breaking the rules, so she had hidden the fact that Tanya, my ex-girlfriend, of sorts, was going to be popping up, unexpectedly into my life yet again. The thought made me ill.

Tanya, of the Denali clan of vampires, hailed from Alaska and had played a huge role in my long life. She was the one vampire I could stand being around all the time, other than Alice. That is, until we had made love, which was when her thoughts had taken a wickedly perverse and obsessive direction toward me.

I didn't want to call Tanya a whore, because by nature, vampires were all very sexual beings. Everything about us, our looks, our voices, our grace, was designed with the purpose of attracting others. She had an instinctual desire, as did I, to physically fulfill our urges. Alas, I was able to…keep it in my pants…more often than she was, and it had eventually led to a falling out between the two of us. I never really feigned an interest in sex before Tanya. I was always too busy studying medical journals or reading about the Spanish Inquisition to actually acknowledge the need for sex. I let the women in my life pass me by; no matter how attractive they were, because I didn't have a genuine interest.

Needless to say, Tanya had been the only woman, human or vampire, who had caught my attention in the last 50 years. She was, admittedly, gorgeous, with the same golden eyes that the rest of my family possessed, and strawberry blonde hair that softly curled around her face. Her figure was lean and muscular, but curvy in all the right places. She had been the object of my lust for many years, until I allowed her to break my dead heart with her infidelities, and I fell once again defiant to any form of compassion towards anyone outside of my family.

But that was before Bella Swan, the human woman who had captured every degree of my being with her silent mind, her gorgeous face, and her irresistible blood, had made her existence known to me.

My father Carlisle had intended for Tanya to be my mate when we had moved to Alaska, roughly 20 years before this time. Although I liked Tanya, and thought she was beautiful, witty, and charming, I struggled with the fact that I could hear all of her insecurities, whether or not I wanted to. My ability to read people's minds was the main reason that intimacy had been so difficult for me, and although Tanya and I had satisfied each other for many years, I was happy to be done with her. I would rather be alone than be possessed, at least by her. And now, seeing Tanya again, for the first time in years, reawakened the monster inside that screamed to be satisfied, not by blood, but by physical ties. It was almost painful.

This incident could have been avoided, if Alice had simply told me. This was what made me hate her so. If Alice would have warned me, I would have been off in some hotel room, or miles away, maybe even on another continent, before I would have to grudgingly face Tanya again.

Carlisle's voice of reason came through the silence once more.

"Alice, do you see Edward attacking you in the next ten seconds?" he asked in a low whisper. Emmett's guard on me wavered, and I felt the slightest relief as his foot lifted up a fraction of an inch from its place on my neck.

"No, Carlisle, because I'm going to apologize to him," Alice muttered, forcing me to smile. So, I _would_ win in the end.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Emmett's discontent became clear as he released me, allowing me to sit up for the first time in two hours. I wiped dirt from the sleeve of my button-down shirt, and smiled triumphantly. "This is so lame. What's the fun in being a vampire if…ugh, can't you just hit him, Alice, just once? For me?" He ran his hands through his dark curly hair, a pained expression deliberate on his face.

Jasper laughed from behind Alice. "I'll hit him," he called, making threatening eyes, but shaking his head with sarcasm. So this was a big joke to everyone. How wonderful. I rolled my eyes.

Rosalie snickered. "Em, why the hell do you have to be such a big fat oaf all the time? Can't you just once be happy that things end peacefully?" her voice took on an irritating edge. Emmett cringed.

"I'm sorry babe, it's just…it's so boring around here! I need someone to fight!" he punched the empty air in front of his, his stance becoming energetic.

"Me, too," she remarked, "And…guess who it's gonna be!" she pointed a savage finger toward her husband, but still kept her leash of a grip on Alice. I scoffed.

"Oh, knock it off, let me go! I need to go speak with my brother." Alice's demeanor changed significantly as she slid her way out of Rosalie's grip quickly, ran to me, and plopped her tiny figure on the ground next to me.

"Like I said," Emmett sang, "Lame! An hour ago, they would have been at each others' throats, having fun. But no, can't let Ed and Alice have some fun, be vampires for a bit, no, no, no, wouldn't wanna be doing anything reckless or violent…that totally doesn't make sense…ugh. What am I, Ghandi or something? What if I'm not a peaceful person by nature? Control, my ass! This is so boring…" His rant continued as he made his way up the stairs and into the house after Carlisle and Esme. He was constantly trying to sell the point that we should be free to act aggressively toward one another to Carlisle, who, of course, refused to allow it. The whole point of our animal-based diet was so that we didn't have to be monsters, and be violent individuals. Emmett just loved to stir up trouble, regardless.

I rolled my eyes as my other siblings dispersed, leaving Alice and I alone once more. She bent her knees up to her chest and rocked back and forth, hugging them.

_Edward, I'm sorry_, she thought.

"It's alright. I just don't know what I'm going to do about Tanya. I wish I had had more time to prepare. This is the worst possible timing. How can I explain?" I struggled, trying to come to terms with the feelings that had to be verbalized, the real reason I was so angry about Tanya's appearance. "It's like this: all Tanya wants is me, and all I want…" I couldn't admit it to myself, let alone Alice, just yet.

_All you want is Bella_, she completed my sentence mentally. I nodded my head, thankful that she already knew. I was ashamed to admit that I had acquired such fascination with someone so quickly, but I couldn't help the fact. I had been attempting, throughout the week, to forget about Bella Swan. I wanted more than anything to ignore her presence, but her blood, her saccharine, incredible blood, which sang to me every second of every day, had taken complete control over me. My hands trembled as I fought the urge to run and find her this very instant. She would be mine, and I would make sure that we both got what we wanted. I only prayed that she wanted what I could offer her.

_You are not the monster that you believe yourself to be, Edward. Bella, as you already know, goes through very strange changes almost every single day. Her decisions change constantly, like she's more than just one person. But I'm willing to bet that she is after the same thing as you. Please don't worry yourself._

"Thank you, Alice," I smiled, putting an arm around her shoulders. It was hard to believe that my newfound humanity was forcing me to settle so easily.

_Rosalie and I are planning on taking Tanya to the strip club; so that maybe she can get her…urges…out without torturing you too much. I can't see how long she plans on staying, but I can tell you that she and Bella aren't going to get along,_ she laughed to herself.

Alice's mind suddenly flashed to the most venom-inducing picture I had ever seen. Tanya was rolling her hips against the silver pole on stage, eyeing me with seduction as I sat at a table, a few feet away. Bella, who was bartending on this specific evening, suddenly jumped up on the stage and ripped the red corset from her body, which revealed the flat planes of her stomach and ample breasts. She then began to crawl toward me, inch by inch. My mouth pooled at the sight of her newly exposed flesh. As she finally reached me, she placed her hot hand on the back of my neck.

"Edward," she whispered, running her tongue against my cheek, "let's get out of here." She stroked my face as I rose from my chair and led me to the VIP room as casually as possible. Through Alice's perspective, I witnessed Tanya's jealous expression, as her movement came to a halt and she watched Bella exit the room with me in tow.

I smirked as the vision came to a close.

"Bella is going to want you as much as you want her," Alice said, reassuring me. I wanted to believe it more than anything. "Oh, and by the way, brother…"

"Yes?" My mood couldn't have improved more in that moment. I had forgotten all about the cloud of Tanya raining on my parade.

"You're going to need to be aware of a package you're leaving at the club, for Bella. It's the only way that your little fantasy is going to become reality," she informed me.

"Wait…what am I going to get for her?" My thoughts hadn't extended that far yet. I thanked god for Alice.

"Shoes," Alice smiled, "Nice, comfortable, desperately-needed shoes. Don't forget, you didn't leave a tip for her on Saturday night, and that's very rude. You need to make up for it somehow," she winked, wagging her finger in my face.

I shook my head. I was normally a good tipper. "Well then, I guess I'm headed to the mall," I eyed her, "How convenient…"

"Oh, you know, really, it is. I saw the adorable red vinyl number that Jasper would..." she paused as I gave a queasy expression. "You know, never mind. I'll just get Tanya…to the club," she mumbled, jumping to her feet. My gaze fell on the house, which was now exploding with the sounds of Emmett and Rosalie's unashamed make-up sex, along with Esme's careful planning of which shrub should go where in the freshly disturbed flower beds.

I sighed, and then inhaled deeply. The inhalation brought an unbearably familiar edge of pain that screamed for me to acknowledge it.

Somewhere, not far enough away, Bella Swan was bleeding again.

I decided that I was going to have to do something about that ridiculous ritual of hers. What a waste of blood. I had to do something to let her know that I could help her.

If she was going to continue this habit, I would make her see why an _immortal_ razorblade had so much more potential than her inanimate weapon of choice.


	7. Chapter 7: I Knew I Should Have Worn Red

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 7: I Knew I Should Have Worn Red

(MULTIPLE POV)

BPOV

"That's right! Have another drink, you crazy bitch!"

My reflection in the mirror was screaming at me furiously, smoking a cigarette, still wearing scrubs, and drinking from a dirty wine glass. She wasn't drinking just any old red wine; she was drinking a bottle of Vintage Cabernet from one of the local vineyards. Of course. Charlie had purchased this wine the day after I was born, and had recently given it to me, saying that he had the intent of giving it to me on my 21st birthday. Naturally, he had forgotten to give it to me then, and I had decided I would save it for a special occasion.

And what an occasion this was.

As I threw the lid over the toilet seat and sat down, I continually stared into my own eyes, reflected in the mirror. There was the hint of something else there. Normally, my brown eyes were flat and ordinary, but right now, they were vivacious and intimidating. It scared me.

I could feel myself becoming something that I shouldn't. I had known that eventually, the routines and boundaries I had set for myself would begin to blend and I would become someone I hated. It was a risk that I signed on to face the moment I had become an exotic dancer. I already knew what would happen. I knew that it would make me more confident, less frustrated, and well-paid, but I also knew that it would come with dire consequences. I was beginning to realize where all of the incidents, like blackouts, hangovers, and sex with Mike Newton and the like…were coming from.

It was all Miss Bells' doing. Fuck.

At this moment, I was regretting ever taking on the role of stripper. Miss Bells wouldn't have existed if it weren't for me. If I hadn't embarked on this conquest to relieve myself of my guilt, I would never have been in this situation, caught between two different people. What would become of me then? If Miss Bells didn't exist, then the man I subconsciously ached so badly to see now would never have come into my life. This fact was mind-blowing, to say the least. Immediately, I felt a decision coming from my gut instinct. I could not resist the strength of this feeling.

I didn't want to accept it, but I was completely aware of the fact that I would go the club tonight. I would go, and I would bartend, or pole dance, or give lap dances for money. I would even give out extra mileage, if the mood saw fit, and I was given the chance to make the much-needed extra cash. Acceptance was becoming fluid in my veins. This newfound craving to see my 'stalker' again was becoming too much to bear.

I was a whore for money, but still, a whore, no less. I was Miss Bells. I was Bella. I was both of these people, and ultimately, they made me who I was as a whole. In one quick movement, I rose from my seat and glanced at the clock. It was 5 pm. Charlie would be home soon, and I would have to face him if I didn't leave now. I didn't want him to see me in my drunken stupor.

I didn't want him to see the failure I had become.

I didn't want him to see the void that my mother's death had left shining through every cell of my being. I missed her so much. Without her, I had become what I never wanted to. I shook my head, ridding myself of the inevitable guilt that always followed the thoughts of her, the thoughts of the car crash, the sirens, and the flashing lights of the ambulance. Making my way to my bedroom, I was finally settling down.

As I sat at my desk, my eye caught the inanimate object that always made my heart pound faster than normal.

The razor blade; the only thing that made any sense in this world.

I wasn't crying; I couldn't. Over the last few months, it seemed like my tear ducts had been permanently sewn shut. I actually missed crying. The only release I ever felt was when the blade let blood flow from me. And I_ so_ needed relief in this moment. My fingers raced to seize the blade, and my hands shook so horribly that it took all the strength in my body to actually make a clean cut across my wrist. With a sigh, I slammed my eyes shut and covered the blood with the sleeve of my lab coat before it made me sick again. I was drunk, tired, and most of all, going completely insane. But, due to the fresh cut on my skin, at least I knew that I was alive. I was alive. I was breathing. I was capable of feeling pain. I was going to make it. This wasn't a nightmare. This was life. This was what both Miss Bells and Bella wanted. It was the one thing we shared. A moment of clarity overtook me as I moved on with the impending doom of my free schedule. My blood flowed down my wrist, and for a moment, I thought of Edward. Even though it was crazy, I wanted to see the 'vampire' side of him again. Miss Bells' excitement got the best of me.

Roxy still needed me, and I was sure as hell going to make the most of my vacation away from boring old Bella and lame ass nursing school. Not to mention, I was going to get a package. I prayed that I would see the beautiful creature that was Edward again, whether or not he was a vampire.

BPOV (Miss Bells)

"Shoes?" I asked, confused, as I lit a cigarette.

Alice, or, Wonderland, as she was known at the strip club, sat next to me at the bar as I opened the strange package, and laughed her ass off after immediately viewing its contents.

After carefully walking to the club in my sweats, making sure to avoid any streets where a police cruiser could be found, I had arrived to find Roxy giving an orientation of sorts. Rosie, Wonderland, and another new girl, Tanali, were wandering around, trying to get to know the regular patrons and advertising their shows for the evening when I had walked in the door. Tanali was the girl that Roxy had described over the phone; very beautiful, just like Rosie and Wonderland. She shared their pale skin and topaz eyes. I felt compelled to ask if they were related, but decided that it really didn't matter. It wasn't a big deal, just another stripper at a strip club. I had seen hundreds of girls come and go in my time here.

I glared at the package, which was neatly wrapped in bright gold paper, adorned with a single red bow, as I opened it carefully. The note inside read:

_Miss Bells-. The color reminded me of you. Remember, be careful where you bleed. – Your favorite vampire._

My heart raced. Edward was the secret admirer.

Although, that wasn't much of a secret.

I turned to Alice , not really wanting to embarrass her brother, but being incapable of holding my thoughts internal.

"Your brother seems to enjoy this vampire act a lot," I chuckled, noting her weary expression. She probably didn't enjoy talking about her brother's sexual exploits very much; no one did, right? Alice's face turn more pale than usual, and she became more alert as someone in my peripheral vision made a dead stop behind us.

As Tanali's strawberry curls flew over her slender shoulders, her eyes shot directly at me. The new girl stood, hands on her hips, her eyes suddenly questioning me with an awkward intensity. It was as if I had called her name in an empty room, and my voice was continuing to echo, halting her continuity as she made her rounds in the club.

But I hadn't spoken a word to her. Why did she stop making her rounds because of my remark about Edward? More importantly, how was she able to hear it? I was a low speaker, and it was happy hour as we sat at the two stools in the center of the crowded table. It didn't make any sense.

I blinked as I noted Alice's change in mood. Her gaze shifted between Tanali's figure and mine, never meeting our eyes. Her hand fidgeted, playing with the back of her bob hair cut.

"Yeah," she mumbled nervously, "Well, there's a lot more to Edward than meets the eye, I guess you could say. He doesn't always…play by the rules, I guess." Her statement lacked the amount of enthusiasm I wanted, but still made me feel like the words she spoke were loaded.

"Oh, so that means I should just start bleeding right now," I laughed sarcastically, matter-of-factly. The comment seemed to make her even more restless.

"No! I mean, no, no, that's unnecessary." She glanced toward Tanali again, then cautiously leaned in closer to me, whispering. "He'll...Edward will come to you all by himself, no bait required." Her face stayed straight. I smiled. Her proclamation made me very happy. All I had been thinking about was his dashing smile and beautiful, golden, desire-filled eyes for the last two days, whether or not I wanted to. Tanali stood, her eyes wandering over my figure as if she had x-ray vision, seeming slightly taken by my conversation with Alice. She huffed heavily, and with one graceful motion, turned on her heel, her strawberry blonde hair flying behind her as she made a dash toward to the dressing room.

"What was that all about?" I asked Alice, unable to veil my curiosity. Alice cleared her throat unsteadily and replied, "That's Tanali…well, Tanya, really, but…I don't know. She has…history, kind of, you know, with Edward."

"Ahh," was all I could manage. My entire being felt like it would explode with envy. My brain was suddenly bombarding me with questions. How long ago had this said history taken place? Was it still going on? Was Edward not available? Then, I remembered the shoes, and instantly felt reassured of his interest in me.

As I stared at the red shoes, which were approximately 5¾ inches high (standard strip club protocol) with a hidden platform, I smiled wider. The shoes were bejeweled with tiny red rhinestones that sparkled with each movement in the light, and topped with a red silk bow in a Mary Jane style closure. They were dazzling. I placed the shoes on the floor, slipping into them with ease. They were extremely comfortable, with wide, air-filled soles. I stood up, and shifted my weight, pulling the sweat pants that I wore up over my knees in order to admire my new footwear.

"A perfect fit," I said, a little overwhelmed. It was almost like Edward had known that my feet were numb on the night that I met him. My mind wandered with ideas as to how he knew my shoe size, and why he was wasting any time purchasing gifts for strippers. Although I loved the stilettos that I had adorned the night that I met him, they were horribly uncomfortable and hard to walk in. Maybe this was a sign that he was going to become a regular customer. These new, red pumps were the ideal shoe; every stripper's dream shoe. The Bella within me snickered as I observed the shoes further. She thought this was a bad idea. He was stalking me. He knew everything about me, down to my shoe size.

Wasn't that…creepy? Shouldn't I be afraid, just a little?

I decided that maybe, if he didn't show up at the club tonight, I would call a cab to take me home safely. I didn't need to take any chances getting attacked by obsessive vampires when I had an entire week left to live out the life Miss Bells wanted.

Then again, Edward seemed like one of the safest people in the entire world.

Any other man would have taken me to his place, had his way with me, and thrown me out, or abandoned me to wake to an empty bed in the morning.

But not Edward.

He hadn't made a pursuit on me, sexually, but at the same time, he had admitted his obsession with me. I didn't know if I should take his warnings so seriously. Maybe Edward was a bit of a drama queen. As I got to know Alice more and more, I assumed that Edward was normally making something spectacular out of nothing. Maybe that was part of his charm.

Alice stood up from her seat at the bar, hands on her slender hips as she observed the pumps that made my feet look like they had just walked through a murder scene.

"Like Cinderella," she stated. "Bloody Cinderella." She smiled, shaking her head. "I'm impressed. Edward's not normally so spot-on with this sort of thing." I had the feeling that she was viciously lying to my face, but I didn't pursue the conversation further. I was feeling very inspired by Edward's gift, and my mind started pulling different outfits and accessories together as I walked with Alice towards the dressing room.

APOV

I could see it now, as if it were actually happening.

"Bella."

Edward's voice took on a darker tone as he stood outside of the bathroom stall, nearly clawing the prints of his fingers into the wooden door. He was making every effort to keep his humanity in tact as he planted himself in a wide stance and held his breath. I exhaled heavily, struggling to get the scent of Bella's fresh blood out of my head. From where I sat idly in the corner, the control I had was exceptional; I made a note to remember to tell Jasper that thinking about sex was the perfect distraction from human blood. I would even tell him about the scene I was playing in my head with him, if I made it through this. I sat, clenching my eyes closed for longer than I could stand to try anymore. I had to face the facts.

Edward was going to kill Bella, and the fault was entirely mine.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, Edward became even more perturbed, if it were possible.

"Bella, you need to understand that this door is merely an object that is going to be destroyed in the wake of all of this. You can't possibly feel safe in that stall, because, let me assure you, you are not safe at all. You are going to die if you continue to bleed like this." The words came pouring out of him in a brutal way. He looked like a crazy person, now facing the wooden panels of the bathroom stall, his eyes gazing into the hinge spaces, trying to steal any small view of Bella that he could. I refused to allow him to continue his act of intimidation.

"Edward, shut the hell up, please!" I spat, starting to really freak out. I instantly regretted my words as the icy planes of my brother's face took on both expressions of anguish and madness. This was something I had never seen him become before, and the look sent a chill down my spine. He looked like he was going to lose it very soon. I prayed to God that his statement to Bella wouldn't turn out to be the truth. Edward's decisions had been changing so rapidly. I couldn't see anything happening in the next few moments, but something in the back of my head told me that I should prepare for the worst. This was…the worst.

Bella's response didn't seem to acknowledge the truth of Edward's statement.

"You know, I think I may need to see a doctor," she mumbled, apathetically. I scoffed. Did she not understand the true nature of the situation? If I could just pull myself together enough to break the door down without killing her, I could use my venom to heal the offending wound on her arm. The idea jumped into my head instantly, but I refused to act on it until further notice. If I didn't act quickly, I knew that the torment and pain that Edward was feeling would surely get the best of him. I wanted to tell him to leave, that I would take care of Bella, but moving him would surely amount to moving mountains at this point. One small stroke with my venomous tongue, and this could all be over.

"Bella, seriously, I will help you. You just have to let me in," I whispered, so low that I was sure Edward's ears were the only ones that had heard it. His glare took on new meaning as he turned to me, experiencing a moment of sanity. He had obviously been reading my thoughts; there wasn't much I could do to keep them under control at the moment.

"You," he growled at me. "You are the only reason we are in this situation in the first place, and if you think for one second that you are going to taste her, I promise you, Alice…" He didn't need to complete his threat. His attention was disrupted by Bella's change in position. She was hiding in the bathroom stall, behind the locked door, standing on top of the toilet seat. It seemed rather odd that she did this, especially now that she knew the truth about us, but there she stood. Her feet must have been aching as they finally hit the ground. It was probably hard for a human to walk in 5 inch heels all night long, but even more difficult to balance on a toilet seat in them. The shoes made an audible thud as they hit the floor, and I could hear her toes gripping the toilet seat again as she repositioned herself into a ball on top. She kicked the shoes out of the stall slowly, struggling to keep her footing on the toilet. I sighed.

Damn shoes. If I hadn't suggested them, none of this would have happened. Bella wouldn't have been working at the club tonight. She would have been in bed, studying for her next exam, and Edward and I would be casually playing chess or arguing over something stupid. Why had Rose and I decided to become strippers in the first place? Why hadn't I contacted Tanya and told her that my brother wanted nothing to do with her? I regretted everything.

Edward's blackened eyes rested on the red shoes that lay idly on the floor. I cringed.

_You don't have to be a monster, Edward. Don't do it. Please don't fucking do it. Think of everything I've seen. Things will…get better…let's just make it through this first. Don't kill her, Edward. You will never forgive yourself._

He turned to me again, pain eerily crossing his features. I raised an eyebrow and made my best attempt at a confident expression. _You can do this._

A lilt in Bella's voice caught both of our attention.

"You know," she said, as if to herself, "If you guys are all telling me that you really are vampires, I think I'm going to need some more proof. I mean, really, if you think about it logically, any normal human girl could break down a door and come after me. The VIP room door isn't that strong. A glass table could be shattered by two normal human beings. I mean, really, anyone could do that. I don't really understand why you insist on standing out there and pretending you are going to kill me just because I'm bleeding. It seems rather inappropriate to be role-playing right now, Edward."

"Bella Swan, you are _insane_." Edward's words came in a low grunt, cutting her external dialogue off. She hesitated.  
"You're telling me," was her response.

"I want to kill you, really, Bella."

"I'm sure," Bella retorted, her voice a whisper. "You know, Edward, if you just want to _fuck_ me, you don't have to pretend to be a vampire." Her voice was becoming quieter. "Quite frankly, I'd fuck you, no matter _what_ you are," an audible smirk crept on her lips, "You're incredibly… sexy." Her voice became softer. She was weakening. She was losing too much blood. Soon, it would be too late. My brother's dark, perverse chuckle muted every other emotion that could be seen in his eyes at this moment.

"Well, Bella, I'm very flattered," he laughed, "but for once, I am, in fact, being truthful."

"Is that…how you know so much about me?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. I still don't believe you," her words slurred as she began to lose consciousness. Too much blood…

The alarm that spread across Edward's face was actually…heart-warming. For a moment, I saw in his eyes that he cared about her. He was worried about her. Maybe I was wrong about the future…

"I'll prove it, then."

I finally found the strength to bring myself to my feet, and as I did so, Edward's fist crushed through the wood of the bathroom stall's door.

Suddenly, I gasped in horror.

When the vision ended, I found myself sitting at a vanity, next to Bella's, inside of the dressing room. The pink lights around the mirror twinkled as Bella applied a blood shaded gloss to her lips. I sighed. I hated when visions ended so abruptly. It was like watching a really good TV show, when the episode ended with a cliff hanger. Only, this was real life. It was extremely frustrating. Even though the vision gave me a heads up about the future, I had no idea the events that led to the specific scene that had revealed itself in my head. I was puzzled. I played with the strap of my bra and closed my eyes, trying to relax myself. Rosalie's touch startled me as she crept up quietly behind my chair.

"What!?" I hissed.

"Shh…Alice, I hate to say this, but I really think you've created a monster." Her gaze flickered to Tanya, who was at the opposite end of the dressing room, posing in front of a full-length mirror. The metallic, aquamarine club dress she wore strangled her figure and left little to the imagination. I thought about how I would school her in the ways of a classy stripper later, after I burned the obnoxious thigh-high vinyl boots she wore with her outfit. She had an indescribable smugness on her face, and was continually running her hands through her curly locks. I sighed.

"How is that _my_ fault? I have much better taste, and quite frankly, I'm insulted that you think I would choose an outfit like that," I remarked, quite irritated by the fact that Rosalie was so quick to blame me for Tanya's flaws in fashion sense

"No," she whispered under her breath, leaning closer. "I'm not talking about her clothes. I'm saying that y_ou_ are the reason she's over there, mumbling to herself about how she's going to win Edward back. You told Edward to get the shoes, right?" I nodded, but assumed that Edward would have made the purchase regardless. After all, I only saw the future after people made decisions. Whether or not those decisions were always conscious ones, I was unsure of. Rosalie tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder and took on the demeanor of a bitchy school girl.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that was a totally bad decision on his part, because there's about to be hell to pay. Tanya's so pissed right now. Those shoes have opened up a bag of shit with the most potential I've seen in decades. Maybe Emmett will get his fight, after all. Edward's out of control."

She didn't even know the half of it. Then, what she revealed shocked me, a difficult thing to accomplish.

"They had_ sex, _you know. Before we left this morning," she whispered, low enough that I didn't worry about Bella hearing from where she sat, less than 5 feet away.

"What?! No!"

"Yes! Apparently, she caught up with him before he went to go buy those shoes, and before we all left for the club. I don't know what happened exactly, but I just know Emmett and Jasper were laughing because they could see them going at it in the woods, from the living room window. He had sex with her, and then they got in a big fight about his attitude, or something, and that was when you and I were walking out of the front door, looking for her. That was the reason she was so pissed on the ride over here."

Why? Why would he have sex with her, after he had just gotten done telling me how much he despised Tanya, and how much he wanted Bella? It didn't make any sense. I shook my head, unable to make myself believe Rosalie's words. _Vampire sex._ We were probably the only creatures on earth that could have sex so quickly and sneakily that our agendas for the day wouldn't be severely affected by the act. I shook my head again in disgust.

"He's so confused, Rose. He doesn't know what he's doing anymore." I claimed, trying to make her stop enjoying herself. She snickered.

"Yeah, you're not kidding. I just can't believe he was about to kill you over Tanya's appearance, and then, ten seconds into a conversation with her, he decides he wants her again. He's moodier than a teenage girl. It's quite…amusing, actually. He's normally such a buzz kill with all that self-control he's constantly proving he has. I guess we all have our own flaws." Her eyes darted back to Tanya, who noticed our stares and waved to us in the mirror. We both waved back and faked smiles.

"Yep," I gritted my teeth, "This should be interesting." I couldn't hide the anxiety in my voice. I had no idea what was going to happen tonight, because I had no idea what the hell my brother was thinking. I had a terrible feeling about all of this. My eyes fell on Bella, who was now clad in a simple, red satin slip with ruffles at the hem, complete with garter clips that held up her black, thigh-hugging tights. Edward's gift on her feet sparkled in the light, like a vampire's skin. He was such a sneaky bastard. Edward was playing both sides of the field, and I didn't want to accept it. My brother needed more help than I had thought. I was bitter. Bella meant a lot to me already. She was going to be my best friend, and my feelings for her would not change. I would protect her from getting hurt by my idiot brother in all capacities, physically or emotionally. I sighed, regretting all my actions from the past 24 hours.

Damn you, Tanya. Damn you, red shoes. Damn you, Edward Cullen.

EPOV

"Well, hey there, stud, where you off to?" Emmett stood in the doorway of the bathroom, grinning as he watched me fidget with my blazer.

"Fuck off," I mumbled, smoothing the wool of my collar with my finger tips.

"Hey, take it easy there, psycho, I'm just asking. What's your deal? It's not every day I hafta put a foot to your throat. You okay, man?" he asked, leaning against the door frame casually. His normally mocking tone was laced with sincerity. I eyed him and sighed.

"I…I'm a bit out of control, actually," I admitted. Anger blazed behind my understatement.

"Well, duh, any moron could see that one. Doesn't take a brain surgeon to-"

"Just shut up, Emmett. I'm going to the strip club to see Bella." I tried to change the subject, annoyed.

"Bella? But…I thought you and Tanya…"

"We did. Not that it matters," I said, trying to sound as non-suicidal as possible. Emmett's grip met my shoulder with such force it could crush a brick wall.

"Dude, are you kidding? Of course it matters! She's crazy! Why would you-"

"I needed a release. I…" I couldn't verbalize what I was thinking. Having sex with Tanya had been an awful mistake. No, the word 'awful' didn't begin to cover what a mistake it had been. She was the only unbreakable female that could satisfy all of the urges that had been pent up inside of me in the past week. I felt guilty for taking advantage of her convenience. Then again, I also felt insatiable and completely disgusted with myself. Like Tanya could ever measure up to to the human girl with the irresistible blood which called to me day and night. Like she could possibly gratify me like Bella obviously could, in more ways than sexual, if I didn't have this damned self-control. I shuddered at the thought of comparing the two of them.

"Hey man, even if you're horny…I'd rather whack it for days than fuck that bag of crazy, you know?"

I shook my head. "Always so eloquent, Emmett," I spat.

"I'm just saying, especially if you're all into this human chick. Why would you have sex with Tanya if you're all focused on this Bella girl? I mean, really man, when are you gonna just go after her? I know we all need to have control, and Carlisle would kill me for saying this, but really," he whispered, "What's one human death? We've all had moments of weakness. We've all been killers at one point or another. This could be your freebie. It'll be a relief for you to have her blood, instead of it being out in the open, in control of you all the time."

Was he actually trying to convince me to kill Bella Swan? That it would be easier this way? I stepped away from the mirror and looked into his eyes. He obviously hadn't been hunting in a few days, judging from the darkness in them.

"Emmett, that is just wrong. We may be vampires, but we are not monsters. I can't believe you're actually suggesting that I kill this girl. Besides, even if I wanted to, I can't, I…"

Emmett's laugh echoed throughout the bathroom.

"What," he chuckled, "You're in love with her or something?" His laughter continued as I became more uncomfortable. He picked up on it immediately, and stepped back, looking at me.

"Wait…are you…"

I nodded, reluctantly. I would never hear the end of this. If there was one person I could count on to torture me relentlessly over my feelings, it was Emmett.

"You're in love with a human?!"

"Emmett, shut up! I don't need the whole world hearing you," I hissed at him, peeking out the door and down the stairs. Carlisle and Esme were out in the yard, attempting to replant flowers. Everyone else, including Jasper, was out at the club. We were alone. I sighed in relief.

"You can't say anything. To anyone. Even Rose. This isn't something I want to admit to myself, but I'm afraid I just can't resist anything about her. Her blood is the most attractive quality to me, but I mean, if you just saw her, her face, her eyes..." I chuckled now, to myself, "The funniest part is I've only known her for 3 days."

"Edward mother fucking Cullen," my brother shook his head evenly, "You are one sick, twisted piece of shit, you know that?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, this is gonna be fun. I like this. Whatever man, let's bring her into the family, if you like her so much. Just turn her. Do it tonight. Then, by the time she's done with the transformation, her newborn strength will make Tanya run for the hills. It'll be awesome. Nothing like a girl on girl fight…" Emmett's mind began to race with thoughts of women mud wrestling and making out and…

"Em, knock it off!"

"I'm sorry, I just got a little excited there, bro. Can't help that you had to see it too. That's so annoying."

"You're telling me," I smiled. My brother seemed to be okay with my new found obsession with this human girl. It seemed wrong, but I wanted it to feel right in so many ways. I wanted to kill her, but at the same time, I wanted to hold her close and tell her that I could be that man she so desperately needed to tell her everything would be right with the world. Outside she was a vixen, a fiery goddess with a perfect body and phenomenal sex appeal. Inside, she was a damaged, heartbroken girl with so little will to live that she was continually injuring herself on purpose for relief. My dead heart ached. This was such a strange feeling. I wasn't used to change. I didn't want to change Bella, because part of her lure was the fact that her blood liked to play games with me. If I had to kill her, it would be detrimental to my own well-being.

_I didn't want her to die._

I was finally becoming more aware of my feelings as I headed toward my room to retrieve my keys. Emmett stood a few feet away, observing me suspiciously.

"So you're actually gonna go to that club and watch her dance, and you're not gonna kill her, because you're in love with her? You're just gonna sit there quietly, calmly, while she removes clothing, and gives lap dances to other guys, _and you're not going to try to kill her, or anyone else_? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this whole conversation?" he asked, crossing his huge arms around his chest. I nodded. He picked up his jacket from the banister, and shrugged into it quickly.

"Well, I sure as hell wouldn't miss this shit for the world. Should be quite entertaining. By the way, how was…the sex? You know, with Tanya?"

I laughed. How did I not expect him to ask about sex? It was one of his biggest interests, after all.

"Well, really, I won't be worrying about Tanya calling me her boyfriend," I remarked, laughing again. "I called her Bella's name, right there in the middle of it all. It was quite stupid of me, I just couldn't help but fantasize a little. I needed a distraction. Her thoughts are so…"

"Dirty?"

"Yes, 'dirty' could be slightly correct."

"So…what'd she do?" Emmett had obviously picked up one of Rosalie's habits over the years; he was quite the admirable gossip these days.

"Well, she…left."

"She left?"

"Yes, she left me there. It was awful. Hence, I'm not very thrilled with the entire situation."

Emmett started laughing as we got into the Volvo.

"Well, fuck me. You didn't even get to finish what you started. That's just hilarious, I'm sorry."

"I know, Emmett, I know. But I'm actually more concerned about Bella's safety than my own sexual gratification, or Tanya being eternally pissed at me."

"Why would Bella be in any sort of danger?"

My brother was an absolute moron sometimes.

"Because, idiot, don't you understand? I called Tanya _Bella_. Tanya is going to meet _Bella _tonight at the club."

I could almost hear the click inside of his skull as he processed the information.

"Ohhhh. Right. I get it. And also, Tanya's bat-shit crazy. She's gonna realize it, and…Oh, damn, you really know how to do yourself in good, Edward." He laughed.

"Yeah, thanks for that."

As I drove down the narrow roads of Forks, I couldn't help but wonder if Bella had found the gift I had left for her.

"So, why exactly are you going to torture yourself tonight, again?" Emmett didn't seem in favor of the idea of going to the club tonight. He may have been right.

"Shoes," I stated blankly.

"Shoes? What the hell? You're gonna hafta elaborate, bro."

"Shoes, dumbass, I bought Bella a pair of shoes. I'd just like to see my gift put to good use…" My thoughts turned devilish with visions of Bella slinking her body up and down the pole on the stage, all with the purpose of getting my attention. Her feet sparkled like my skin in the sunlight. She was breath-taking.

_You…are sick, seriously. Like, stalker sick. You know that, right? _Emmett's deep 'voice' chimed into my thoughts. My foot crushed the car's gas pedal to the floor. I was growing impatient.

"I'm in love, what can I say?"


	8. Chapter 8: You Should Have Killed Me

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 8: You Should Have Killed Me When You Had the Chance

(MULTIPLE POVs)

BPOV (Miss Bells)

"Yeah, that's it baby, just like that," his voice was a low grunt as I made my way from the stage, over to his table in every attempt to retrieve the $50 bill he always saved for the special girl of the night.

Mike Newton was such a waste of life. Spending $50 a night minimum at a strip club couldn't be good for one's budget, but what did I care? I wanted that money. Just three more tuition payments, and maybe I could stop doing private shows and just bartend. Maybe I could actually start dating men again. Maybe I would feel safe walking down the street at night if I wasn't a stripper anymore. I needed that $50, and the sad part was: I was willing to do just about anything to get it. I had nothing to lose.

Nothing's too excessive when you have nothing left.

As I slinked my body over the chair, still standing, I flipped my hair over my shoulder seductively and made doe eyes at Mike. He sat, leaning forward, licking his lips in anticipation. I smirked. I had him right in the palm of my hand. $50 only meant so much in strip club terms. It meant having at least enough money to pay the stage fee that was required to advertise yourself. All the good money was in the private dances and mileage that you put in behind closed doors, in the VIP rooms. I knew Mike Newton didn't have enough money to pay for a private show, at least at my rates, but I knew he was willing to pay what he had to get some attention from me. The desperate fool. I chuckled to myself.

"Bells, you look so hot tonight," he smirked in attempt to mirror my fake expression of lust. I smiled.

"Well, you know, all the well-paying men in this joint; I've gotta make them happy," I replied, eyeing the money that sat on the table. I leaned forward and placed a hand on his tan, scruffy face.

"You're not looking to bad yourself this evening, Mr. Newton." My fingers grazed his blonde locks. With an audible gulp, he slid the money toward me.

"Just trying to repay the favor from the weekend," he grinned, reminding me of the insane act I had committed by sleeping with him. I rolled my eyes in a subtle gesture as my hand made its way toward the $50 bill.

Then, a cold, gentle touch from behind startled me. The hand crept its way around the curve of my hips, and rested there for a too-short second in time. I sighed as the scent of leather and cologne filled my nostrils. Then, the voice that did unspeakable things to me came.

"Miss Bells."

Edward Cullen.

My heart raced. A jolt of lightning surged its way through me as I turned to meet his golden eyes, already in a daze. Time stopped as he allowed his hand to graze my cheek quickly, but meaningfully, and played with a lock of my hair. He smiled, and I thought for sure I would die right there, in front of God and everyone. I tried to smile back, though my face felt like it had been contorted in several directions. Every emotion he made me feel, I didn't know which to express first. His voice came in a whisper, soft and velvet, and his delicious breath fell on my face as he looked down to me.

"My compliments on the shoes…who knew they'd go so well with this little number," his hand fell to my hips once more, and played with the ruffled fabric of the blood-red slip that clung to my body. As he admired my figure, I blushed furiously. I nodded, attempting to compose myself, speechless.

"Thank you," I whispered back slowly. My arms were fighting every urge to play with his tussled bronze hair, which looked so elegantly disheveled; I imagined he'd spent hours in front of the mirror, concocting the look.

"There's time for that, later," he chuckled and touched the tip of my nose lightly, lovingly?

"Okay," I breathed.

"Later, then," his full lips twisted into a crooked smile as he inhaled deeply and turned away. He lithely reached a seat at a table with two other men, presumably his brothers, and then craned his neck to send a wicked smirk in Mike's general direction. My eyes remained glued on him as he exchanged glances with the muscular man sitting next to him.

My body longed for his touch again. My legs quivered as I turned back to take a seat next to Mike, trying to distract myself from Edward's presence.

Mike Newton was angered by the interruption that Edward's entrance had caused, as well as the newfound flush in my cheeks. That was most definitely a fact. As I eyed him, attempting to resume my trickery in order to get the $50 I so desperately wanted, he scoffed.

"What's the matter, babe, is that guy being a bother? Want me to set him straight?" His voice took on an interesting new tone, one which I equated to a male peacock ruffling his feathers for attention. Mike Newton's feathers would never liken to Edward Cullen's. Ever. I shook my head and smiled, a lock of my brunette ponytail trailing its way down the side of my face as I redirected my attention to him, and off of Edward.

"It's nothing, really. He just…got me a gift, and I owe him something in return," I explained, "He's probably here to receive his thank you." Mike Newton huffed at my comment. I had revealed a bit too much.

"So, what, you have a thing for this guy?" he asked, jealousy and beer thick on his breath. I smiled and rose from my seat, pulled the ribbon from my ponytail. My hair cascaded down from my shoulders and I shook it out with more drama than was necessary. I lifted my foot to the seat of the chair and pointed to the shoes that Edward had purchased for me.

"I think these are an indication that _he_ has a thing for _me_, in fact. And Mike, really, I'm a stripper. Do you really think that I'm allowed to have a thing for _any_ guy?"

"Well, you had a thing for me, this weekend…" he whispered, checking his surroundings to make sure that Jessica was nowhere to be seen. His on-again, off-again relationship with her was fair at best, mainly because they both slept around so frequently, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilt for the time we had shared. I laughed.

"You thought that was some sort of _thing _I had for you? Ha, let's just say you're lucky that I was so trashed," I replied, having no real recollection of the events of that night. I blamed it on the split-personality theory that had been running through my mind recently. Maybe I needed a psychiatrist. I was obviously in no position to be assessing my own mental well-being, especially if I thought that I was not responsible for all of my actions. Constantly accusing myself of being someone else? Way too much for my own knowledge of psychiatric nursing to make a clear diagnosis.

"You're joking," he eyed my incredulously, "You loved every second of it."

"No, I'm not. Quite frankly, I'm glad that I can't remember it all, because what I do remember was that terrible. I should probably be fired for going home with you. Not to mention, Jessica would be…" His expression turned hostile as he cut me off.

"Okay, okay! Shut up, Bella, seriously. I don't need Jessica hearing about that. Go, go ahead and go whore it up and play with some other douche bag guy. I don't need you for a good time," his fingers quickly retrieved the $50 bill as he waved his other hand in the air at me. His expression would have frightened me, had I not been surrounded by several security guards. And Edward was here. I sighed, rolling my eyes. Fuck the money. Something about Edward being in close vicinity made me feel comfortable enough to express my true feelings about Mike.

"Fine! Maybe I will. It is my _job_, after all, and you're just a pig, anyway. Consider that night the best of your life, 'cause it will not happen again, I promise you," I spat at him, causing many patrons to send glances in our direction.

I blushed furiously as Mike threw me a sideways glance and straightened up in his seat, pretending to be the bigger person.

He obviously didn't want to cause a scene.

_Just walk away, Bella._

And I did.

As I headed toward the bar, past the table where Edward and his brothers had planted themselves, I reassessed my situation. Mike Newton shouldn't bother me. I refused to let him. I was on top of the world tonight, the head honcho.

I watched as six golden eyes followed my ass intently and smiled. As I walked past the table, I was sure to turn quickly, gracefully, and make eye contact with Edward, winking as I blew him a kiss in the cutest, most theatrical way possible. He beamed back at me, and his big, muscular brother's chin dropped to the floor as I turned on the tips of my toes and headed to my place behind the bar, feeling extremely cocky.

Maybe this was going to be a good night. Plenty of hot men were in the club, and I was tonight's designated 'Floater.' Normally, men did the job I was doing tonight, making sure everything went according to plan, that the club's rules were followed, that the drinks kept flowing, and the guests were happy. But tonight, Roxy had put me in charge as a floor manager. I sighed as I played with the ruffles of my slip, which barely grazed my ass. I was proud of my club wear tonight; it was appropriate, and rang of authority, but was sexy and playful at the same time. As I stood behind the bar, I caught Edward's eyes gazing in my direction once more. I waved playfully to him and turned, bending at my hips to make sure that just enough of my g-string was exposed as I began to inventory the bar.

Tonight would be a good night. I laughed to myself as I caught Edward's stare, which was cut off by the bright neon lights of the stage flashing as Tanali's dance began.

I loved that I was the only girl getting his attention.

I couldn't believe it as his attention turned to the stage when the DJ's voice boomed over the loud speakers and the crowd began to cheer.

"And now, for your viewing pleasure, the pole styling's of Tanali, gentlemen! Let's welcome her to the stage!"

I rolled my eyes, hoping that the 3 minute song would end quickly. Jealousy dared to disrupt my confident demeanor as Tanali gracefully threw her body against the pole and made bedroom eyes in Edward's direction. A beast, suddenly present inside of me, roared. I didn't care about their so-called history. _She_ was history. She was a new stripper, and I was the seasoned veteran. Just because I wasn't dancing tonight didn't mean that she could steal my newly acquired regular, Edward Cullen. It pissed me off as she inched her way toward him at the end of the stage, and he casually slipped a ten dollar bill into her g-string, his hand lingering on her ass just a second too long for my liking. I turned away. I couldn't watch. The thought of Edward touching anyone else made me literally sick at this point. As a Floater, it was probably my duty to stop him from touching one of the girls, but as Miss Bells, the stripper he had purchased shoes for and had a 'morbid infatuation' with, I wanted to go to that stage and rip the eyes from Tanya's sockets. She had some nerve showing up here and acting like she owned the place, when he had made it so clear he was intending to receive _my _services tonight. I wanted to march up to the stage and show her who was boss around here. It seemed irrational, but something about her made me feel extremely threatened. I wasn't used to it.

"Well, would you look at that?" Jessica's sleazy voice came from her place behind me at the bar, "He must've given her something very…special…" she mumbled. My eyes drifted back towards them, and I was greeted by the vision of Tanya in Edward's lap, grinding her hips into his…something that was not allowed during a public dance. As strippers, it wasn't protocol to single out one man during your show. You were to choose a patron after you advertised yourself, not during your advertisement show. My blood boiled as Edward's eyelids became heavy and his jaw dropped as Tanali's lips grazed his collar bone. The other customers gasped in horror as I stood, fuming behind the counter of the bar. Jessica grasped my shoulder.

"You had better think of something, quick, Bells. Pretty soon all the guys are gonna be expecting _that _during all of shows…"

She was right, but I couldn't move just yet. If I did, I would surely wring the girl's neck in front of everyone.

I couldn't believe this irrational possession I felt over Edward. I felt like he belonged to me, already.

He was _my_ target, _my _obsession, _my_ stalker…_my _'vampire.'

_And he had the potential to be so much more._

My fingers gripped the side of the bar in restraint.

This was not happening. She was not going to take Edward from me.

Edward was _mine_.

EPOV

"You like that, you little human-stalking vampire, you?"

Her voice came in a low whisper that I was sure only I could hear.

Shit.

I couldn't help being aroused by her hips, which were slowly grinding their way into mine, and would surely force me to bend the metal frame of the chair beyond recognition if this didn't end soon.

"Tanya, you aren't allowed…" I grunted, trying with less than enough will to get her off of me.

Her lips traced my collar bone as I heard another button rip from my shirt. I sighed. I really liked this shirt.

The metallic aquamarine color of her dress clashed with the neon lights that hung from the ceiling as I let my head fall back in defeat.

She had me right where she wanted me.

I couldn't do anything.

Fuck, that feels so good.

_Dude, Bella...looks so…pissed right now. _Emmett's thoughts distracted me from my current project.

Then, I remembered. Bella.

The sight of her, staring in my direction, obviously disapprovingly, granted me all the will needed to forget about Tanya's slender figure, and her warm tongue sliding up my collar bone. I swiftly grabbed her jaw, fighting her strength with my own, and spoke slowly, holding her face inches away from mine. I smiled at her startled expression.

"What are you..." She was breathless.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but you're going to have to find another fuck toy. At least for the time being," I smirked, and found the will to push Tanya's half-naked body off of mine and straighten up in my chair.

The relief that accompanied her absence was indescribable. Her figure flew about a foot, and she stood too still for moment, batting her eyelashes at me. Her glare reached Bella, who was standing behind the bar, watching my every action with caution. She didn't seem very pleased. I couldn't tell if it was because Tanya had decided to break the rules during her very first shift at the club, or if it was because I was the person she had decided to go rogue on. A twinge of jealousy was clear on Bella's gorgeous, make-up shielded face as she stood, gripping the top of the bar like she would fall from the face of the earth if she let go. I looked to her quickly.

"Sorry," I mouthed, and her expression wavered into something between sadness and relief. Tanya's 'voice' broke my concentration on Bella.

_It's because of her, isn't it? That little human slut. What does she have that I don't? _Her thoughts were actually making cohesive sense for once, having nothing to do with how badly she wanted me or how horny she was. Maybe this situation would mature her. She stood, pouted, and stared at me, as if I could mentally communicate in both directions. I sat, and looked at her for a long moment. All of the beauty that had made me love her long ago somehow curdled in this instant. There was one absolute truth.

She was a monster. I was a monster. A match made in hell.

I hated myself for being a monster.

But how could I love someone who was so much like me in every way, if I absolutely hated myself? I had tried. I had failed miserably. The few moments, the few touches, the incomprehensibly amazing kisses I had shared with the human girl I had been obsessing over, led me to the conclusion that I was absolutely ruined, and I would never be capable of this kind of love, especially with someone who was like me. Especially not Tanya.

I was cold, Tanya was cold.

I had skin like stone, so did she.

But, Bella. Bella was soft, warm, and fragile.

Who wouldn't want something like that?

I had striven my whole life to find someone who was everything I am not. Not a monster, not a demon, not a vampire. As forbidden as it was, Bella was everything that I wasn't, and I loved her for that.

I simply shrugged at Tanya, and she immediately marched off into the back of the stage, her mind reeling with feelings, defeated by my apathy.

Bella remained still, a few feet away, her tiny fingers etching their way into the wood of the bar's table, still holding back in restraint. She relaxed a bit as my eyes met hers again.

Suddenly, Alice's vision from earlier seemed a bit off. Alice had foreseen Bella interrupting Tanya's stage act, but Bella hadn't moved an inch. It worried me. Alice's visions were never off, unless something changed drastically. What if Bella didn't care about Tanya being all over me? What if something worse was about to happen? I had to find my sister quickly. My eyes searched the neon-lit adult playground and roamed the various faces in the crowd. I couldn't find Alice anywhere. I was suddenly distracted by the thoughts running through Emmett's head.

"Holy. Shit. Bro. _That's_ Bella, right?"

Emmett's eyes couldn't have gotten any wider.

Shit.

"Yes," I answered cautiously, waiting for his reply. Jasper laughed at some self-contained joke. I thanked god for my ability to read minds.

"Dude, now I see what you're talking about."

I rolled my eyes and elbowed Jasper sharply in the ribs.

"If you value your life, you'll stop making him feel that way about my Bella, Jazz," I muttered. He ran a hand through his light hair and chuckled again.

"I'm sorry, it's just so much fun," he replied, more calm than usual. "I'm still pissed over your sorry attempt to kill Alice earlier…you should never do that again. Maybe this teaches you a lesson or two." Jasper's ability to control people's moods came in handy from time to time, but right now, he was using it simply to fuck with my sanity. He stopped his chuckling and made a double take. "Wait…_your_ Bella?"

"Hey! That's not fucking fair! I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't know. You can't blame me for…"

"Just relax, and enjoy the show, gentlemen." I leaned back in my chair, still feeling a little on edge. I had to find Alice before it was too late. "By the way, thanks for all your help with Tanya, I appreciate it tremendously. You guys both suck," I noted, attempting to lighten the mood.

"It seemed like you were having a good time," Jasper remarked, chuckling to himself.

"Right. And you had nothing to do with that?"

"Well, maybe a little…" A sign reading 'guilty' might as well have been hanging on his forehead.

"Jasper, you bastard…"

***

APOV

"One hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred?!?!?!" Rosalie's shrieks of happiness could be heard throughout the dressing room.

It had been a long night. I wasn't in the mood to talk about money.

"Alice! I made $400! I'm gonna be able to buy that dress I wanted without dipping into Emmett's funds. Oh, I'm so excited!" She smiled, tossing her long platinum tresses behind her back and fanning herself with her collection of ones and fives. I pursed my lips and nodded, attempting a smile.

"That's great, Rose."

She had never been very perceptive, so I couldn't blame Rosalie for not noticing my agitation. I had to go see Edward. There was something off about tonight, but I couldn't see anything right now. At least, not as far as the future went. The sight that ravaged my eyes right now was a very angry Tanya, who sat, combing her fingers heatedly through her hair, muttering to herself about Edward, Bella, and the murder spree she was about to go on if she didn't get her way.

Sometimes, I thought that perhaps Tanya had made her transformation into a vampire when she had PMS during her human life. Since our bodies never changed, she acted as though she had perpetual premenstrual syndrome for all of eternity. It explained a lot, at least, in my head.

"Tanya," I whispered, distracting her for a moment.

"What?!" she shouted, a bit rudely. I pouted at her.

"Just calm down. Everything will work out," I promised her, not actually stating that things would turn in her favor. She glared at me.

"Don't act so innocent, Alice. You know, you're the reason that he's so infatuated with her in the first place. And you're the reason why she's going to be dead soon. You should probably go kiss this Bella good bye, because it's the last time you'll see her alive. I'm going to kill her. Be sure of that. Why don't you try seeing the future now," Tanya suggested, her bitterness palpable in the air. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

The future presented itself now in a rather odd fashion; the same vision popped up into my head again. Bella in the bathroom stall, Edward trying not to kill her, except now it skipped to a scene of Bella running, scared, out of the bathroom stall. She turned to Edward and made her feelings very clear.

"Stay the fuck away from me, you freak." Her voice was cold as stone as she made her exit, and I watched as Edward's eyes seemed to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Worse than death, worse than blood…was Edward's feeling of rejection in this moment.

He stood before me and sobbed tearlessly, completely vulnerable in this moment.

Then, the vision ended, Tanya's plotting and wicked laughter breaking my concentration.

I had to stop this from happening.

BPOV

After Edward had pushed Tanya off of him in a rather rude fashion, my night began to run very smoothly. I made rounds, making sure customers were happy, refilling drinks, always making sure the DJ was okay, doing things that were pretty manager-esque, rather than stripper-esque. I felt rather comfortable. This was a job I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. If only we all could be immortal and stay the same, year after year. If I could keep my looks and figure for the rest of my life, I could definitely see myself remaining a stripper until the end of time. This night had gone on so well after the incident with Tanya and Edward had happened, that I was finally building up the courage to invite Edward to a VIP room for a little thank you gesture I had been preparing mentally all night long. I decided to go approach him, as he sat with his brothers, smiling and laughing.

Of course, that was until Alice rushed out of the dressing room, toward me, yelling at me to run for my life.

I laughed initially, because I was fairly certain she was messing with me. She stopped dead in her tracks, so graceful in her stripper heels, and looked me in the eye, her eyes shining with gold, just like her brother's. I sighed for a moment.

"What's wrong Wonderland?" I asked, confused. She looked genuinely frightened.

"Bells, if you don't get out of here now, there's going to be a problem…"

"What sort of problem?" I asked, confused. Nothing had gone so terribly wrong in this place that I had considered it a problem.

"Don't ask me how I know, but," she sighed and shook her head, as if she didn't want to really tell me. "Your father is coming into the club with some friends. He'll be here in 2 minutes. You have to get out of here."

"Are you serious right now, or are you just fucking with me?"

"No, I'm dead serious, leave. Now. I'll tell Roxy for you myself." Alice's pixie cut was flying all around her face, making her words more dramatic than necessary.

Then, Tanya was flying out of the dressing room door like a bat out of hell.

Something in my brain clicked immediately.

It wasn't my father who was coming for me, it was Tanya. Her eyes were black and fierce as she ran, faster than any human being I had seen, toward me. I waited for her hands to make their way around my throat.

As she lunged for me, I felt two strong arms whisk me off my feet, clap under my legs, and cradle me, running at the speed of light through the dressing room doors, past Alice and Tanya, past the exit doors, out to the alley way.

Once the initial dizziness passed, I caught my breath and opened my eyes.

Edward stood, no breath filling his lungs from the running, but simply staring at me, a sorrowful expression on his face as he held me close to his chest, still cradling me in his arms. The sudden silence of our surroundings was deafening, but the roar of thunder from the late summer's storm startled me as I gathered my thoughts.

"Umm…what the fuck was that?" I asked, struggling to get him to put me down. The rain was pouring down, forcing the watered silk of my slip to stick to his body like glue. His arms were like steel as I tried again to remove myself from his grasp. Then, his voice, slow and steady, came with intensity through the sound of the storm.

"Do you trust me, Bella?" Lightning flashed, framing the silhouette of his messy hair, causing the gold of his eyes to sparkle.

"Uhhh…sure."

"Yes, or no, Bella." His eyes burned. I felt my heart pick up its pace as I gazed up at him.

"Yes," I whispered, "What's the problem?"

"I would tell you, but you'll just laugh at me, because it's obviously hilarious." Sarcasm coated his words, and his eyes continually shifted toward the exit doors.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked. Obviously, something was bothering him. "And why was Tanya coming after me?"

"That's…a long story."

"Yeah, well, you know what else is a long story? You forgetting to tell me that you obviously have a girlfriend."

His face couldn't have been anymore disgusted.

"Tanya is _not_ my girlfriend. Neither is anyone else, for that matter. And she was trying to attack you, because she's jealous."

"Of what, exactly?" I asked incredulously as I attempted to warm up in his arms. It was an impossible task.

"The fact that I…" His dialogue ended as he looked towards the exit door.

"We have to get out of here."

And then, he sped down the street, but not fast enough for me to miss the sight of Tanya throwing herself through the door, followed by Alice jumping on top of her with more height, speed and grace than a normal human would possess.

Something was definitely wrong with these people. I was sure they were superheroes. As I glanced over Edward's shoulder, feeling like a child in his arms while he ran, I closed my eyes. Nausea started to ensue as the rain hit me like shards of glass in the face.

I felt bile rising in my throat. I had never been one to have motion sickness, but I began looking for a target to aim at as Edward continued to run further down the street.

"Are you okay?" Edward's eyes looked down on me, and I felt him slow in his pace down the road. I moved my arm further up his chest in an attempt to at least vomit over his shoulder as he slowed further.

Suddenly, I felt the sharpest pain I had ever felt in my entire life, searing into my collar bone, and a blood-curdling scream rose from within me, piercing my eardrums. My eyes shut as the smell of blood filled my nostrils, and Edward came to a dead stop on the sidewalk, throwing my equilibrium into a tailspin.

The offending metal of the street sign, which had sliced deeply into the flesh between my neck and shoulder as Edward had run past it carelessly, shook in the breeze, less than a foot away.

"Edward…" I breathed, applying pressure to the wound with my opposite hand. "I…I have…a laceration…" The medical side of me panicked. With the amount of blood that was flowing, I knew I only had minutes until my body went into shock and I was unconscious. I didn't know if Edward knew what to do if that happened.

The blackness threatened to take me as he set me on the ground gently, his eyes blackening yet again. His eyes stared unwaveringly at my fresh wound, and I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. He looked…ravenous.

As the blood flowed, I looked up at him.

"It's too deep. I need to go to the hospital…"

"No. Fuck the hospital," his voice broke, low, in a breathless manner as he kneeled down to me, eyeing my collar bone like he was a starved man laying eyes on food for the first time in centuries.

Fear rose from within me, and I suddenly realized that what I thought was role-playing was actually real.

He _was_ a vampire. And I was going to be the meal for the starving man inside of him.


	9. Chapter 9: Give It Up To Me

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 9: Give It Up To Me

EPOV

Sometimes, I think God is laughing at me.

I think he does this shit on purpose, just to force me to suffer further than I already have. Apparently, I am his play thing, with which he feels he can do whatever he wants in order to entertain himself. I could live with the fact.

What I could not live with, however, was the fact that Bella Swan was less than a foot away from me, with her hot, fresh blood pouring from her veins and being washed away with the rain. What a waste. I worried that I would cause a scene, as the urge to lick the concrete beneath her rose within me, desiring to salvage every last drop I could. This was a tragedy, if I had ever seen one.

The pain that was being inflicted on me in this very moment was unlike anything I had felt before. The fire in my throat rose as the venom in my mouth fueled the flames. Her blood sang to me, taunting me, as she writhed in agony over the laceration that had so mockingly appeared right between her collar bone and neck.

Along with this pain caused by the fire of her blood, was an unmistakable feeling of self-loathing, beating me over the head once more. The incessant rapping continued as I fell to my knees, praying to whatever God would listen, for the strength to save her rather than injure her further in pursuit of the most glorious taste ever known to me.

I held my breath.

"Edward?! Edward, are you listening to me? I need help! Now!" Her voice, stricken with panic, helped to ease the temptation of her blood. It reminded me of what I stood for.

I was not a monster. I was just a sick man, who would give anything to have his soul back.

Ten seconds passed.

Twenty.

Thirty.

I knelt in adoration of the river flowing before me. My throat ached and my teeth remained clenched, coated in a thick blanket of venom that began to pour uncontrollably.

Forty seconds.

I gulped the venom down my throat, adding to the burn.

Fifty.

Isabella Swan's body began to shiver as she took a deep breath and her eyes screamed with the energy that she no longer possessed.

One entire minute had passed. If I could make it this long, I could make it another minute.

Right?

"What do you mean, 'Fuck the hospital'? We're going! We have to! Take me to a hospital, right now!" She was frantic.

"I…I can't do that, Bella. But I can help you," I said, my voice sounding more rational than I planned for it to sound. Apparently, the vampire within me craved to startle her further. I let my gaze run over her figure.

It was dark. The grey concrete the lay beneath her was soaked with the down pour that made this so much harder than it should have been. Her hand, which she vigorously applied pressure to her wound with, was soaked in a mixture of sweat, blood, and rain. And her body may have been the most torturous of all. Not only did the silk slip she wore cling to her body, but it outlined ever muscle, every toned plane of her abdomen, every bone of her rib cage and hips, and the taut nipples of her breasts which called to me, louder than her blood in this second. The combination was paralyzing.

I shook my head. Another two minutes had passed, and I had said nothing. I hadn't killed her, and I had made a conscious decision that I would not. Suddenly, her voice surprised me as it came through another roar of thunder. Her pain was audible this time.

"You…you really are…" Bella look up to me, and her big brown eyes, circled with a thick layer of streaky eyeliner, widened in horror as they met mine.

"Yes, Bella. Say it."

"You really are…a vampire?"

It was more of a question than a statement, but at least it was acceptance. I stared at her for a long moment, doing nothing.

"Are you scared, Bella?" I asked, now officially toying with her. I was the cat, and she was my mouse. It was time to face facts. She lay on the sidewalk, nearly motionless, still holding pressure to her injury, and whispered her response.

"A little."

"Are you afraid that I'm going to kill you?" I couldn't breathe, but I was able to speak if I focused. Bella's heartbeat was picking up pace as I spoke. It was the only clear sign that she was nowhere near death. Her blood was attempting to coagulate under her fingers, but the scent continued to drive the frenzy within me.

"No. No, that's not it. I'm afraid that I'm going to die, because you can fix this, and you aren't doing anything at all." She was three steps ahead of me. She wasn't afraid that she would die because of me, but because of the wound that was continuously draining her blood.

Bella Swan was insane, and her next statement was simply confirmation.

"Edward, what the fuck is wrong with you? If you _are_ a fucking _vampire,_ you're not doing a very good job. You have to either save me, or kill me. Right now. _Please_. Just do it. I want you to. You have my permission. Ahh!" she winced in pain as she finally admitted, in front of God and everyone, that she had been an idiot for laughing at me that night in my bed room. She believed the truth.

Closure was sweet. I was suddenly feeling rather incorrigible; daring. I actually felt the right side of my face tighten into a smirk as I whispered, remembering the scars on her wrists from the self-inflicted wounds.

"I thought you enjoyed feeling pain, Isabella," I teased, aware that it was inappropriate, but unable to resist. Her heartbeat quickened again.

"What?!" the shock in her face became panic as she realized what I was speaking of.

"You knew…you…what the fuck?! This isn't the time or place, Edward! Help me! Please? I'll do anything."

"Anything? You'll do…anything? Is that right, Bella?"

"Anything," she wept, tears filling her eyes.

I had gone too far. But she was willing to allow me anything I desired in the moment, and I felt victorious. Rather than stand still and boast, I knelt to her level and extended my hand to her. She eyed it incredulously and began to hyperventilate. Her breath in the rain drove me further down the path of destruction. I wet my lips in preparation.

"Give me your hand, Bella."

"What? Why? I'm going to die. You're going to kill me, aren't you?"

"Silence," I muttered, growing impatient, "Your hand."

Confusion spread itself across her features as she removed her hand from the injury, allowing the blood's scent to slap me in the face, and extended it to meet mine.

I allowed myself ten seconds.

After they passed, so did a fraction of my self control.

Too forcefully, I pulled her arm further towards me, startling her. She clenched her teeth and shut her eyes, wincing as my fingers laced themselves with hers.

Her small, fragile, warm hand was coated in blood, a centimeter away from my lips.

That was when Bella Swan began to pray for her life.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is…"

She continued to recite the Catholic prayer for another round before I rolled my eyes.

"Do you mind?" I asked, my eyelashes fluttering, mockingly toward her. She scoffed in horror. How sarcasm had the worst tendency to show up at all the wrong times, I will never know.

"Excuse me?" she stuttered, "You're about to kill me, and you're telling me not to pray?"

"Oh, would you cease with all the drama, really Bella, I'm not going to kill you. Relax. I'm having a moment here, if you don't mind."

"You're going to save me, then? How?"

I was becoming agitated with all of her questions. Here I was, trying to enjoy the delicious taste that awaited me, and she was interrupting me.

"If you'll shut up for five seconds, I'll show you. Do not move, Isabella. Your life depends on it. Do you understand me?" My voice became surprisingly commanding, almost frightening.

She nodded in agreement, and slammed her lips shut. I closed my eyes and focused on her hand in mine, covered in her glorious blood. Slowly, carefully, gently, I lifted one finger from her hand toward my mouth, breathed in deeply, and let the flames lick their way down my throat.

My own personal Hell was before me. I would get through this. I would prove to myself and to Bella that I was better than any vampire could be. I was her knight in shining armor, and she needed me to live.

It felt like hours had passed, but it had only been a few minutes that Bella had been before me, her blood exposed. I opened my eyes and stared at the black polish of her index finger nail, which she was also watching like a hawk.

"What are you…"

"I said, silence, Bella. This will only take a second."

I knew if I didn't do it now, it'd be too late. I had to taste her. I had to. Her blood called to me, taunting me in every way possible, declaring my weakness, my monstrosity, all of my flaws, in every cell. I had to do something, but I could not kill her.

In a sudden moment of courage, I directed her finger to meet my tongue, and with it, the world stopped.

The air seemed fresher.

The thunder of the storm grew louder.

The lighting that shattered a nearby tree grew brighter.

My feelings for her, in this moment, grew deeper. And so did my deathly lust for her.

I felt my arousal growing against the denim of my jeans as I sucked delicately on Bella Swan's finger, feeling like every cell in my body would explode instantaneously.

It was only after I heard her moan that I realized I had allowed a fraction of my teeth to sink themselves into the skin of her finger. She pulled against my strength, as if it made a difference, and flinched in pain. Her finger, and her whole body, for the matter, stayed in the same place I held it. My eyes fell on her face.

"Ahh!"

In that moment, I realized, I was not a monster.

Because I stopped.

BPOV

Even in this moment, I had no idea how turned on I could be in my life.

I was scared to death. My blood was flowing all around me, blending in with the red of my slip, and soaked in with the rain on the sidewalk. I felt my pulse beating in the wound on my neck, and I felt the pain in my finger as Edward's teeth sunk into my flesh. I clenched my teeth in response and shouted as his tongue danced on the wound he had inflicted upon me, suddenly making it feel overwhelmingly better. I sighed.

"I thought…you weren't going to kill me."

"I won't. But Bella, you are simply irresistible. I can't tell you how long I've waited for this." His eyes took on a new, bizarre shade of orange, as he mumbled between slurped at my fingers and hand. His cool tongue felt amazing on my skin, and I struggled to keep my thoughts clean, just in case he would kill me.

If he would kill me like this, I would die a thousand times.

"You…you taste incredible, Bella. I want so much more, but I…"

"You what? You can't kill me? Why not?" I wondered aloud, not really expecting a legitimate answer. He sucked at my palm, closed his eyes in reverence, and then opened his eyes to me.

"You already know the reason, Bella. Don't toy with me."

"Why not? You're toying with me. I'm going to lose enough blood to be dead in a few minutes. You have to fix me. Do what you did to my hand….here," I extended my neck, feeling the hot blood seeping out of me, and the feeling of dizziness lulling me into unconsciousness as I made an effort to move closer to him. My head spun.

"Do it, Edward. Enjoy it. Save me," I heard my voice mutter as my eyelids fell, suddenly becoming heavy. Edward's strong arms came around my waist.

"If you insist, Bella, but you must know, if things don't turn in our favor, I love you."

"What?" I asked, stunned. Did that really just come out of his mouth? He loved me?

"I love you."

"Shut the fuck up." I refused to believe it. It was probably something he said to every human before he killed them. My heart fluttered in my chest, screaming that it was true, that I should believe that because he loved me, he would not kill me.

He laughed, whole-heartedly, before surprising me as his icy lips met mine. I closed my eyes and my body argued with the instinct of survival. My breath picked up as I urged him closer to me, wrapping my arm around his body despite the pain in my neck. I felt my hips thrusting toward him, as I tasted him again. He tasted different. Maybe it was the rain. Maybe it was my blood on his lips. I wasn't sure, but the change was for the better, and made me crave for the kiss to last longer. He broke away after another second.

"I can't believe this is happening," I mumbled, breathless. He nodded in agreement.

"Hold still, Bella." I held my breath as he tilted his chin to the left and followed the trail of blood up my body. His tongue played over my left breast sopping up the remaining blood there before creating his own trail of coolness up to the offending source. One swift graze of his tongue, and the pain subsided. The horrible stench of my blood was gone. A feeling of calm washed over me as I raised my hand to touch the would-be wound and found nothing.

"It's…gone," I whispered, astonished.

"Yes. Vampire venom heals most human injuries."

"Do doctors know about this?" Edward laughed at my question, seeming my light-hearted than I had ever seen him. His voice rang of cheerfulness; as if he was very satisfied that he hadn't murdered me.

"I hope not. Humans don't believe in vampires, remember? We're just role-playing characters and sexual fantasies," he mocked me, and I deserved it, having laughed at him before this incident had forced him to provide me with proof.

"Oh. I see. Edward... I…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For saving my life."

"It's nothing," he responded, his beautiful smile haunting me as I was struck with a realization.

I didn't need to cut myself anymore. His teeth could do that part for me.

The blood I hated smelling was the most appealing thing in the world to him.

The venom that coated his teeth could heal me so that I wouldn't die.

He was strong, fast, powerful, sexy, and beautiful; the list went on.

_He did amazing things with his tongue._

And I was what he desired most.

Everything I had been looking for was inside of Edward. I only hoped that what he wanted was inside of me.

"Bella…your slip…"

"I know, it's filthy," I noted, observing my figure and all the red fabric that hugged my body, drenched in rain, sweat, and blood.

"No. May I have it?" He asked. The lighting struck again as he helped me to my feet.

"The blood?" I asked, knowing it was the reason he wanted it.

"I…umm. I guess so, yes," he seemed a bit ashamed of himself. I smiled for a moment.

"If that isn't flattery, I don't know what is. You want my dirty laundry," I laughed to myself for a moment.

"Hm. Well, you know."

Edward was becoming awkward, and it startled me. Even when I thought he was about to kill me he was charming and fluent. I decided that I should inform him of my realization.

"You know, we could have it all."

"I know," he said, as if reading my mind.

"What do you mean by that, exactly?"

"You first," he insisted, turning to face me, letting his hand graze my cheek gently. I felt my face lean into his touch. I craved it so. I looked into his eyes.

"You have everything I want," I said circumspectly. He scoffed.

"I'm a monster."

"Well, maybe, but…we could help each other. You realize that I…"

"You're self-destructive, and I'm a tool that you can use."

"And you're a vampire. And I have…good blood." Edward's smile rose up his face again as I looked up at him.

"You have the most delicious blood I've tasted in 100 years…and I'm so happy I didn't kill you." My heart melted under his gaze as his square jaw line shifted again.

"Yeah, I'm happy about that too…you know, this is all very unrealistic," I muttered, stating the obvious.

"So we can be of some use to each other, then, is that what you're saying?" Edward asked, moving the conversation along, was if I was distracted.

"Give it up to me," I smirked, "I'm all yours."


	10. Chapter 10: Okay, I Believe You

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 10: Okay, I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't.

(MULTIPLE POVs)

APOV

"Stay away from me, Alice. You know this can only end one of two ways. Either you kill me, or I kill you. There are no other options."

Tanya's golden eyes blackened deeper with the very utterance of the possible outcomes of this situation. As I held her by the throat, her hair blending in with the asphalt below her, I weighed my options.

Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett would be here soon. Edward would take Bella away from this horrible place, and then come back and help me. Tanya couldn't defeat all of us. I was small, but strong, and quick. It was a possibility that neither one of us had to die. Tanya's struggles grew fiercer as she dug her nails into my flesh. I could feel the burning pain begin as my skin cracked under the pressure.

"Look, Tanya, neither one of us has to die. No one has to die. You just have to realize that what you're feeling now is jealousy; Jealousy over Bella and everything she means to Edward. It will be okay. There are plenty of other men out there. You don't need Edward in order to live. He doesn't complete you!" I shouted as Rosalie finally came through the back door, joined by Emmett and Jasper.

"Uhm, Alice…"

"What you need to understand here, Tanya, is that we all love you, even Edward, all in our own way. You mean the world to us. You are family. Carlisle created our coven so that we could all live somewhat peacefully. I know it's in our nature to seek and destroy, but…"

"Alice!" Jasper's voice came sharp and clean, sounding somewhat agitated from behind me.

"What?!?" I shouted and turned to look at him as I knelt before Tanya with my hands around her throat.

"She understands. No one is dying here tonight. Too many regrets. Just look at her," he reassured me, Emmett and Rosalie standing a few feet away, poised casually, as if this was nothing out of the ordinary.

Jasper's ability to read and change people's moods and emotions was obviously taking affect. I sighed as I felt the calm wash over my own head. I looked back to Tanya, whose glare gradually reversed, and released her.

Vampires couldn't cry, and I thanked God for that blessing. I hated to see anyone cry, letting down their most vulnerable defenses, but as the rain from the late summer's storm beat down, the image of a tear-streaked face was placed before me. Tanya curled into a ball and wept on the pavement, her hair hanging limp and damp around her bare shoulders, as she mumbled brokenly.

"You don't understand, Alice. He's everything. He is everything. I mean, it's in our nature to be sexually curious. I didn't ever mean to hurt him. And when I did…well, it's the biggest regret I've had to face for the last 50 years. Can you even imagine? We were soul mates. And I went and threw it all away on some vampire that I never saw again. I'm a monster. I know why he wants her, he just doesn't get that it's impossible to have her. Oh God," she wept tearlessly, rain streaming down her face further as she revealed her darkest of demons. The change in mood, honestly, surprised me. One minute, she was a raving lunatic, ready to kill off Bella Swan. The next, she was a weeping vampire with nothing left to look forward to in her long, immortal life. I couldn't handle it. I wondered if Carlisle had any information about bipolar disorder in vampires. I was certain Tanya couldn't be the only case. Even in such a case as hers, with Jasper controlling her emotions, she would never have been this genuine. Something was off. An alarm sounded in my head, wishing that Edward were here to tell me what she was really thinking. I just had to wait. Tanya couldn't be trusted, and this feeling in my chest was reassurance of the fact.

"Tanya…let's just…go home," Rosalie insisted, helping Tanya up from her position.

"We'll go hunt and get all this nonsense straightened out. You can stay in the guest room, and we will figure this out. Just stay calm," Emmett insisted as he shrugged his shoulders. He obviously wasn't too thrilled by the idea of Tanya staying with us.

I watched Tanya carefully as the smallest hint of a smirk crawled its way up her face. What did that mean? I needed to find Edward. I prayed that he hadn't murdered Bella already. Though he had more self-control than all of us combined, Edward was still a vampire, and Bella, along with her potent blood, made his life nearly impossible to live.

The rain continued to pour as we piled ourselves into Emmett's Jeep and sped toward our home, all a bit shaken and unsettled.

EPOV

Cigarette smoke escaped through the inch of space between window and doorframe that Bella Swan had allowed her truck to have as we sat idly inside. No words had been spoken for over ten minutes, and if it weren't for her incessant chain smoking, I would have assumed she was asleep or dead. I watched as she carefully inhaled and exhaled, the smoke escaping her lungs every chance they got. Her brown curls lay flat on her head and shoulders and the make up around her eyes was smudged in such a way that made her appear to be wearing a mask. Her hand, the hand that I had sunk my teeth into nearly an hour ago, was shaking profusely as she took the cigarette away from her lips. Finally, the silence broke.

"So, this is awkward," she allowed, forcing me to chuckle humorlessly.

"Yes," I agreed, forcing a hand through the damp tresses that clung to my forehead. I sat and tapped my toes to some strange song that played on the radio as the singer screamed with enthusiasm and dedication.

"What band is this?" I asked, hoping this was an appropriate ice breaker.

"Greeley Estates," she answered. "The song is called 'Blue Morning'. It sort of reminds me of myself."

I listened to the song again as the singer screamed, '_I'm not a monster, I'm just a sick man, who would do anything to get his soul back_.' And then, I broke into hysterical laughter.

"What's so funny?" she asked, throwing her cigarette butt out of the window and turning to face me, seeming offended.

"The fact that what the singer is screaming right now is the internal mantra I play over and over again every single day in my head," I answered back, recalling the thoughts I had racing through my head as I had sipped at the glorious blood from her hand earlier.

She looked at me then; really looked at me. She shifted her body toward me, hitching her right leg up onto the seat between us. I could smell her sex from where I sat now. I wondered why she was so…enthused. The scent overwhelmed me as I strived to keep my breathing to minimum, and my mind on things other than taking her right here and now. But she was looking at me as if I were a specimen under a microscope; something she had to study in school. She had seen a lot of me, this girl, but she had never really observed me in this way before. Leaning forward, closer now, she rested her hands on her thigh and stared into my eyes, taking them in for what seemed like the first time.

"What's wrong?" I questioned, feeling slightly uneasy. I shifted my weight in my seat.

"Your eyes," she mumbled, barely moving her lips.

"What about them?"

"It's probably nothing," she mused. "But, before, they were gold, and now, they're sort of…I don't know, orange? Your eyes are orange. I've never seen orange eyes before. They're…" her eyes dropped and she played with a strand of her hair, and a furious blush filled the skin on her cheeks. Venom pooled into my mouth once more.

"They're what?" I urged her.

"Your eyes are beautiful," she whispered quietly.

"Beautiful," I shook my head, looking at myself in the rear view mirror that hung between us. Sure enough, from drinking her blood, only the slightest bit, an orange hue had begun to infiltrate the color in my eyes. Surely a combination of human and animal blood was what did this. I only prayed that the red would leave my eyes by the time I returned home. There would be hell to pay if I drank from a human. My siblings, Esme, even Carlisle couldn't know of this. "They're the eyes of a monster, Bella."

"Do you honestly believe that? You're a monster? Monsters aren't normally so gorgeous and charming," she continued to hurl compliments into the wind as she spoke, her eyes shifting between my eyes and her body.

"What I just did to you, Bella, it's something I'm ashamed of. You deserve much better than being preyed upon by a murderer."

"You shouldn't speak like you know me, Edward, You don't know what I deserve," she stated quickly, so used to people who judged her based on rumors or self accusations. I shook my head again, disagreeing.

"You don't know everything that I know, Bella."

"I'm listening," she folded her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, looking rather…cute for a brief second. Like a child. She was a child, after all.

"Okay then," I sighed. "You were born here in Forks. You grew up with a relatively happy childhood, and then began to think of yourself as a murderer when your mother was killed in a car accident because you were driving. Then, you branched off in two separate directions. A part of you became a stripper, a bar tender, enjoyed the thrill of feeling pain at your own expense and became dependent on sex and cutting as a coping mechanism. The other part of you, what I like to call the 'self-preserving' part of you, studied non-stop and decided to become a nurse in order to please your father. That's the part that takes care of the every day, ordinary things. And people can say what they want, but you don't really care, because you know that no matter what they say, they're generally correct, one way or the other, because you are two separate individuals in one body."

Then, she yawned, as if I were boring her.

"Everyone knows all of that, Edward. Haven't you heard the rumors? Of course you have."

"Okay…your favorite color is blue. You don't like wearing your white scrubs because they get dirty too easily. You sleep on the far left side of your bed, even though there's enough room for you to sleep in the middle. You have trouble eating bacon because it reminds you too much of the fetal pig you dissected in anatomy class last semester, and…for the last several nights, you haven't been able to get me off your mind."

And I had her. Stunned as she was, she was able to speak.

"How exactly do you know all of this?"

"I can read minds, Bella."

"So, tell me what I'm thinking right this very second."

"I can't."

"Come on, just do it."

"No, I mean I literally can't. I can read every mind I come into contact with, apart from yours," I admitted shamefully. It irritated me so. Bella Swan shook her head in confusion.

"So, what's wrong with me?"

"Well, a lot of things," I laughed, "But nothing as far as my ability to read your mind. I assume that since you're a nursing student, you are capable of having thoughts."

"Yeah…"

That was when I realized that Bella Swan's casual reaction to my vampirism wasn't going to repeat itself.

"Edward," she breathed, sounding too frightened for my liking.

"Yes?" I beckoned, breathing in the scent of fear, now stronger than her perfume or blood in this moment.

"…If you can't read my mind, then…how exactly do you know all these things about me?"

"I've been watching you, Bella. Sometimes, I follow you. Sometimes, I sit outside of your window on the ledge and watch you sleep. Other times, I just read someone else's thoughts as you're interacting with them."

Honesty was the best policy, I decided with a disheveled grin. She continued her questioning; the only difference now was that she was hyperventilating.

"Wait like…who's thoughts? Like…Alice? And Roxy? And Mike?"

"Yes."

"Well….what….am I…doing…with them….when you're….reading….their…their minds?" Her breathing became shallower, and she began to clutch her chest in an effort to calm herself.

"Calm down, Bella. Sometimes eating, sometimes just talking. Sometimes…fucking," I admitted to reading Mike Newton's thoughts before I had actually met Bella, during their one night stand.

"Oh my God! I didn't even know you when I was sleeping with Mike! How long has this been going on? You're stalking me. Oh my God, you are stalking me. Really, truly stalking me," she shouted, pushing her damp bangs out of her eyes and placing her hand over her forehead, trying to get the information that I fed her straight.

"I told you, Bella. I have a morbid fascination with you. I thought it was implied that I was doing all of these things. Didn't you assume? Didn't you know?"

She shook her head back and forth, fighting off tears as I struggled to keep this game under wraps. I could feel the control leaving my body as I slid further towards her in the truck's bench seat. In one quick instant, faster than her eyes could read, I leaned in, wrapping a steel grip around her hips and pulled her to me. She could never be close enough. I wanted every part of her. I wanted us to be one.

"Didn't you like it, Bella?" I moaned into her ear, softly.

Bella gasped in shock, her body slow to respond to my movement. As her hips pinned themselves to my body like a magnet, I felt my excitement growing. I assume she did, as well, as she moaned into my shoulder in such a way that made it difficult to maintain my composure. Finally, she lifted her chin.

"What…what are you going to do to me?" she whispered, her breath flowing into my mouth in a delicious tease as her nose grazed mine. We were so close, I could barely stand it. Her eyes locked dead on mine.

"I'm simply going to remind you, Bella. I'm going to remind you that I am all you've ever wanted. What Mike Newton, what no man can be. I may not be human, but I am a man. A better man than all of them."

"You think I don't know that? It's just that I'm a little…"

"I know, Bella. It's natural to be frightened of me. I am a vampire. But I am just going to prove to you that I am better than what any man has ever promised you."

With my emotions getting the best of me, I quickly pulled her into a kiss. The kiss ignited the dead fire within me, all of her tastes and scents and warmth filling me to my brim. I had to leave her now, or I would surely kill her.

After releasing her, I watched her face take on a steady flow of several different emotions as she caught her breath.

"You…you're…incredible, even though I don't want to admit it. If I'm being honest, quite frankly, you scare the shit out of me, Edward."

I chuckled darkly again, raising a hand to rest on her warm cheek.

"This isn't funny. I'm serious."

"But you love it, Bella. And if you ask me, _that's_ what's wrong with you."

"Shut up."

I placed a finger to her lips, and held her jaw gently with my other fingers.

"Ah, Bella, you should never tell a vampire what to do."

"What if I told you to fuck me, right here and now?" Her voice trembled beneath my touch.

To my surprise, Bella Swan attentively looked into my eyes, mesmerizing me, as her tongue protruded from her mouth and glided over the finger I had place on her lips. I shuddered at the sensation of the hot, wet…

"I have to go," I panicked, pulling my hand away from her mouth, startling her further.

"Okay," was her response? I was almost upset by it.

As she turned the key in the ignition, a look of disappointment washing over her beautiful face, I opened the door and exited the truck slowly, at human pace. I breathed in the cool, late summer's air, glad to have a different scent in my dizzied head.

"Don't you dare forget, Bella," I warned, shutting the door.

"Uh huh, yeah. You're a vampire, you saved my life, you're obsessed with me, you stalk me, but you don't wanna fuck me. I think I got all the key ideas," she remarked bitterly, brushing her hair from her shoulders.

"I guess I'll see you around, Edward."

"Oh, Bella, so quick to judge. That's very hypocritical of you. You don't know me at all."

"Or what you're capable of. But don't worry. I'll survive. Thanks again for the life saving. Although, I'm rather disappointed that I'll have to be satisfying myself in another way tonight, if you catch my drift."

"I'm so sorry to disappoint you, my dear Bella, but there is a good reason. Perhaps you should study vampire physiology, and how it doesn't go along well with the human kind," I suggested, feeling a bit smug, yet more level headed than ever. _More horny than ever. She wanted me._

I wanted Bella Swan more than anything, and here she was, offering herself to me. I was an idiot. A vampire, and an idiot.

"Okay then, yeah. Bye," she chuckled without humor, and then pressed her foot to the gas.

Once the truck was a safe distance away, I began running back to the sidewalk where Bella Swan's blood had been spilt.

I can't say how long I spent, tongue lapping at the rain washed sidewalk, craving just one more morsel of her blood.

This was going to be an unbearably long night.


	11. Chapter 11: Dirtier than You Want

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 11: Dirtier Than You Want To Know

BPOV

I had decided that, after tonight, I had a long list of things wrong with my life, all of which were in desperate need of reevaluation.

For starters, I had gone to the strip club and worked on school night.

Secondly, and really, more prominent in my mind at this point, was the fact that a crazy vampire had not only saved my life by sealing a wound with what he called 'venom,' but also, had given me the gift of idealistic stripper shoes and proved that he was stalking me like a villain in a James Patterson novel.

I really needed to start over.

Maybe I could move.

That wouldn't work, because he would probably follow me, intercept my credit card bill in the mail, or kill Charlie to find out where I had gone.

Or…he could read anyone's mind.

I had to lie down. My head was spinning, my heart rate was high, and I was pretty certain that if I didn't get some sleep soon, I would collapse from shock.

Charlie slept quietly on the couch in the living room. As I opened the front door, tip-toeing my way to the stairs, the soft murmur of a baseball game filled the air. On any other night, I would gently shake him awake and send him to bed, but tonight, I flew up the stairs faster than the speed of light.

Once upstairs, my mind began to explore, on its own, the possible options I had left.

There were none to be explored.

I was stuck in a house in Forks, Washington, with a vampire stalker, an alter ego, and an unfinished nursing school exam. I was unsure what to take care of first as I caught a glimpse of myself in the floor length mirror. Rather than my true self, Miss Bells stood before me, looking all scandalous and horny, a smug expression on her face. I shook my head and glared back at her, and she mimicked my actions.

"You disgust me," I whispered to myself, folding my arms across my chest. The figure in the mirror laughed, as did I. Miss Bells, even though she had been through hell and back, looked admittedly attractive, still wrapped in the destroyed red slip and stockings that she had worn to work. As uncomfortable as I felt about my own body, Miss Bells made me feel good about myself. It was as if all of the positive reinforcement from other people like Mike or Edward had gone straight to her head, which was separate from my own. Here we stood, staring into each others' eyes, searching for the missing pieces we could acquire from one another.

"You want Edward," Miss Bells said accusingly, her eyebrow cocked.

"No, _you_ want Edward," I corrected her.

"I _am_ you," I heard my own voice speak back to me, in the form of Miss Bells. "And _we_ want Edward," she smiled to herself, and visions of Edward's cool tongue licking its way up my clavicle made me suddenly dizzy. I was starting to feel like I was a character in a movie. Nothing was going the way it normally should. When I looked in the mirror at the end of every night, I was Bella. Bella Swan, the perfect nursing student, the girl who was going to be okay, even when everything wasn't okay. But tonight, Miss Bells toyed with me from her newfound place in the framed world of my mirror.

"You aren't me. You aren't real. You're just some side effect of psychiatric trauma or something," I explained to myself.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Bella, we are one, and you know it," she whispered to me, flipping her long, wet, curled up hair over her shoulder.

"See this?" She pointed gently to the skin on her extended neck in the mirror, which was now decorated with what she felt was a badge of honor. I gasped in horror as I took in the sight.

Not only was there a gigantic hickey on my neck, but it was framed by a crescent shaped scar, which sparkled under the light of my bedroom.

A literal Vampire bite. On my neck. For the world to see.

Miss Bells laughed and clapped her hands excitedly. I found my own hands clapping as well, even though I didn't share the same sentiment. She was, after all, a part of me.

"You're crazy. This isn't good. How the hell am I going to hide this tomorrow at the hospital?"

Miss Bells' eyes stared back at me in confusion.

"We're not going to the hospital tomorrow, silly. We have an extended vacation from the professor, remember?"

"I'm not skipping classes again. If I miss a clinical day, I'll be so far behind. We just have to put this behind us and pretend like nothing happened."

"Oh, but something did happen, Bella. The man of our dreams whisked us away, and told us he loved us, and then proved to us just how obsessed he is. I'd put my money on the fact that he's probably outside, hanging out in a tree right now, watching us. Doesn't that turn you on in the slightest?" she moaned, and I found myself tracing the curve of my own breast as she said this.

I sighed and shook my head in an attempt to clear it of the dirty thoughts that began to infiltrate.

"No. In fact, it scares the ever loving shit out of me, and if he is out there, I'm going to call the police. In fact, I'll go wake up the police chief, because he's right downstairs. Charlie will be out there with a gun in no time."

"But our Edward is bulletproof, Bella," Miss Bells reminded me, playing with the hem of the slip and rubbing her legs together where she stood.

"That's right…" I mumbled to myself, feeling a bit defeated. Edward was probably having a good laugh, watching as I had a full conversation with myself in the mirror. If this didn't scare him off, I wasn't sure what would. "I need a shower," I said, shaking my head, forgetting about Miss Bells and all of her insane mind games as she disappeared and I stepped away from the mirror.

As I waited for the shower to heat up, I stripped myself down, tearing the red slip and stockings from my body in haste. I threw them into the corner of the bathroom and examined my naked body in the mirror. Though I was constantly caked with bruises from falling from the stripper pole, nothing except my new scar seemed out of the ordinary. As my eyes ran further down my body, I noticed new bruises, located directly on my hip bones, symmetrical and shaped like fingertips. Evidence that my encounter with Edward had been more than real, and not just some dream that my mind had concocted. I shook my head again, closing my eyes, and when I reopened them, Miss Bells stood, also naked, smiling devilishly at me. She put her hands on her hips, and I winced from the pressure of my fingers on the bruises.

"He's watching us, right now. Look." I shook my head as she spoke to me, as I spoke to myself, arguing with my own figure in the mirror. I was definitely insane. I needed to make an appointment with a psychiatrist right away. I would do it tomorrow at the hospital.

A small part of me, though, glanced out the window of the bathroom, and for a split second, I could have sworn that a pair of orange-gold eyes met mine before they disappeared. I gasped, shook off the feeling, and jumped into the shower. My mind was obviously playing tricks on me.

There was no way Edward was outside.

No possible way. This was a dream, and I would wake up tomorrow morning, laughing at the entire situation. My bruises would disappear, my scar wouldn't be there, and I would be Bella again. Everything would be just fine.

But as I stepped into the shower, I couldn't help having the feeling that someone, something, was watching me closely. My automatic reaction frightened me, because it wasn't what I expected. Rather than feeling frightened, I felt myself beginning to breathe heavily. I felt…turned on. My body ached for his icy, too-rough touch again. Not only did Miss Bells want Edward; In that moment, I wanted him, too.

"Edward…" I whispered again, a slight increase in my volume as I tiptoed towards my bedroom door. As I flicked the light switch off, I dropped the towel from my body and hopped into bed. It took me less than a second to wrap the purple sheets around my naked body and stretch into a much needed yawn. I loved my bed.

Here, warmth and clarity awaited me.

_But that wasn't all._

Before I could take the breath necessary to scream as loud as I needed to in this moment, an icy hand covered my mouth gently and stroked the side of my chin.

"Good evening, Bella. You smell amazing, as always," he whispered, the perfume of his breath and his hand on my face too much for me to bear. I didn't know what to do next as my heart jumped out of my chest and my eyes met his. I managed to keep my breathing slow, calm, and waited until he removed his hand from my mouth, all too soon.

"Edward," I whispered in the dark, pretending that I could see his glorious face if I squinted my eyes in the right way. I felt the breath of his cold laughter on my shoulder as he ran his hand below the sheet and placed it, more politely than needed, on my stomach. My breath hitched as his palm imprinted itself in my skin. My chest heaved. My spinal cord formed an arch, bringing him closer. My thighs rubbed together in jubilation that this moment had finally come.

"Did you...change your mind?" I asked, my mouth stumbling across the words.

"No, Bella, no. Such a dirty mind you have. I was just thinking, why not celebrate our newfound pact? Use each other for what we both want, so to speak…"

I knew what he meant. He wanted my blood, again. Fear shook through me along with desire.

All the questions in my head were decimated as Edward's smooth fingers travelled further towards my navel. He allowed himself a deep inhalation and shuttered as he exhaled. I clutched the sheet harder against my chest as my body heaved uncontrollably under his touch. The smile was evident in his voice as he sang in my ear, his words more intoxicating than all the alcohol in the world.

"Prepare yourself, Bella. You may die tonight, but you just might live forever."


	12. Chapter 12: Bad Romance

Die Tonight, Life Forever

Chapter 12: Bad Romance

EPOV

At some point, everyone has to realize that they shouldn't take life too seriously. The unfortunate thing is that it took me about 100 years to come to that realization and share it as part of a reawakened philosophy. I felt very new-age and suave as I lie in Bella Swan's bed, embarking on some newfound technique of torture that I imagined only worked on borderline-suicidal stripper/student nurses. For all of the relentless panting she was doing, one would never guess that all I had was a hand on her abdomen. Even with all of her quirks, her minor obscurities that would distract any normal being from her beauty, I couldn't help but feel a sense of wonder as I lay there next to her. She was an enigma; a puzzle I couldn't quite wrap my finger around. Someone that kept me guessing, which I had thought, until now, would never present them self in my existence.

Bella Swan remained still as stone for a moment. Of course, I was used to this. Being statuesque was part of a vampire's M.O. and with the consideration that I had only ever been in bed with one female of the vampire kind, Bella's stillness calmed me. If my dead heart could beat, it would be thumping away with all of my dirty secrets.

But right now, with my hand placed somewhere between her navel and her mound, the voice inside that urged me to kill her wasn't nearly as brutal as the other constant, desperate voice, screaming at me to take her for myself, right here, right now. I didn't care about hurting her. All of the frustration I had felt for days on end could finally come to an earth-shattering, orgasmic halt. I could finally make her see that the nymphomaniacs she encountered during her job were nothing compared to what I could be. Mike Newton wouldn't even continue to be a distant memory in her sex life. That was, if I were able to control myself.

But ah, I knew better. I knew that once I began my attack on Bella Swan's most sensitive areas, her aroma would convince the perfectly sane being inside of me to take one step further over the line than I could manage. I would kill her with a flick of my wrist. One spastic fiber of my tissue, and she would be gone, empty, lifeless.

But wasn't that what she wanted?

The question only had a moment to beg for an answer before I was distracted by the rise and fall of her breasts under the covers, the arch I felt form in her back as her hair cascaded over the pillow's top. I once again inhaled, and felt every molecule of oxygen in my throat as if they were embers of a fire that had been burning for hours. Bella moaned softly and I felt her hips begin to roll under my touch. I was sure I wasn't harming her, but her body language resembled that of a woman in pain.

A woman in desperate need of relief from whatever demons haunted her.

A woman that wanted to be touched; craved it more than anything else her body needed.

Her words confirmed my beliefs.

"I will give you what you want; you give me what I want. An even trade," her breath became shallower as she spoke and fidgeted on the mattress.

"Let me be clear," I remarked, wanting to toy with her more than was necessary. After all, I didn't need her consent to get what I came for. Her blood called to me from under the covers, and her body…did the same. The problem with this situation: I didn't know which I wanted more. "I am not here to fulfill your desire, only my own. I'm more selfish than you would assume, Isabella."

"Edwaaard," she begged, "Please, just…just touch me."

Shit.

Perhaps I had misjudged Bella's willingness. Perhaps I was wrong to assume that a stripper would be so afraid of someone like me. Then, I remembered, really, Isabella Swan's job as a stripper made her a great actress. After all, like I played human, she played a woman who would do anything a man could imagine for the right price. I smiled in the dark. She was good at faking.

"Tell me, Isabella, do you really want me to do that, or are you just _faking_?" I asked, the smile on my lips audible. Even in the dark, I could see the look in her eyes change instantly from fear to desire. It was like light switch; a mask that she wore around me to hide her real feelings. Just like at the strip club.

"Yes….oh God, yes," she mumbled, rolling to her side, her flesh now radiating heat with every movement. I didn't know how much more I could take. Bella lifted her arms from under the covers and attacked me, her hands working their way up my chest, struggling to undo the first button of my still-damp shirt. Instantly, I moved my hands to form cuffs around her wrists, physically commanding her halt. Her breathing continued, too fast to be considered calm, too slow to be seen as unrelenting.

She wanted me. I wanted her. There was no confusion about the topic.

"What's the problem, Edward?" In a flash, it was as if Bella became a different person. I was suddenly met with the stripper's persona that she displayed at the club constantly. The change in personality led me to all different conclusions, some of them more appealing than others. She whispered, her hot breath on my ear, "You don't want this?" Her breasts, now exposed, pressed against my chest, as her left leg snaked its way over my center. I allowed her to pin me to the bed, as I rolled to my back and snickered triumphantly. Finally, I would get what I wanted. As she shifted her weight above me and her bottom came to a rest just over my groin, her scents, all of them, filled my head with overwhelming excitement. Her hands pawed at my chest in an almost playful manner, and she smiled as she tossed her hair to the side.

"Edward," she giggled for a moment, "You're rather excited," she noted, accentuating the now- throbbing member in my jeans with a soft nudge of her hips. I shuddered at the sensation.

"You know, it is appealing to me, not only this situation, but the uncertainty of whether it's my body…" she shifted her hips again to prove her point; I stifled a growl. "…or my blood, that makes your body react in this manner." Now, in a most alluring behavior, she positioned her wrist, with all its glorious veins and vessels just below my nose, a fraction of an inch away from my lips. I felt my tongue flick from my mouth and run its course over her heated skin in an uncontrollable action for a moment before I regained composure. The odds were not turning in my favor.

"You see, Edward, you're a vampire. And you're strong and…muscular…and scary," she went on, grinding her naked hips into mine and lowering herself to my level, her breasts again resting on my chest. Then, in an act that should be illegal for any human girl to do to a man, human or vampire, she nestled her chin into my neck, exposing her newly acquired scar, my mark that I had given her, and whispered in my ear, "But you're still a man. And men, well, quite frankly, don't scare me one bit. Because the power I posses is greater than any man's control, or conscience, or will power. And all that power I have over _other _men, well," she chuckled, a deep laugh that could be felt throughout both of our nearly connected bodies, "I have it tenfold when it comes to _you_." Throughout this production, my once-steady breath became uneasy. I continually inhaled, taking in more and more of her with every breath. Every inch of her body attached itself to mine, and though she was good at this game, she would never win. I would be victorious, I assured myself. I lifted my head from the pillow, and as I opened my clenched mouth to speak, a tiny vibration came from under my head. I watched as Bella Swan's coy smirk turned to a look of panic, and I smirked back at her.

"What….what exactly is _that_?" I questioned, referring to the vibration that continued on incessantly.

"What's_ what_?" she asked, pretending to be oblivious. I felt her body clench in panic on top of mine and grinned a bit harder. The once 'almighty and powerful over Edward' Bella ceased to be.

"You know what I'm talking about. You can feel it, too. Don't play dumb now, almighty and powerful Bella. What's that _vibrating _there, under your pillow?" I smiled as I reached behind the pillow to find the culprit.

"It'smycellphone-" Bella remarked in one quick word as she leaned over me in an attempt to beat me to the source of the vibration, which I already held in my hand.

It was no _cell phone_, I might add.

The florescent pink object in my hand, which was no bigger than one of my fingers, vibrated with the consistency that any AA battery could make something vibrate. I laughed, finding too much humor to contain myself.

"It's _not_ what you think," Bella insisted, struggling to grasp the tiny object from me. The shift of her hips over mine as she did this made it all the more difficult for me to concentrate on the matter at hand: making fun of her.

"Ohh, really, then tell me, all-powerful Bella, what one would use something like this for. Because I know, as a man who has such _little power_ over someone like _you_, I'm too stupid to realize what the nature of this product is. Explain it to me," I grinned so hard I thought my face would fall off as Isabella Swan covered herself up and jumped off of me in one quick huff. "Perhaps you should make us both happy," I quipped, "and give me a demonstration." She blushed a furious shade of scarlet as she curled into a ball and inched away from me, stunned with paralyzing embarrassment over my discovery of her 'alone-time companion,' as any gentleman would call it.

"What? No comment on this?" I held the toy in my hand, as it continued to send vibrations through my skeleton, and she sighed, covering her beautiful face with her sheet.

"Get lost, Edward."

Embarrassed Bella was far more fun than almighty and powerful Bella. It was quite humorous to me that a _stripper_ would find something as insignificant as a vibrator embarrassing.

"No, no, Bella, I'm simply trying to understand. Someone as powerless as me, you see, we don't know anything about vibrating objects found in between women's sheets. I'm wondering what it's used for."

She turned over to face me as my sarcasm continued, and gave me an agitated look. Things were obviously not going the way she had planned. Disappointment and humiliation presented on her face.

"Are you serious right now? Turn that thing off and get out of here," she mumbled angrily, attempting once again to steal the pink toy from my clutches. I chuckled.

"No, really, Bella, just tell me. I'm interested. Is it a back massager? Doesn't seem too productive as a back massager. No, it's gotta be for some smaller area. Hmm," I pondered it mockingly, not wanting to change the subject. Bella obviously felt that this awkward conversation had gone on too long.

"Shut uuuppp Edwaaarddd," she groaned, hitting me with her tiny fist.

"Does it go….here?" I asked, pressing the vibration to her temple. She stifled a giggle and turned her face away from me. "How about here?" I moved it to her sternum, just between her breasts, moving the covers out of the way and exposing her flesh to me once more. She was breathtakingly beautiful as she pressed her lips together, stressed to keep her equanimity. I pulled the covers further down her body, exposing her thin waist and hips. I then proceeded to press the vibrator into her navel, which caused her to erupt in heartfelt laughter.

"You're such an idiot," she smiled, "Get that thing away from me. Get out of here. I'm tired. Let me sleep." She laughed again. I hadn't let myself be this carefree around her. It was always an intense game that we played together, never a fun one. I sat up in her bed, the object still shuddering in my hand.

"I…I don't think you understand-" she started.

"Then _let_ me understand," I snapped, not allowing her to finish as I rolled myself over top of her naked body. She trembled as I pressed my lips to hers in one fluid motion, taking her in my arms and pressing her to me as hard as I could manage without breaking her. Bella moaned and thrust her hips into mine, reawakening the lust that built within the denim cage of my jeans. Her hands roamed through my hair, the heat emanating from her like fire as she attempted to force her hot tongue between my lips. I allowed the simple pleasure, and felt my will power crumble as I lost the vibrator between the sheets and fisted her hair, pulling her ever closer, desiring to be lost in her heated touch. I permitted myself one measly touch, one soft grasp at her taut nipple, which responded to my cold handle in such a way that I thought I would lose my mind before I left Bella's presence. Bella moaned vociferously, and again bucked her hips, and I felt the slightest moisture cling to the crotch of my jeans as she spread her legs further apart beneath me. We continued on, both lost in simply touching each other, writhing uncontrollably, until I parted my lips from hers and was forced to murmur softly, "You have no idea how good you taste right now."

Bella gasped for air after the kiss broke, still rolling her hips and fisting my hair as her mouth made its way to my collar bone, and her tongue danced effortlessly. She breathed into my skin, "Edward, I want you to…I want…oh God, do that again, please…" She rolled her hips into mine yet again as she gripped the back of my hand and pressed it, with all of her strength, into her breast. I left my hand there and mimicked her action, sliding my tongue down the hollow of her throat, admiring the wonder that her blood presented me, tasting ever splendid flavor that she had to offer.

Suddenly, I had a dilemma on my hands.

While I was admiring her flavors, Bella Swan's warm hands had somehow managed to sneak past my chest, below my belt line, and were now about to tend to the one place that, if tended to, would force every ounce of control from me. I shivered in anticipation.

_Just one touch. Just let her, she wants to. By the way, reciprocation is always nice. Reciprocate her actions, Edward, reciprocate. You've made it this far, there's no turning back now._

The evil monster inside of me wanted this of Bella, too. Shamefully, I allowed her hand to circle the perimeter, shuddering in pleasure as the heat from her hands created more desire than I thought I could handle. I suddenly gripped her arm, moved it to my chest without her consent. She moaned as I now thrust my hips into hers, taking time to tend to all of her most sensitive and exposed regions as my cock begged to be released from its denim prison again.

No. No, I won't do this to her. I'll destroy her if I let that happen.

"Edwaaard, oh my God. Edw-"

"Tell me, Bella," I whispered between flourishing her mouth with wet, venom-filled kisses, "Is _this_ what you think about when you use that little pink toy of yours?" Her heart, which felt as if it were a part of my own chest now, sped out of control as she forced her eyes open and looked into mine with such want; it reassured me that if she died now, she would die a satisfied woman. Her big brown eyes bore into mine, and for a moment, it felt like the world stopped. Very few expressions could top the one she gave me now.

"Excuse me?" She asked, her cheeks now red with embarrassment again, not just from the enjoyment of her position underneath me. I whispered into her ear, embracing all of her hot skin as I searched for the vibrator among the sheets with my other hand.

"Do you like to imagine that this is me?" I offered, gesturing to the still-quivering pink toy. Bella blushed frantically and shook her head, catching her breath. Her heart continued to race.

"Bella, my gorgeous, irresistible Bella, you really are a terrible, terrible liar," I admired the adorable expression on her face as I traced her features, making my way up and down her side, and smiled as she trembled from my touch.

"I'm not….lying," she lied, again. I shook my head in disagreement. The idea of breaking Bella was long gone from my mind. The idea of harming her in anyway had also escaped my thoughts. Beyond my better judgment, I came to the realization that I was laying in bed with my dream girl, naked as the day is long, and ready to pounce on her every need.

"Do you enjoy pretending that it's my fingers, committing the deed that this little toy does to you? Do you like screaming my name when you finally reach your pleasure? Or maybe, Bella, maybe you're one to stay quiet and just think of all the ways I can make you beg for release."

Bella Swan whimpered and bucked her hips as my fingers moved too close to her center to remain still.

"What's wrong, Bella? Are you upset that I'm not fucking you with my fingers right now? You can admit it, it's okay. I won't tell anyone," I smiled, moving the vibrator closer to her mound as she writhed beneath me. She moaned, crying out in desperation.

"No, no! No, Edward, I don't do that. Stop. You have to stop, please. I can't handle much more of this…I…I should…" she shifted under me, coming to rest on her elbows, attempting to sit up. I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, letting my eyes wander over her glorious figure before I spoke. I sat in stunned silence for a quick moment, admiring the loveliness that radiated from her. Her face, like an angel's, glowed with her innocence, and the glistening of the sweat on her skin in the moonlight that shone through the window…

"You should do as you're told, Bella. Be still for a moment, please. I want to be able to remember you just like this," I leaned away from her, breaking our connection, and observed every curve of her body. She leaned back, and let out a quiet breath as I took in the perfume of her one more moment.

"Edward," she started, but then looked down to her own naked figure and blushed, shook her head.

"What's wrong, Bella, what is it?" I asked, allowing my hand to linger on her spread thigh. She shuddered with delight and closed her eyes.

"Say it again, please," her voice became a soft whisper.

"Say what again, Bella?" I asked, leaning forward more, creeping to hover on top of her once more. As I closed the distance between our faces, a faint smile appeared.

"Say that you love me again," she asked, her pink lips curling upwards. I mirrored her expression as I placed my hand over the scar I had left, the mark on her neck that made her mine, and pulled her forehead to mine.

"I love you, Isabella."

Her heart raced.

"Thank you. Now, will you please just…touch me? Please?" she begged, twisting her body underneath mine once more, her fingernails tickling my chest as my shirt divided our connection. I smiled mischievously and crushed her lips with mine.

When she finally broke away for a breath, all of my hope to end this night now was gone. I sighed as I melted into Bella's body; breaking free from the fence I had surrounded myself with for the past week.

She took my hand, and with her own, forced it to trace the delicate curves of her body. I noted her throbbing heartbeat as I let her slide the damp shirt from my back. Never was I happier than when our chests made skin-to-skin contact for the very first time. I inhaled the scent of her sex, more prominent in the room than her sweat or even her blood, and felt my erection twitch in a most painful way. I groaned as Bella drove her hips into mine once again.

"Show me, first," I commanded, a crooked smile creeping up my face as she continually blushed at the situation. She smiled.

"Oh, is that what you want? A show?" she remarked demurely slinked out from under me, rolling to the other side of the bed. On the other side of the bed sat a table, where a small glass of water, filled with ice was perched. She quickly dipped her hand into the glass and captured an ice cube inside of her fist before rolling back towards me and spreading her legs open again. Her scent sustained my intoxication. I gasped in shock at what she did next. She slowly slid the ice cube down her chest, over her breasts and when it finally reached her mound, it had all but melted into her hot, perspiring skin.

"What are you—"

"This, Edward, this is what I do, when I think of you," she whispered, shuttering with pleasure as she circled the small bundle of nerves in her center with her now numb fingers. "I don't need that fucking toy," she protested. I felt my jaw tighten.

"And the ice?" I questioned, clueless.

"It's cold…_freezing_…like you," she moaned as she touched herself again, and her heart rate soared. I swallowed back the pool of venom that coated my tongue and stifled my own moan.

"Ohh…_really_ now?" I asked, attempting to down play my excitement by dropping my half-naked figure to the bed beside her, my eyes never leaving the intricate circles her fingers made.

"How does it feel, Bella?" I demanded, wanting to know every sensation she was feeling in this moment.

She fought the smile that crawled up her face and exalted, "_Fucking amazing_."

"Oh Bellaaa," I groaned, her words too much for me to handle. My cock pulsed against my jeans, struggling to be pressed against her as her chest heaved with short, intense breaths. She was close to release, I could sense it. Just a bit more coxing and I would be in the free and clear to get what I wanted from her; her blood.

"Edwar—" I muffled her cry with a hasty kiss, opening my mouth and allowing her tongue to intrude, sucking on the tip just enough to put myself into a frenzy. As I hovered over her, kissing her mouth, her neck, her collar bone, Bella stopped her incessant circles and bucked her hips, the arch in her back now seeming permanent as she performed the most indecent proposal of her life. She raised her hand to my face, and with it, all the scent and flavor and wonders of her sex were brought to me. She danced a finger across my lips, and again like the fire I thought I had grown used to by now, she scent burned my senses. She smiled as parted my lips to receive her offering.

"Taste me, Edward," she smiled, heavy lidded and ecstatic, "Tell me how good it is. Tell me how are I am to resist. Tell me how much you want me, every part of me, right now."

I moaned and shuttered as the flavor of her sex filled my mouth. My venom pooled and framed my lips as I sucked every drop from the magnificent skin of her fingers.

"It's so good, Bella, so good," I muttered when I was able to tear my lips away from her fingers, and then replaced them.

"Edward," she sighed, "touch me, please…"

And then, I lost control as my hand laced itself with hers, my other hand instinctively dipping to the tingling nerves of her mound.

_So hot, so wet, so hot, so…perfect…._

Bella's hips trashed to my fingers as they burned with the touch of her most sensitive flesh, and I rubbed gently until I felt ever muscle in her body tense.

"Yes," she cried, "Faster Edward, just like that, yes, make me…"

The incoherency of her words echoed in my head as my teeth slowly suck themselves into the flesh of her palm, releasing the saccharine nectar that God put me on this planet to enjoy: _her blood_.

Her blood pulsed into my mouth, filling it with the most intoxicating taste I had ever experienced.

"Mmmmm… Bella," I grunted, an animalistic growl pinned to every word, "Cum for me, now, my Bella…"

As my hand worked between her thighs, I gulped down her blood, feeling it fill me with the most satisfying feeling I was sure I could ever experience.

"Ahhedwwwarrd, I'm…I'm… ohhhh…" Bella's body trembled beneath me, and I felt the muscles of her sex spasm, into orgasmic bliss, her juices dripping into my hand as I carefully sipped at her wound and ran my tongue over her palm to seal it shut, closing off the gate to my self control, which had been open for much too long.

Bella's heart rate slowed in the passing minutes, as we both lay there, completely satiated and content. Her breathing finally steadied with one final inhalation, then an exhalation, as she touched the skin of her palm and turned to face me.

"Edward?" she inquired, her voice a different tone, one that was sweet and innocent, as if she hadn't just seduced a vampire into helping her achieve sexual pleasure.

"Bella?" I mocked, uncomfortable with how casual she could be after the events that tonight had played for her.

"Am I allowed to say that I love you, too?" I subdued a chuckle as she leaned up onto her elbow and asked me an honest question with loving eyes.

"Ah, Bella…I don't deserve your love. But it's nice to hear, at the very least," I smiled.

"Well, then…I love you too, Edward. Deal with it." She stuck her tongue out at me as she rose from the bed, in all her naked glory, and fetched a night slip from her dresser drawer. As she slipped the blue fabric over her head and it fell to her body, outlining every curve of her silhouette, I sighed. She was so calm and collect in this moment. So casual. My mind pondered the reasons for this trait in her.

"So, tell me, Edward, where exactly did you park?" she whispered as she strode past her window, finding no silver Volvos on the street. I snickered.

"I didn't. I ran here," I informed her, clenching my fist. Was something wrong? Was I starting to get uncomfortable because I didn't want this part of our relationship? I didn't want the chit-chatty nonsense that everyday people committed to along with their sexual or blood-sharing relationships? Surely that couldn't have been it.

"So, what," she giggled, covering her mouth, "Is that part of your vampire physique regimen? That's how you get these lean, muscular arms?" She questioned as she leaned over the bed and ran her hands down my bare arms. Her scent forced my nostrils to flare as I realized that all I wanted was more blood. I didn't mind the chit-chat on a regular day, but being around her, after tasting her blood twice in one day….it was fucking with every fiber of my being. I had to escape. But how? Surely it was rude to bring a girl to orgasm, drink her blood, and run off into the night. Or was that how it worked?

Suddenly, I wished I had watched more vampire movies in my lifetime. What was the protocol?

I stuck with the plan of simply chatting before saying I had to go. That would be more mature, more realistic. _More human._

"Really, if I wanted, I could sit on my ass all day and watch TV and eat donuts. I'd still have the same body if I did that for 50 years. Of course, donuts really aren't part of my diet, so I doubt that'd work, but you know," I quipped, brushing a hand through my hair and snaking my arms back through my shirt. As I straightened out the collar and started buttoning, I decided I would inform Bella of my new occupation.

"Actually, I have better aspirations than sitting around eating donuts. I have two medical degrees and, I think I might actually start putting them into use for the first time in my life." I knew that as a student nurse, this would catch Bella's attention.

"Wait…so you're…a doctor? A vampire doctor? Oh good lord. I'll be damned if that isn't a malpractice lawsuit waiting to happen," she laughed as she lit a cigarette and blew smoke out the window, then looked at her hands, and threw the cigarette out the window. "I can't believe I just lit a cigarette in my house!" she spat, trying to get the taste out of her mouth. I eyed her incredulously.

"But…you smoke. I've seen you smoke several times. In fact, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet you if you didn't smoke," I remarked, quite confused.

"No, I don't smoke. Miss Bells smokes. I'm Bella Swan. I do not smoke." I felt my own gaze tighten.

"Uh-huh…"

"I know that sounds insane, but…oh God, I'm sorry, I must sound like a crazy person. Just what you need, right? Another crazy person in your life," she blushed, completely taken aback as she stuffed the pack of cigarettes back into her purse and threw it against the wall. I rose from the bed and shuffled across the floor, catching her in a long embrace.

"My Bella," I murmured, "You are so beautiful, so…amazing. Don't ever worry. I think only the best thoughts of you."

She sighed, content.

"I should be going. Alice is probably worried sick," I said, planning my exit.

"Yeah…tell her I said thank you for the warning…she may have saved my life."

"Oh, silly Bella…I did that. I made it worth living again, didn't I?" I smirked as I stepped on to the window seal.

"You did, Edward. Thank you." Her warm, now-healing hand glistened in the moonlight as she grasped mine.

"Good night, Edward," she smiled as I leaned down and kissed her hand.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

And from her window, I slipped into the darkness of the night, to rip apart the first animal I could find.


	13. Chapter 13: Everybody is Someone Else's

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 13: Everybody Is Someone Else's Secret

APOV

_Edward mother fucking Cullen! _

I stood in brush of the surrounding forest, foreseeing that my imbecile of a brother would be arriving any second. Of course, Edward would hear my mental yelp as he ran closer by the second. As I watched his shadow crawl out of the darkness of the trees, I sighed and tapped my foot impatiently.

_You look like hell._

"Well aren't we just chipper today," his deep voice echoed with a sense of happiness…too much happiness for me to feel comfortable.

_Where is the dark, angry Edward I've grown to know and love? What have you done with my brother?_

Edward smiled whole-heartedly, and as the spotlights shining from the house hit his face, he closed his eyes, as if to hide something from me. Of course, I already knew what was coming.

"He's still in there somewhere…don't worry, Bella. I mean…_Alice_." His eyes fluttered open as he corrected himself, quite taken aback by what his mouth gave away.

And what his mouth didn't give me, his eyes did. Confirmation of my worst fears were clear.

"Oh. My. God. You actually did it. I mean, I saw it happening, but I didn't doubt your self control for a moment. I never thought you'd actually…"

"Alice, shut up. Now."

The great thing about 'shutting up' was that if even I did, even if he didn't want to, Edward would hear my thoughts, regardless. He couldn't ignore me.

_You actually fed on her blood._

"You don't know what you're talking about, Alice," he repeated my name again, as if he could somehow prove remediation by doing so.

_Look at your eyes. I'm not an idiot, unlike some vampires I know. _

His eyes, now aglow with the fire of human blood, shone in the darkness, giving away every secret he could pray to keep.

As his eyes blazed with guilt, he looked to me for a sign of approval; something from me that said his crime was tolerable.

But it _wasn't_ tolerable, and he would receive no such sign.

_I thought you said you didn't want to be a monster. Where are your values? Your morals? Ethics? Is this how you intend to treat human beings now, as prey animals, like the fiend that you're turning yourself into?_

An audible growl came from his throat, and I knew I had chosen the wrong words.

"I never turned _myself _into anything. You can blame _Carlisle_ for that. I should be _dead_. I should be the soil under your feet right now, but instead I'm _here_, undead and unable to sleep or inhale without breathing fire. I'm unable to spend a _moment _in literal mental silence. There's always a crowd in my head," Edward's happy conduct turned belligerent, and he sobbed tearlessly for a split second before regaining his poise. His hand covered his eyes as he inhaled a deep breath of pain. I sighed, upset with my brother's resentment. We had adjusted to this lifestyle. We had a family. We had values and beliefs and a support frame work that could make this work for another 150 years and then some.

"Edward…"

"I am sincerely sorry, Alice. I don't mean to seem angry. It's just that she…Bella…_she _makes me a monster."

Then maybe you should stay the hell away from her. Let her be. Move on with your life. If we need to leave, we will. I won't lose my brother.

"But I…"

_I know you love her. And Edward, if you love her, if I were you, I would prepare to be very disappointed in myself. You're about to enter into something that you shouldn't be able to control. You're going to betray her trust and lose all of your compassion for human life. _

"But I would never hurt her--"

"You already have. Didn't you notice the bruises? The scars, the marks your teeth have left on her? Do you think she should have to explain that to anyone?"

"You don't always have to be the voice of reason, Alice. Get down off your pedestal and realize what I'm going through here."

_I never thought you would be one to resent the few people in this world that know you and care for you, even after what you are. You're not the only one with issues, Edward. I hope you're prepared to deal with the consequences of losing control. It's not just about Bella, Edward. It's not just about blood. It's about every human life you will deal with from here on out. It's about the relationships you think are over-with. Just see what I see, and realize that the path you're on is a dangerous one. It will change who you are. You need to remember who you are._

In my head, scattered images of Edward, ravaging Tanya in the forest threw themselves in his direction. He let out an audible gasp of surprise.

"I won't let that happen. Bella is—"

"Bella can't fulfill your every wish. You're going to look elsewhere. You're going to want too much. I've seen it."

I saw Edward, his eyes blood-red, strangling an innocent hiker and tearing him to shreds in order to fill his insatiable need for human blood.

I then saw Bella, lying beneath Edward, begging with her dying breath for mercy, before he murdered her with his passion. The images were clearer than most I had seen.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Edward questioned, his now reddish-orange eyes filled with sorrow.

"You have to see this. You need to save yourself. And Bella."

"I'll do whatever I can to prevent that," he mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Do _better_ than that. I know you can," I begged.

And with that, Edward stormed towards the house, where I was sure a conversation with Carlisle was in order. Preemptive attacks would be placed to stop the killing spree my brother would surely be on as he traveled down this treacherous road. I sighed in relief. My work was done.

BPOV

_I am running on a treadmill. I am running, and running, and running, and sweating, and running some more, and I am not going to think about vampires, or Edward, or sex, or strip clubs…except that I'm thinking about all of that right now. I am running. I'm running, and that's all. My mind is blank, and not filled with dirty thoughts about vampires named Edward or tongues or blood or teeth or sex with said vampire. _

Dammit.

It had been 48 full hours. Two days. Two long, full days worth of distraction to stop my mind from running circles around the fact that I knew that a vampire even existed. Two days of patient care plans, anatomy and physiology, and a brutal test.

Two whole days since I'd last seen Edward Cullen.

Since I'd kissed his icy lips, or touched his hard body.

48 hours on the dot since his lips had caressed my skin and taught me what pleasure really was in this world. One would assume that I would have made the best of what I had received. I should have been searching for him, showing up at his doorstep, begging him to take me and keep me for his own, forever and ever.

But what was I busy doing?

Running. _Fast._ Running away from my problems, running away from thoughts of Edward that continually haunted me and distracted me and turned me into a person I no longer recognized. He turned me into Miss Bells. That was what consumed my existence for the past two days. _Avoidance._

And when I wasn't running, I was showering, and couldn't help touching myself in order to replicate his rough touch. I had bruises. I didn't care.

I didn't care about anything except seeing his face again. Experiencing what I had, it was hard to go back to functioning in normal society. It was difficult to attend classes and go to the hospital and dress myself in white scrubs, and see blood, a constant reminder of Edward, and still be able to behave normally. I also found myself searching him out in the corridors of the hospital, praying that I would be assigned to any case that happened to involve his specialty as a medical doctor.

My grades were flawless. My attitude was impeccable. I had everything I needed to be successful in this world. Nothing had left me. Nothing had changed aside from me. So why did it feel like, suddenly, without Edward, I had nothing?

My feet slammed against the treadmill as I pressed the incline button up a few notches.

_I am running. I am running and I am not thinking of that stupid…irresistible vampire_.

"Fuck," I mumbled aloud.

"Isabella! Watch your mouth!" Charlie entered the room at exactly the wrong moment. Of course, he would. The treadmill, which had been sitting idly in the living room for the last 2 years, was suddenly on non-stop for the past two days. Even Charlie, one of the most apathetic people alive, couldn't ignore the elephant in the room, especially when the whole house sounded like there was one stomping around in it.

"Sorry…dad….I just…" I tried to speak between breaths.

"You've been working out too much. Maybe you should take a break," Charlie suggested, pausing in front of the treadmill with hands on his hips.

I shook my head as I ran harder. Maybe I should keep Charlie around as a distraction. After all, in this second, I wasn't thinking of Edward, because I was thinking of Charlie. Except that I was still thinking of not thinking of Edward, and that wasn't something I could deny.

_I am in total denial._

I pushed the incline button down to lower myself, and then finally jogged to a stop. I stood on the edges of the treadmill and imitated Charlie's stance. He glared at me, tilting his chin in a behavior that I recognized as one of my own. I was more like my father than I thought. His mannerisms had really started to show up within me after my mother passed away.

"Did you need something, dad?" I asked. Suddenly, the feeling that I was under bright lights of an interrogation room struck me. I could see it now; Charlie playing good _cop, bad cop_ with me as I denied any rumors he tried to uncover.

"Sit down, Isabella," he gestured towards the beat up brown sofa that usually became his make-shift bed. I followed his command.

"You're 'Isabella-ing' me, dad. This must be serious. What's on your mind?" I tried to keep my sarcasm to a minimum.

"I'll be asking the questions, if you don't mind," Charlie was sterner than I'd seen him in years. The last time this look was on his face, I had been caught sneaking Jack Daniel's from his liquor cabinet as a teenager.

"Okay…what's going on?" I asked again, cautious this time. Apparently there was nothing funny about what Charlie had to say.

"I want to talk to you about school. No, not just school. I want to talk to you about your_ life_. What's going on with you?"

So we were gonna do this again, were we?

About twice a year, my father chose an appropriate time to ask me what was 'going on in my life.' I suppose tonight would be one of those nights. And while I hated having to lie to my father, it seemed that telling him what was really going on with me would not benefit any party involved. Thinking on my feet was a trait I had required both as a nurse and a stripper, and practicing my skills had become more beneficial as of late. As Charlie's stare on me grew even more intense, I spoke the first thought that came to my mind.

"_Edward_," I sighed, and felt my face melt into that of a giddy school girl, before quickly realizing my error and spitting out the _second_ thing that came to mind...

"I mean, I have to get a new job," I stated vaguely. It made me feel good; made me feel like I was being truthful. I did need to get a _new _job. A _better_ job, where I could make better money, was unattainable, however.

"Oh, things aren't working out at the library?" Charlie asked, innocently, but with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. It made me nervous, like he _knew _that library was code for strip club.

I nodded. "I've been picking up shifts as a bartender at this little hole in the wall place, trying to make tuition payments," I lied, hoping my father would end his questioning there. My hope faded.

Charlie nodded his head. "Well, thank you for telling me about that. What else, Bella?"

"Dad…I really don't…"

"Just tell me, Bella. You can tell me anything, you know. I'm your father."

_I want to fuck a vampire who drank my blood two days ago, and I can't stop thinking about it. Also, I'm a stripper, while we're at it, daddy._

I decided that telling my father _anything_ would be better than nothing, so I again blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. I sat and twisted my ponytail in my fingers and shifted my weight, conscience of the fact that I was trying not to sit so seductively. How inappropriate my stripper mechanism was at a time like this.

"There's this _guy_…"

The look of relief that covered Charlie's face was indescribable. He must have thought I was out doing drugs or…stripping…or something.

"Ahh! I knew it! That's what all this is? About a guy? Well, tell me about him. What does he do?"

_He drinks blood._

"He's…actually…this might sound bad...he's a doctor. I just found that part out though."

Charlie gave a very approving smile as he crossed his arms and tried to be interested.

"Well, what's his name?"

"Edward, dad. His name is Edward. Edward Cullen."

Charlie's eyes narrowed as he reviewed my words.

"Wait…did you say _Cullen_? As in, Carlisle Cullen?"

"Yeah, dad. I guess. Why?" Confusion was among the feelings I now had stirring within me.

"Oh, it's probably nothing…but today while I was out making my rounds, a few of the guys told me about Dr. Cullen's son. He's a trauma surgeon, and he's really good with blood. All the EMT's were talking about how he saved this guy yesterday by cracking open his chest and massaging his heart right there in the ER, no sterile field or anything. They're saying he's a hero. You think that could be this Edward guy?"

I suppose I lacked the proper enthusiasm as I felt my face shift into a frown. The one person my dad shouldn't know about just so happened to be the talk of the town. And I had nothing to do with it. I remembered the events of two nights ago well. 'Fuck the hospital,' Edward had said. No wonder. He was a fucking _trauma surgeon_. I wondered why he had told me about that part of his medical training. Perhaps he'd thought I would have spontaneously combusted from his overly attractive career choice in combination with everything else about him. After all, I was a nursing student, and a stripper, and he was now a doctor, and a vampire. Talk about your oxymoron's.

Charlie's expression dissipated as I sat and sighed.

"What is it, Bella?"

I felt the frown increase on my face as I held my chin in my hand.

"I just…I don't know that this guy's right for me, ya know? He's kind of a _bad boy_, if I'm being honest."

I recalled the way his grip slid around my breasts as he thrust his hips into mine, whispering seductive nothings in my ear and seeming completely unaffected. I recalled the fear that pounded behind my heartbeat as his icy lips danced on mine. I had experienced enough ecstasy to kill a girl, without the factors of my irresistible blood and his ever-slipping control.

"Everyone deserves a chance, Bella. You know that. And Forks is a small town. You don't wanna go around spreading rumors about a doctor who saved a man's life."

My dad was more of a gossip than a teenage girl. It would have embarrassed me, if I could think about anything but Edward's flawless face at the moment.

"Well, I'm going to bed," Charlie announced, abruptly deciding that our conversation was over, "Good talk, Bells."

"Yeah. Night," I whispered idly.

"And stop running on that damn treadmill so much! Go out and have a beer if you need to relieve some stress!" Charlie called from the stairs.

"Beer's bad for you, dad."

"That's how God intended it, honey. People don't take care of themselves. If they did, you'd be going to nursing school for nothing."

I smiled a little. Charlie was right. Maybe all I needed was a beer and a dozen donuts, and I'd be on top of the world again. I would be fine, but Miss Bells would be upset. She needed to keep her figure intact. She needed to attract Edward back to her.

As my two selves continually fused together, I couldn't help but wonder what was in store for tomorrow. Maybe some more self-loathing, a little more studying, and a lot more running on a treadmill until a vampire came to visit me again. It would be a constant battle, and I would fight until my dying breath.


	14. Chapter 14: Monsters

Die Tonight, Life Forever

Chapter 14: Monsters

EPOV

"Ahh, Edward," his voice, as usual, was cool and welcoming. His thoughts, as usual, were fraught with underlying perplexity and concern.

_Perfect._

"Come in. I've been meaning to have a word with you."

I had a feeling that my paranoia was getting the best of me as I slid into Carlisle's office. I sighed and took a seat in the leather arm chair in front of his desk, wishing I had been making slightly healthier decisions with my life recently.

"You look…well," Carlisle stated in a flat, even tone. That was ironic, because I _felt_ ill. Suddenly, all I wanted was to be back with Alice. I could tolerate a few more gut-wrenching blows to the head with her words, as long as she was _angry _with me. Anger, to me, seemed like the correct sentiment to have about the situation. Alice could always display her true colors to me no matter how much she disapproved, and I genuinely valued that. Now, though her warnings seemed to her like they had gone unappreciated, I felt I had something to look forward to: _rebellion._

Perhaps that wasn't the correct way to look at her warnings, but the monster inside rubbed his hands together in excitement as I sat before Carlisle. Carlisle would undoubtedly sit here and wear a mask of serenity, no matter how horribly worried his thoughts were. The pretense of the loving and caring father figure that he was, granting me the gift of immortality in exchange for my soul was all _total bullshit_ when I could literally read his thoughts. As much as I cherished Carlisle and what he stood for, in this moment, glaring at him with my guilt-ridden, orange eyes, I was disgusted by the weakness that my existence in this world displayed for him. I was a trophy piece for his mantle, a cold, hard medal to be worn from his neck. I was the first of my family to be made into what we were, all because of his lack of companionship in his earlier years.

I was a monster, a vampire, because he was not strong enough to live this life of his own. I was the victim. I took a moment of reverential resentment on the matter, and sighed deeply. This was his entire fault. He continued to stare back at me from his seat across the desk, his fingers laced together under his chin.

"You've been straying," he noted fecklessly, unsure if it was really the case.

But oh, how right he was. His mental voice observed the change of color in my eyes, and a streak of impatience and disappointment amplified within him.

"Not too far," I commented, shifting my gaze to the oak of the desk. I couldn't stand looking at him in this moment.

"Have you forgotten who you are, my son?" His thoughts rang of understanding, knowing that this burden of what we were was too much for some to bear. Carlisle, as far as I knew, had never doubted me. He saw me as strong, completely in control. He drew the line in the sand that separated me from the others. I hadn't strayed from the course of our values in 50 years. I had never been so close to a human until tonight. I had never done so many glorious, enjoyable things in all my years, until tonight. I was unable to experience life, because as a vampire, the majority of my time was spent suffering, denying what I was, keeping the beast within me caged, until tonight, when I had tasted Bella Swan's incredible blood.

That was Carlisle's fault, too.

The injustices committed against me came rushing through my head, feeling like waves, denying me of any enjoyment of the life that had been so abruptly forced on me over 100 years ago.

"I don't _know_ who I am. I was never given an opportunity to learn what I wanted to be. I've always had to suffer this pain of the thirst…It's so unfair. I never wanted this."

Carlisle's teeth snapped together in the fashion of a prey animal. The sound shocked me as I leaned back in the chair, having an epiphany, fighting a sob from the back of my fire-filled throat.

Of course, I could not enjoy the release of tears, because all my sobs brought on were idiotic sounds that were more embarrassing than helpful. Bitterness stabbed me in the ribs as I stilled myself and waited for a response.

"…I see. Well, perhaps we can work on that. I understand if you need a bit of time to disengage. Things have been too stressful since we've moved here. I know it's hard to be settled when there's nothing amusing for you. Perhaps you should enroll in Washington State, maybe spend some time away and work on another degree. And I can ask Tanya to leave. I shouldn't have—"

"You shouldn't have created me," I mused, realizing that Carlisle wouldn't stop his suggestions until he found the proper solution. There were no solutions to this problem.

Carlisle's thoughts never acquired an angry edge, but he seemed rather uncomfortable with the accusation I had placed in my words. He worked very hard at controlling his thoughts.

_I'm sorry, Edward. I was too weak; too immature…I needed you. If it's any consolation, your existence has bettered me in more ways than I can describe. Look at all we've become. It's something to be proud of, given the circumstances._

I shook my head, silencing his thoughts.

"Do you have any _clue_ what I have done today?"

_Are you going to tell me the truth, or are you going to lie?_

"Carlisle, I am not ashamed of what I've done. I enjoyed every second of it, and I'm eager to believe that she did too." The monster stood, laughing and nodding his head in agreement with me. He enjoyed the arrangement with Bella Swan, after all, he created it.

"She? As in, the human girl Alice has been talking about?"

"Bella. The police chief's daughter."

"Excellent," Carlisle rolled his eyes, thinking of all the ways we would have to protect ourselves and flee if I murdered someone so well-known in the town of Forks. "She's a student nurse at the hospital. I've seen her around," he commented, trying to remain casual.

My father was also a surgeon. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, a powerful and intellectual goldmine, according to any human being. How incredible that he could work 100 hour weeks and still be so attractive, witty, and sophisticated. He didn't lose his mind like any other attending physician with insomnia would. People stood before him like he was perched upon an altar to be worshipped at. If only they knew his true capabilities.

There was a moment of silence, both internal and external for him. I sighed again.

"She's a beautiful girl," he blinked, letting me know that he was unsure of what to say. "You spent…some time with her, I presume?" He presumed more than that. Carlisle's thoughts of a dead, cold, lifeless Bella, following an encounter with me, made it gut-wrenchingly difficult to continue with my confession. His assumption pissed me off beyond all recognition. I shook in my seat, attempting to control the physical release of rage I desired. The monster growled, pissed off as well. _Fuck Carlisle and his fucking high horse. He doesn't know me. He doesn't know how in-control I really am. He's been keeping this monster dormant for years, with all of his animal blood-drinking fuckery. I'm a vampire. I'm doing my job, quite well, I might add. _

Maybe I was being too hard on him. Maybe I was the one that needed to be more forgiving. Carlisle had taken my soul, but really, was he to blame for imprisoning the monster inside of me for so many years? No, I decided, that was all my doing. One can only lead a horse to water, after all. I felt my attitude doing flips inside my brain. The monster, in the fashion of Alice, tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for me to make a decision.

"Edward?" Carlisle blinked, taken aback by my unresponsiveness. I straightened up in the chair, forgetting what exactly I had resented about him in the first place.

This was a new kind of low for me. I couldn't even concentrate the culpability on him. I had been a good (if 'good' was the right word) monster for over 50 years. Obviously, Carlisle shouldn't shoulder the blame for my going rogue. The monster sat, nodding his head as my face formed a look of shear resolve.

It was _her_.

I was all _her_ fault.

She was the reason for all of these feelings I had pouring into me. Her face, her body, the blood pulsing beneath her soft, hot skin, it was all a wicked combination, built to destroy me. She was the one person who had ever forced me to lean over the brink of insanity. I couldn't hear her thoughts, I couldn't resist her blood without concentration, I couldn't do anything I wanted to around her. I couldn't even deny the fact that I loved everything about her. This identification ate at me; made me feel as though everything I had learned in the past week was some cruel joke that God was playing on me. She was a monster in herself, who challenged my monster in such a way that it made my incapable of control.

I was not amused by this challenge.

"Yes, she is beautiful," I stated, my voice taking on a tone I didn't quite recognize. "Monstrously so."

I felt Carlisle's eyes tighten as he watched me. He seemed to notice my shift in mood as he waited for me to speak.

"Her blood…her body…it's too much for me to manage. It's like she's my own personal demon, sent straight from hell to destroy everything I've worked for. She's…a monster." I felt the anger inside of me build into a dark crescendo.

"Edward, what did you do?"

I thought about what I had done to Bella Swan in the past two weeks. Or, what she had done to me, rather, as my thoughts came rushing out of me.

"I…I was just hunting in the woods, and I caught this amazing scent. It wasn't just any scent, it was like, against all of my will power, I was being dragged in the direction that the scent traveled from. So I came to a clearing in the woods and found her standing by the window in her bedroom. I didn't go any closer, but she was bleeding, and her blood was the most amazing thing I have ever encountered. Better than any other human in the world. I don't know why. Of course, I wondered why she was bleeding, so I tried to read her thoughts…but I can't."

This surprised Carlisle. "You can't?"

"No."

"How strange…That must be very frustrating." His attempt at empathy rubbed me the wrong way.

"You can't even _imagine _how frustrating it is," I felt my hand tighten into an irate fist as I fumed, becoming once again internalized. The monster's eyes, now my own, glared.

"So how exactly did you end up feeding off of her? Wasn't she scared? How did you start talking to her in the first place?" Carlisle tried his damnedest to pry more information from me.

"She works at the strip club, with Alice and Rosalie. She's actually quite a favorite there. I took it upon myself to…strike up conversation…with the help of Alice, of course. She foresaw it. And then, long story short, I find myself utterly obsessed with her. She's everything that I want. And her blood…" I pursed my lips, remembering the warm taste in my mouth, reminding myself how much I wanted more. "It's all I want. I feel like I can't stop."

I felt as though sharing the graphic content of tonight with Carlisle would be a mistake. In fact, no one had to know about the other insatiable desires that Bella couldn't fill for me. My damn control had been in the way, and would not allow me to satisfy all of my urges…I rolled my eyes in defeat.

Edward Cullen, always the good vampire. My internal monster rolled his eyes as well, frustrated.

I shook the thought from my head and looked to Carlisle for a solution. He was good at solutions.

"You need a distraction," he eyed my face now, full of mercy, "A good distraction. I'll call in a favor at the hospital."

"I was hoping you'd have something available in trauma. I could use a little bit of practice desensitizing myself from human blood…again." Carlisle's somewhat understanding smile was overshadowed by his thoughts of disaster. Edward and human blood…what a tragedy. He hesitated for a moment, waiting for me to reconsider. Was I strong enough to handle it?

"Then it's settled... I'll see you on Monday, Dr. Cullen," Carlisle's now heart-felt smile radiated from him, and his thoughts suddenly screamed of his pride in me.

I was once again the mantel piece. I didn't care. Hopefully, this would take care of things. As I stood up to leave, he called to me again.

"And Edward, go hunt. Your eyes will change when you do."

"Thank you, father." I rolled my eyes again as my monster hissed in my ear angrily.

I opened the door, leaving him to fend for himself among Carlisle's all-too-good intensions.

***

The forest floor was damp from the fresh rain. As the summer was coming to a close, fall brought on a new plethora of flavors and scents. Rabbit, deer, and bear roamed the area as I sat under a thin tree, taking a break from my third meal of the night. I felt completely full, not only with blood, but with despair. Again, the feeling of Bella's touch haunted me, making me crave something more than blood. A voracious longing rested in the pit of my stomach. I would have loved to regard it as anxiousness, rebellion, anything but what it truly was: _unresolved sexual tension_. It felt like each neuron that fired away in my head was coated with the tension Bella had left me with, slowly paining me further. I needed to talk to someone, anyone who would listen. Alice was far away, probably off shopping or hunting or whatever it was that she did. Emmett and Rosalie were very audibly fucking in the house. Meanwhile, Esme and Carlisle were having a fond discussion over fixing the recently demolished landscape, pretending not to hear Emmett and Rosalie's loud intimacy. Sometimes I enjoyed being able to hear their thoughts. It was quite hilarious to witness my mother pretending to ignore dirty deeds. I equated it to watching a horrible soap opera. _What will the Cullen household think about this week? _Dramatic music played in my head as I leaned back and relaxed. The tension, however, stayed pinned between my head and my chest, deep within.

Then, as if my prayers had been answered, I heard light footsteps approaching, followed by a lilting mental voice.

_Are you…okay over here, Edward?_

Tanya fled toward me, her thoughts nothing but innocent, and sat down beside me. The jeans she wore hugged every curve of her body, accentuating her most pleasurable features as she sighed heavily, wiping the blood of a deer from her mouth with her sleeve. Hearing her thoughts, seeing her acting so casual, reminded me of a time when things were easier, when I was a vampire boy and she, a vampire girl, and we were in love. My internal monster sped back to my, tapped me on the shoulder and winked. Remember me? He asked.

Being in love with a human girl was the most difficult torture I had ever put myself through. I needed release. The monster within me knew I could acquire that release easily from this specific source: Tanya. He eyed her greedily and gave me images of happy times I had experienced with her. I scorned him.

"You know, I can smell her on you. It's driving me absolutely mad," Tanya whispered, running a hand through her disheveled strawberry hair.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling a twinge of guilt. As I read Tanya's thoughts, I learned that it wasn't the fact that the scent belonged to Bella that bothered her, mostly, but that it belonged to a _human_. She missed human blood so much, even though she hated to admit it aloud. I was the only one who knew her secret.

"Was it…worth it? Did you kill her?" An awkward gulp of venom trickled down her throat as she spoke. My gaze tightened; confusion filled my mind. What was with her? This was…different. Psychotic Tanya ceased to be in this moment. It put a twinge of fright into me as I shifted my weight.

"Why do you seem so…_normal_? You look exhausted," I observed, feeling slightly eased by the fact that she wasn't ready to jump me, finding no thought of it in her mind. Subdued annoyance threatened my relief. Leave it to Tanya to ignore her normally unrelenting lustfulness when I needed it most. I suddenly began to miss the old version of Tanya. Evidently, guilt had forced old Tanya to run for the hills. Her jealousy and overbearing tendencies about me clouded her judgment far too often.

She heaved an animalistic groan and stretched her arms, then proceeded to lean against my body, wrapping her arms around my arm gently. Her hair cascaded over my shoulder as she rested her head there and shut her golden eyes. The tree behind my back quivered as I leaned against it, swallowing down venom with slight unease.

"I've been hunting all night, Edward. I'm very sorry for acting the way I have. I'd like to say my thirst has had a lot to do with it, but the truth is I'm just…tired. I'm so tired."

"That's impossible, Tanya."

"No, it's possible. Don't you ever wish, just for a second, that it were easier? I find myself missing sleep more and more often these days. I wish I could just…sleep. It would make everything so much easier. It would make…the urges…I don't know. Forget it, it's stupid," she stifled a chuckled and leaned further into me.

"It would be so much easier, if we were human," I mused.

"Do you ever wonder what we did to deserve all of this pain? I mean, chasing rabbits in the woods at 3 AM, unable to sleep, unable to dream, unable to breathe in public without feeling that dry ache in the back of your throat, even if it is just a murmur? Sometimes I think I would rather be dead."

Tanya's words surprised me, because they were everything I had been thinking myself. The monster's eyes fell to Tanya, feeling empathy for her. The bitterness I heard in her words reflected in my own.

"I wouldn't have the urge to be a monster because of some _insignificant_ human. I wouldn't be going against everything I stand for, drinking her blood and nearly killing her, losing all control, constantly playing with fire. It'd be so much easier."

"So much…_easier_," she repeated, a look of sadness crossing her face as she glanced up to me. Our eyes trapped one another's for a quick moment. The effortlessness with which we could sit and mourn our loss of humanity was overwhelming to me. I breathed in deeply, and for the first time I could remember, fire didn't accompany the sensation. My senses were filled with nothing but the scent of trees, the pleasant scent of after-rain, and…Tanya's skin. If only Bella's scent could be as painless to inhale. The pleasure I felt with her came at a consequential price. With Tanya, I didn't have to worry about her fragility or accompanying fire. It was undemanding, peaceful.

_Your eyes are filled with remorse. You need to forget her, let her be. She's human. It's not her fault. _

Tanya's cool hand reached up and touched the dark circles under my eyes.

"You look awful," she laughed, smiling slightly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, Edward. I know what it's like. I've been there. Someone's blood is too hard to resist, you lose all control, and all sense of who you are…you're just lucky that you didn't kill her. You didn't, right?"

"No, but I can't help wishing that I had. She's like an angel…and a demon, all wrapped into one. It's killing me. I can't be near her without suffering. I can't stay away from her without feeling a constant urge to be near her. The problem is, even to be around her, just to talk to her, or hold her, like this," I mumbled, feeling Tanya's hand rub my back in comfort, "It's too hard, too painful. But I can't. I mean, look at what I've done to her, the monster I've become. I can't live with that. But I can't just…I just…"

"You can't forget about it, either. The blood, the sensation. Feeling like you were born just to taste that blood, you'll never forget. Believe me, you never, ever will." She related to my experience quite well.

"I need to forget." Unexpectedly, I felt the urge for release coming again from within me. As Tanya's hand glided across my skin, the need for closeness felt all too unfulfilled. I abruptly turned to meet her, my hands on either of her shoulders, gripping her frame with strength that would surely snap Bella in half. But here Tanya sat, unaffected by my strength, making me feel…normal. The monster sighed in relief, smiling.

"Tell me about your…your demon," I insisted, unable to help the fact that I was now stroking her hair. The action was so familiar and casual. She sighed, and her audible smile was charming as ever.

"I think you already know about my demon. Doesn't the name Fredrico ring a bell to you, Mr. Cullen?"

Ah, Fredrico. How your death was so joyous for me. I remembered now.

"The catalyst to our break up," I murmured, shifting away from her for a moment. She inched closer, tucking her head further into my chest as she spoke.

"Ah, yes, Fredrico, what a fine Brazilian flavor he was." She grinned, pausing at the memory. "You couldn't understand, then, I know. You had never experienced it. Why would I ever want to love a human man, when I had…all _this_," she gestured to me, observing my posture, eyeing my figure hungrily. "Edward Cullen. How could _Edward Cullen_ ever amount to anything less than perfect and irresistible, compared to a simple human named Fredrico?" Her tone was one of disbelief at the mistakes she had made. Her thoughts reeked of regret. I eyed her skeptically.

"Well, I know," I gave her a smirk full of sarcasm, "I'm the best." She laughed.

"Yes, you are, indeed, Edward. But, the blood. _His _blood. I wasn't as good a vampire as you are now, what with all your psychotic self control. I was young, naïve, only off of human blood for the time I had been with you. But I _needed _him. Right then and there. Oh, and I fended well for a day, perhaps a day and a half. Making love to him, killing him slowly, enjoying every second of that irresistible, unbelievable…ugh," she stifled a moaned as the thoughts of that day came running back to her. "Compared to him, you were nothing, because you couldn't ever have that…draw. The blood…" She glanced up at me circumspectly, as if she didn't want to hurt my feelings. My monster bounced up and down in his place angrily. I attempted to bring light to the conversation.

"Oh, _Diary of a Succubus._ I feel a book series coming on," I muttered, covering the fact that I was uncomfortable with recalling the memory of her making love to a human. Internally, it was like a twig had snapped, most suddenly. No wonder she attempted to attack Bella after learning my interest in her. If Fredrico hadn't been dead after a day with Tanya, I would have gladly done the job myself. Tanya's unfaithfulness in our past relationship suddenly amounted to something completely forgivable. I couldn't imagine the pain she had experienced. She had no control. Her nature was completely at fault. Being a vampire could make you unfaithful. My monster toyed with that idea, irritating me as he compared Bella and Tanya side-by-side. Difficult, easy. Painful, easy. _You are a monster, you are normal._ He stared back at me, as if the verdict was completely evident.

I was unfamiliar with the sweep of emotion that played through me in this instant. Something about the irrepressible rage and yearning inside of me speared my dead heart, forcing me to look from all angles. The monster laughed wickedly from his place inside, and Alice's foreshadowing came rushing back to me.

"She's making me a monster, Tanya. I need to forget. Please, just make me forget…" I heard myself say, but it wasn't my voice. It was the monster's.

"Edward…I—"

"Shh…This is easy. I forgive you." As she wrapped her arms around me, I rested my head on her breast, the absence of a heartbeat, in this moment, completely soothing. It made me feel normal, like I wasn't the only one who was a walking corpse. My susurration made my feelings in this moment clear.

"I would have made you forget about him, if I had known this feeling. And now I do know, and you know too. You're the only one that can make me forget, so please… _just make me forget_," I repeated.

Tanya vigilantly ran her stone fingers through my mane, and as she lowered her face to mine, my shattered world seemed completely whole again. The monster roared with gratitude.

My lips, a fraction of an inch from hers, ached with anticipation. The lines between good and evil blurred within me as she placed her hard hands to either side of my face and met my eyes with hers.

"No, Edward."

My monster watched, mouth agape, speechless. No one said no to Edward Cullen, or his internal monster. No one.


	15. Chapter 15: Hot Mess

Die Tonight, Live Forever

Chapter 15: Hot Mess

BPOV

I licked my lips in anticipation. Finally, all of my urges would be fulfilled.

I took a seat at the table in the center of the cafeteria, next to Angela, and set my tray down in front of me.

_Oh, how I've craved this…_

I took the world's largest bite out of my breakfast burrito, devouring it insatiably. Angela stared in wonder as I gulped, the sausage and egg joined my empty stomach in the most amazing sensation I had felt since…well, since I had eaten last, a time which I couldn't remember. I paused, chewing hard, my jaw beginning to ache as I smiled at Angela with my mouth full.

"Bella!" She laughed, accusing me of poor table manners with her eyes. She blushed with second hand embarrassment.

"Sweet Mary, mother of fuck, this is amazing," I muttered, swallowing the final bite and taking a sip of my coffee. It scalded my throat on the way down. Angela sat, wide-eyed.

"Bella, you're going to hell. You shouldn't say things like that," she stifled a giggle, noting my inappropriate appraisal of the breakfast burrito. "But I must agree. There's nothing like hospital food to get your day going right."

This was…good. I felt like myself, like Bella, for the first time in ages. It had been days since I had seen Edward, and I was beginning to think that he didn't even really exist, that Miss Bells had invented him and informed me of him, like I had informed her of so many things that were useless to her. But, I had told my dad about Edward. Edward had to be real. If Charlie had heard of him, working in the very hospital that I was in right now, then Edward really did exist. I felt like I had a responsibility as a nurse to inform the staff that there was a vampire in our midst, but decided that it would make me out to be crazier than I was.

It was approximately 6 AM. I glanced at my wrist watch as I tore into my second burrito, ignoring that Miss Bells was whispering in my ear about exercise and staying fit in order to attract Edward Cullen again.

Fuck Edward Cullen. Today, I had more important things to distract myself from. I observed the date of the patient chart that sat in front of Angela.

August 16th, 2009.

The anniversary of my mother's murder, or death, however you wanted to look at it, was today.

I happily remained impolite to the death anniversary's weight on my shoulders when Charlie had woken me this morning. He was suddenly determined to get himself to work on time, so he had started getting up early with me, sometimes, earlier. It was extremely annoying. My sense of peace was greatly disturbed when he informed me that he would visit my mother's grave this afternoon, and if I wanted to join him, I should.

I had other plans, though. I would be ignorantly drowning my sorrows by acquiring acid reflux disease via burritos, coffee, and Jack Daniels for the remaining hours of the day. Miss Bells was not impressed with my decision, and I felt a voice in the back of my head reminding me about waking up in Mike Newton's bed after a night of heavy drinking and sex. We didn't want a repeat, did we?

Well, not with Mike Newton, at least.

Angela and I sat and idly chit-chatted about patient care plans, who our preceptors would be, and what medications our patient, Mrs. Allen, was currently being prescribed. I loved thinking about nursing. It filled my head with delirious, happy thoughts. 6 more months, and I wouldn't be a student nurse, but a registered nurse. I would go from Bella Swan, SN to Bella Swan, RN overnight, and help people from here on out. I would be able to atone for my sins and recollect my spot in heaven once more. I smiled, feeling a sudden rush of emotions course through me. Mom would have been so proud. I shook the thought away as tears threatened to overtake me. I was Bella Swan, SN, the 21 year old nursing student, beautiful, successful, and ambitious. Nothing could bring me down, not even thoughts of my dead mommy and her death anniversary. At least, I hoped.

I prattled about the nurse's station morosely, thinking of all the ways I could possibly help my patients or the unit. What a boring day. The burn unit was one of the more depressing units I had been placed into during my career as a student nurse. Perhaps it had more to do with the fact that I saw otherwise healthy people who had suffered painful injuries, some irreversible, rather than old, sick, dying people, like I was used to. The monitor tech sat at her desk, staring into space as the dozens of heartbeats rose and fell in front of her, the beeping like a symphony that one got used to after spending so much time here. I tried to distract myself. All of the patients were taken care of, and the staff was sitting around, filling out charts, doing office work, chatting mildly about their weekend. What a boring life I was leading. Miss Bells was not pleased, but I sat and tapped my pen against a clipboard, pretending to be caught up in my very boring work. I craved some excitement. I wished I could see Edward. Everything paled in comparison to the thrill of my encounter with him, and I needed something to happen.

Then, as if my wish had been granted, Angela ran up to me, tying a yellow sterilization gown around her neck as she moved. She paused at the nurse's station, breathless and eager.

"Bella, you and I are following on the code team today. Mrs. Allen is being taken by Lauren now for a scan. Here's a gown and a pager….oh, we're going to be saving lives today!" She handed me a clipboard, gown and pager and I grabbed them quickly, jumping from my seat.

"Why are we running?" I asked, sliding my arms awkwardly into the gown and struggling to keep a hold of the equipment she had handed me. I curled my stethoscope around my neck and tied my hair up, feeling a rush of exhilaration.

"You never know when you're gonna get a page," she answered. I felt the beeper in my hand shudder as I walked with her, right on cue. The small vibrations, despite their meaning, reminded me of Edward's newfound playfulness in my bed days ago. I sighed and broke into a brisker walk down the hall, toward the trauma unit.

Instantly, I felt the adrenaline pumping through my veins. This was more like it. I had never been on the code team before, but it was something I had always been interested in. Saving people's lives during cardiopulmonary arrest sounded like fun compared to doing paper work all morning. I smiled as I quickly glanced at the pager, which was a sophisticated, two-way device with all sorts of communicative capabilities. Having one in my possession made me feel extremely empowered.

-

FCH-08/16/09-06:48AM

TO: SWAN, B, SN

FROM: TRAUMA UNIT, FCH

***CODE TEAM PAGE***

***ROOM T1015***

***CODE BLUE***

ALL AVAILABLE RESPOND

-

As my brain translated pager-speak into a language I could understand, I realized how scary this moment was. Someone could die if we didn't get there fast enough. The excitement crawled in my veins. I smiled with inappropriate satisfaction as I turned the corner.

Angela and I ran side by side, into the patient's room, followed by a group of RN's and monitor techs. It seemed like a bit of over kill as they wheeled the crash cart hurriedly over to the patient's side. Why were there so many people in here? The woman's heart monitor sang a shrill, undying note, showing no cardiac response. She was having a heart attack as Angela and I stood, preparing to help in any way we could. Unexpectedly, my own heart stopped as I watched an all too familiar man enter through the door, a display of calm, collect mannerisms on his glorious, flawless face.

Dr. Edward Cullen, MD.

_Are you fucking kidding me? _My brain screamed as Miss Bells was suddenly beside her self, laughing and dancing and doing whatever her stripper senses told her to do when Edward was around. I swallowed hard as a nervous jolt went through me and the nurses worked at readying the paddles of the defibrillator. My eyes stayed fixated on Edward as he stood, not looking up from his clipboard. He was so…dreamy. I had never seen this side of him before.

I had known him a short time, and realized that I had only ever seen the leather-wearing, bad-ass, threatening side of Edward Cullen. In this moment, he looked so different, _so human_. This sight of him baffled me, and I tried to wipe the shocked expression from my face quickly. He was wearing a white lab coat, which was inscribed with his name, over a neatly pressed, blue collared shirt, with grey suit pants that I wished I could see more clearly. His pale blue tie accentuated his flawless complexion as he stood. Edward removed the stethoscope that sat around his neck and put it to his ears, attempting to listen to the patient's non-existent heartbeat. I doubted he needed the stethoscope with all of his keen senses, that it was just another part of his charade to look more human. His bronze hair formed a windblown halo around his head, and his eyes, no longer orange or red, but a bright, burning gold, shone with wisdom, taking in the severity of the situation. There wasn't an ounce of panic on his face as he grabbed the woman's chart from the edge of the bed. He glanced over it quickly, and then finally spoke. My heart raced.

"Hello all, I'm Edward Cullen, Trauma, and I will be running the code this morning," his melodic voice ebbed and flowed about us, and for a moment, I felt the dazzled expression of the entire staff fall on him. He sighed as he shuffled through the woman's chart, a very doctoral sigh, the kind of sigh I had witnessed medical personnel use when there was no hope for a patient's life.

"This is my patient, Janice Whitlock, 35 year old female, possible post-op pulmonary embolism. There's no allergies to medications, so go ahead and push one of epinephrine, if no response we are going to push two, and then continue CPR." I was surprised that Edward sounded so calm in this situation. Usually, doctors spoke in harsh, broken tones, using abbreviations for everything that they ordered. He wasn't speaking the normal medical language, and his eloquence as he prescribed his instructions threw everyone off a bit. He listened to the woman's idle chest with his stethoscope, shaking his head in a somber fashion as a nurse injected the medication he had planned into the patient's medication line.

"She's been down too long. Dammit. Okay, people, let's move." He twirled his index finger through the air, gesturing that time was of the essence with a very commanding voice. As the nurses of the code team began CPR on the patient, Dr. Edward Cullen glanced up from the chart in his hands, directly into my eyes, burning me with his stare. Despite the sense of urgency in the room as the staff pumped on the patient's chest, my world came to a halt. I had been waiting too long to see his beautiful face. His voice came quietly, and felt as if it was meant just for me.

"What are you _doing _here?" he asked coldly. I felt my heart sink in my chest as I tried to form a sentence. This was the same man, who not a week ago, told me that he loved me? I couldn't believe it. Gone was playful Edward. Hello, Dr. Cullen.

"Helping with the…the code…I…" I felt my eyes widen in horror as Edward approached me, his chilled hands gently grabbing Angela and I each by the arm. He stole a look at my name tag as I followed his lead. I melted under his touch, and he began directing Angela and I toward the door.

"I prefer that students not be on a code team unless absolutely necessary. You're in the way. Get out, now, please," his magnificent voice thawed out a bit, "Thank you for your help," and he slammed the door behind us, tending back to his work.

The nerve of that man! How dare he kick us out, when he _knew_ who I was! How could he be so impersonal, when he was in love with me!? Wasn't not seeing me for days eating at him, like it had eaten at me? I had never been more pissed in my entire life.

Angela and I stared at each other, dumb founded, and began tearing the sterilization gowns from our bodies in a huff. She took mine, and disposed of them in the biohazard basket in the nearby hallway as we stood, exchanging tongue-tied glances. She blinked twice, and finally got the nerve to speak.

"Dr. Edward Cullen? Who the_ hell_ is that?" she asked, and immediately, I realized what Edward was doing, why he had been so rude. _He didn't know me_. The uncongenial response to my presence was Edward's way of playing doctor. He didn't know me; not in _this_ setting. He was simply a new doctor, who preferred that student nurses stay out of the way so that he could better aid the patient. He knew Miss Bells, the stripper, but no one here knew that I was a stripper. I had only ever seen him in the protected environment of the strip club, or the privacy of our homes. No one _knew_ that I knew him. He was protecting me. My heart melted at how romantic and twisted this entire scenario was, but I also became very nervous. It was going to be tricky to pull off an aloof relationship with the man I had so rapidly fallen in love with.

I felt my cheeks flush as I stood, fixing my code pager to the waistband of my white scrubs. I shrugged into my lab coat and pulled out a small notebook, writing down the events that I had just witnessed involving the patient.

"He must be…new…" I responded to Angela, hoping I was capable of pulling off such a façade. Angela ran her hands through her dark hair and took a seat on the floor, against the wall.

"Did you notice…I mean, I know this is _completely_ unprofessional, but…did you notice how insanely hot he is?"

A twinge of jealousy worked its way up my body, straight from Miss Bells. Warning, she screamed, tell her to back the fuck up.

Well, that would certainly be an interesting exchange. I shook Miss Bells' thoughts out of my head.

"Uhm…no. I was too nervous in there, anyway. I'm glad he kicked us out," I lied, feeling my face turn crimson; "I didn't get a good look at him. God, I hope the patient doesn't die," I said, changing the subject.

A few minutes later, Angela shook her head in remorse, and we both looked up as the room's door opened. Again, I heard Edward's creamy voice as he made the announcement we dreaded.

"Time of death, six fifty nine."

I sighed, unable to move. His patient had died. I quietly breathed as Edward walked out of the room, graceful as ever. He signed his name to the clipboard in his hand, and stared intently at me. There was something different in his eyes, a sudden acknowledgment of what he had done to us, and he paused before Angela and me, shifting his stance so that he appeared more casual than before. It was as if he hadn't just declared a time of death on a patient, like he was a cold-blooded, lackadaisical, laid-back version of a doctor. _A vampire doctor_. I felt a chill run down my spine as I attempted to regard him professionally, observing his movements carefully, but still playing along with the charade that he was a stranger.

"Ladies," he smiled, a wistful, yet charming smile, the kind of smile that sent my heart into palpitations immediately. "I'm very sorry about having to ask you to leave; I simply prefer that students stay back in life or death situations. Though, unfortunately, I don't believe it made a difference in this case," he shook his head, eyes meeting the floor, mourning the loss of his patient in an act that I had seen performed a million times over by several other doctors. It was so strange to see him behave like an ordinary human being, like a doctor. Edward Cullen was extraordinary, if I had ever known anything. I didn't know what to make of this uncharacteristic behavior. He moved on, meeting Angela's watch. "…I'm Edward Cullen, the new trauma attending." He put out his hand to Angela, who blushed very inappropriately and shook it. "I hope first impressions don't sway your opinion too far, one way or the other," he added. I felt his eyes shift to me. First impressions were not his downfall. I felt that he was a rather open individual, if I could recall our first meeting.

"Angela Weber, SN. Nice to meet you, Dr. Cullen. No hard feelings," she smiled. I sighed, feeling the stress of the moment wearing on me.

"And you?" he turned to me, his eyes filled with obviousness as he pretended not to know me, for Angela's benefit.

"Bella Swan, SN," I felt the current of his touch run through me, straight to my center, as I shook his icy hand.

That hand had done wonders to me…I had missed it so much.

"Angela, Bella," his voice curled itself around my name in a seductive fashion, "Nice to meet you both. I look forward to working with you. Do you start your Trauma rotation soon?"

Oh, Dr. Cullen, your casual conversations are so unnecessary, really, Miss Bells mumbled in my head as she eyed Edward wearily.

I couldn't speak. I was busy fighting the urges of my alter ego at the moment. Angela eyed me cautiously, like she knew something was wrong, and answered.

"We just started, actually. We're on the burn unit today, and tomorrow we'll be in full-fledged trauma, down in the ER. I'm very excited."

"Well, Angela," Edward stifled a second smile and placed his hypnotizing eyes to the floor again, "Trauma is very exciting."

"Well," I garbled, finally getting a grip on reality, "We should be going. We won't bother your code team again, Dr. Cullen." I eyed him curtly, and the exchange between us was too much for me to bear.

The PA system blared suddenly with a woman's voice. "_Dr. Cullen to Trauma Nurse's Station, Edward Cullen, to the Nurse's Station."_

"Well, they're playing my song," he smiled at me, rather unprofessionally, I might add, and turned, walking at a human's pace, away. "See you soon."

Angela played with her hair, her gaze following him down the hall. His lab coat flew in the breeze as his black dress shoes squeaked against the tiles of the floor, and I stood, paralyzed by the uncontrollable urges he forced to rise from me.

"Holy…shit," Angela sighed, exasperated.

"Yeah," I answered blankly, unable to breathe again.

**

It was lunch time at Forks Community Hospital. The interns sat at their tables, gossiping like one would witness in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, and the different students, some nursing, some phlebotomy, some medical assisting, all sat together, reading over their books. The stereotypical conversation piece of 'I can't wait until I am a (insert medical profession here)' was being tossed all around the room as I grabbed a salad from the deli case and paid quickly. I had to get out of here. I needed to be alone.

It was a beautiful day in Forks, Washington. The sun shined in a rare fashion as I found my way out to the court yard and parked myself at a bench overlooking the decorated landscape of the external hospital area. I watched as people passed by, some smiling, some smoking, some talking on cell phones to their relatives about patients within the hospital, and I smiled. This was so nice. It was easy to forget about everything else when I was so content with the day. I had learned many new things, I had avoided thoughts of my dead mother, and best of all, I had seen Edward. It didn't matter that I had to pretend I didn't know him. In this moment, I was completely at ease.

I glanced over to the ambulance bay, which was adjacent to where I sat, watching as supposedly injured people walked in through the ER doors. 50% of emergency patients were really just people trying to score prescription pain killers to feed an addiction, and I giggled to myself as I watched more and more disappointed faces exit empty-handed over the next 20 minutes.

The trauma surgeon could read minds. He would know in less than a second if someone was trying to acquire medication, and he would turn them away. What a bummer for them. I smiled as I tended to my salad, taking a bite of chicken. Suddenly, I felt a vibration at my waist band.

The pager. I had forgotten all about it.

I glanced down at the pager unenthusiastically. It was probably some code that I couldn't help with. Dr. Cullen would surely kick me out of the room if I tried. I was, after all, a student. I rolled my eyes and read.

-

FCH-08/16/09-12:41 PM

TO: SWAN, B, SN

FROM: CULLEN, E, MD

***PRIVATE PAGE***

_**The combination of sunlight and white against your skin is sensational. Thought you should know.**_

_**Dr. Edward Cullen, MD, Trauma**_

-

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as I scanned my surroundings. Surely he wasn't out here. So then, where was he? I felt the pager pulse again in my hand.

-

FCH-08/16/09-12:44 PM

TO: SWAN, B, SN

FROM: CULLEN, E, MD

***PRIVATE PAGE***

_**Please, cease and assist with the blushing. You're making yourself dangerously irresistible.**_

_**Look behind you.**_

_**Dr. Edward Cullen, MD, Trauma**_

-

Feeling insane, I followed the command from the pager. I felt my heart fly out of my chest as I was greeted by the vision of Edward Cullen, sans lab coat, smiling down at me from the shaded protection the building provided. I stood and smiled back, making my way toward him, praying I expressed less eagerness than I felt. He looked breathtaking. His collared shirt hugged his muscular frame while the now rolled up sleeves accentuated his arms. His loosened tie still did wonders to his snowy skin, and his hair, more messy than usual, aided in his attempts to play human. Any other person would look like hell. He stood nonchalantly, with his hands deep in the pockets of his dress pants as I approached cautiously.

"Dr. Cullen, what's wrong? Craving a little _snack_?" I giggled at my own expense, gesturing to my neck. How casual I could speak of our little arrangement of him drinking my blood in exchange for deviant acts. In public, no less. I wasn't sure if it made me feel better or worse about his presence in the hospital.

He failed to find the humor in my words. Edward's smile fell into a displeased frown, and he squeezed the bridge of his nose in annoyance before regarding me again.

"Bella," he cooed, "call me Edward. We should really be on more familiar terms by now. I think you know me a little too well for all the formalities, don't you? And that was _not_ funny. Not at all. In fact, I think it just goes to show how unwell you really are. Just look what's become of you, trying to seduce a va- I mean, a doctor," he gulped nervously as he finished.

"No, I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen, I really don't think I do. I've only just met you, after all." Sarcasm hung from every word I spoke as I leaned up against the glass pane of the hospital's windows.

"How are you doing today, Bella?" His voice gave the inkling of concern, like he knew something was wrong, and that I was trying to cover it up. He already knew what this day meant for me. He was stalking me, after all.

"I'm fine, really," I mumbled, biting my lip, looking up to him, captivated by his eyes on me.

"Ah, again, I must insist, you are a horrific liar," he smirked flirtatiously, and his hand rose to meet my cheek. I sighed under his touch. It had been much too long without it. How I longed for this man, against all of my better judgment. I couldn't decide whether it was Miss Bells or me who wanted to be with him, but I would dare act for the both of us when I reveled in the pleasure his company brought me. His eyes shone with something I couldn't understand as he whispered, "You can tell me." Was he asking me to trust him? Despite all of the warnings he had instilled in me, I already did trust him.

"I'd really…rather not," I sighed, a faint smile playing on my lips. "Come sit with me. It's a beautiful day. I have another fifteen minutes until I have to go back to the unit," I offered, pointing towards the bench that sat, soaking in the sunlight that was so rare here in Forks.

Edward stifled a laugh and placed his hands back into his pockets.

"Bella," he brows furrowed, "I…I can't go in the sunlight."

It struck me. Yeah, Bella, really smooth, ask the vampire to go sit in the sun with you. Everyone knew, vampires died if they went into the sun. That part of the myth had to be true. Edward lacked a lot of the things that one would expect from a typical vampire. He wasn't scary, at least, right now, anyway, he didn't have fangs, but perfect white teeth that would make any dentist worship him, and, he was devastatingly gorgeous. He wasn't a hideous monster, like the horror movie depicted vampires. Perhaps that was what made him so dangerous.

I always had to remember that. He was dangerous. I wondered for a moment why I hadn't heard of any murders recently. No dead bodies had been found, Charlie had been literally bored at work. Didn't Edward kill people? Wasn't that how he drank blood and survived? I had to know. It worried me that these thoughts were only pressing my conscience just now. I should've been worried about this weeks ago.

"Oh. I'm…sorry. Sun's not that great anyway, I suppose. Dr. Cullen, I was wondering-"

"_Edward_," he corrected immediately. I subdued my frustration. We were at_ work_. Well, he was at work, I was at school, but regardless, I had to refer to him professionally, or I could suffer consequences for disrespecting a doctor.

"Yeah, whoever you are," I smirked, teasing him, "What do you…what do you_ do_ with the people you kill?" My voice became a low whisper I was sure only he could hear. His response shocked me as he began to chuckle relentlessly. He covered his mouth with his hand and suppressed more laughter as he spoke, his voice ringing a bright tone that made me feel happy. I smiled a little more, confused. Apparently he thought I was hilarious. I guessed that was good.

"Bella, I'm a doctor. I save lives. I don't kill people. I hunt animals. God, didn't you know this when I didn't kill you? Really, Bella, it appears I've given you too much credit," I whispered back, mouth still in a crooked smile. I smiled back.

"Yes, it appears you have. I don't really…know anything…about your _kind_, I guess." I felt my cheeks turning pink as my eyes went to my shoes. Suddenly, the white sneakers I wore seemed out of place. I should have been wearing my bright red, sparkly shoes, because I was with him. I felt Miss Bells' urge to kiss Edward fill me, and fought it as hard as I could. I glanced back up to him.

"Well, I'll just have to teach you then, won't I?" His velvety voice was too seductive for me to bear.

"Hmm. Teach me, won't you, Edward?" I cocked my head to the side and reciprocated his tone.

We stared at each other for a long moment, an uncontrollable need electrifying the air between us.

An intense siren sounded in the distance, and Edward broke his gaze by searching out the ambulance bay adjacent to the sidewalk where we stood.

All of the sudden, a man wearing navy blue scrubs and a lab coat ran out the door behind us, seeking Edward, who turned to face the man.

"Dr. Cullen," he muttered, trying to catch his breath, "There's a new trauma en route, the mother's badly injured, probably a burst aneurism, but it looks like there's a lot of damage to the abdomen, tons of bleeding. And the daughter's broken her arm, but otherwise, is stable."

Edward nodded his head, calmly taking in the information that was flooding from this man.

"What happened?" he asked, once again a professional.

"Motor vehicle accident. Daughter was driving and a semi pulled in front of her. Not a scratch on the bastard. You're needed right away." The man ran back inside the hospital, presumably to the ambulance bay.

I felt something inside of my brain _snap_.

It felt like the world had heard it. I put my head to my hands. This was too much. The anniversary of my mother's death, a mother-daughter car accident…I couldn't…I couldn't…

_I can't breathe. That poor girl. She probably killed her mother. Oh, just like me. Murderer, you stupid, fucking murderer, Isabella!_

Edward was about to leave me. His hand had reached the handle of the door, but he paused out of the blue, like a force field was stopping him from going any further. He looked like he was in shock as he turned back to face me.

"Bella?" Edward walked to me. I didn't respond. I couldn't. I was hyperventilating. My eyes felt like they would fall from my skull, they were pulled so wide. I clutched my chest, and felt my heart racing, begging my lungs to give it more oxygen. My thoughts were a collection of fear and panic.

_Oh my God, I'm having a heart attack, and I can't even expect this beautiful man to save me, because he has to go save that poor little girl's mother, like someone tried to save my mother when I killed her. Oh fuck, oh fuck, help me. Help me! Edward, fucking help me!_

Edward gathered my face into his hands as his eyes tightened, a very confused look spreading on his beautiful face.

"What did you say, just now?" He asked, trying to coax a response out of me again. His cool fingers brushed my bangs out of my face, a gesture that could have been relaxing if I wasn't having a break down.

I felt the snap in my head again.

Something was changing inside of me.

_What's happening, what's happening? Oh my God, I feel like I'm dying. Edward, you're so beautiful, if I die, I'm glad you're the last thing I'll see. Oh shit. Kiss me. Just kiss me right now. Something's wrong with me. Help me. Oh God…_

The panic in my head made my brain feel like it was on fire.

"I didn't…say….anything…I'm…I'm…"

_Oh my God, he's so amazing. Why is this happening to me? What's going on? Why can't he just kiss me? I'm dying, and that's all I want… I just…_

Edward, as if hearing my thoughts, pulled me against his body, and eagerly crushed his lips to mine. He pulled away just before I thought I would pass out. The panic continued.

_Okay, he can't read my thoughts. He can't. Maybe I just looked like I needed that. So why can't I breathe? Oh, that poor girl, I should see if there's anything I can do to help her…I…_

"Bella," Edward said, clutching me to his chest unpredictably, "You didn't say anything, just now?"

I rolled my eyes.

_Why is he so interested in what I just said? I didn't say anything. He's losing his mind too. Oh, but who cares, because he's incredible and I wish I could just stay right here in his arms for the rest of time. It's so nice. Oh, I think maybe I'm calming down. How does he do that?_

"Bella, just calm down. I have to go. They need my help. But for what it's worth, I wish I could stay here forever, too," he smiled, a charming, satisfied smile, like delayed gratification had finally been reached for him. I looked up to him, catching my breath and steadying myself. I was still breathing too fast, and my heart was still speeding to catch up. The snap inside of my head happened again as Edward touched my cheek lovingly.

"I can…_hear_ you. Bella, I _hear_ you! Finally!" The happiness that emanated from his face was indescribable.

"Edward," I said, "My name's Isabella. Call me Isabella. And…do you know when my mom's coming to pick me up? She said she'd be here a half an hour ago." I was almost surprised when I heard a new lilt come to voice, a younger, softer sound than I had heard in years. I sounded…innocent.

Edward stared at me, incredulously, and I wasn't sure why.

The snap in my brain echoed in my ears.

I was no longer Bella. I was no longer Miss Bells. They had shifted entirely.

Something had definitely changed within me.


End file.
